Wish Me Luck!

[Iam]

Whats the point. I woke up feeling great, didn't even have a cigarette, then ...CRASH! I'm telling my husband how good I feel and that I know it's not permanent but want to hold onto it as long as possible. He says maybe that's possible, makes a comment about my mom and now......F WHATIS THE POINT IF THAT IS ALL IT TAKES?

 

[curiouser]

Hey now don't be so hard on yourself, you've only had a few sessions of EMDR, and it may take some time to deal with everything. The point is you'll never know how much you can heal, if you limit yourself and stop trying. If I had stopped trying I would have never found EFT. If I had given up on EFT when it didn't work and had never bothered to give it another try, I wouldn't be trigger free right now or symptom free for that matter.

Instead of getting upset over your setbacks, try to focus on how far you've come and how much you've improved. Technically you can't experience backsliding and setbacks unless you are making progress to setback or backslide from. Which means you are making progress, and if you've made progress before, you can certainly make it again. Give yourself the time and opportunities to heal. :smile:

"I'm telling my husband how good I feel and that I know it's not permanent but want to hold onto it as long as possible." Is it possible you have a limiting belief about back sliding or setbacks when you're feeling better?

 

[Iam]

How do you keep from getting blindsided?

My T told me that I need to grow up! :wall: More on this in a bit.

So left my therapy session yesterday feeling like I could cry. It was awful. I really didn't want to go and my anxiety was so high. Since this was the first time I had seen him since my breakdown and hospitalization we discussed my it of course. He wanted to know what kicked it off, validated that my husband was wrong to say what he did, but that my reaction was over the top. Well DUHHHH. :think: We also agreed that the alcohol was a mitigating factor in my total breakdown. Though he did say that it was good that I cried, just wouldn't recommend having to use alcohol to get to that point LOL!

We made a list of negative emotions and the opposite postive ones. I am supposed to expand on this list. Time for some big time CBT.

So yeah, basically he said I need to grow up. Something like "I don't mean to over simplify it, but basically you need to grow up." Normally, if someone said something like this I would be so angry. In this case I am not. I am glad he actually pushed for once. Obviously my reactions are childish, petulant and sullen (my words, not his). He really was referring to the fact that my emotions are stuck in childhood so that when somebody does something to hurt me I revert back to expecting the worst as that is what always happened then. This is now though, not the past, so I need to grow up past those old emotions. So nope, not mad at him, I actually agree. What is frustrating is how do I do it? I have the tools, know what I am supposed to do and for the most part can. Then I get blind sided and bam, down I go.

 

[Jawn]

Iam, the fact that you can recognize it is 1/2 of the battle. It's your T's job to help guide you to a way to deal with it. I am sure he will get you there, but it might take a little time.

Hang in there 'cause you are stronger than you give yourself credit for,

Jawn

 

[Iam]

Jawn, You are always so encouraging. I really appreciate it. I think part of my problem is that I had begun opening up. I just kept it all hidden before. Now what I really think and feel is being brought out into the light of day and it hits me right in the face. Kind of hard to deal with it. I guess that is what the learning and retraining is all about. It is just soooo embarrasing to behave like a child. Some do it for attention. I am not at all, would much rather go back to hiding all of it and just shoving it down. Guess I need to throw my pride out the window, admit it for what it is and work seriously on myself. Grrrrrr!!!!!!!

 

[Jawn]

You got it Iam! Keep the Grrrrr going.....put it in 4x4 low range and climb that hill! :smile:

And if it helps, when you feel like acting childish just think of me throwing myself on the ground and flailing my arms and legs while I yell like a spoiled child. Maybe that will make you laugh and bring you back to your "normal" thinking that you are learning about. :thumbs-up

Jawn

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I think you are very strong too, Iam. :smile: And if you want, you can always think of yourself rolling around on the floor in a ball, like I would love to do. lol Hope that makes you smile.

 

[Jawn]

Now why do I now have a mental image of Iam in a ball like you put hamsters into......rolling all around the place. :rofl:

Jawn

 

[Iam]

:wink: Big smile Ayesha, thanks! Hey Jawn a protective plastic bubble around me.....I like that idea! :crazy:

 

[Jawn]

Oh I'm busting a gut now Iam, thinking about you in that bubble on the back of your horse! :rofl:

Jawn

 

[anni]

You did really, really well processing that Iams! If my T said that to me I think it would have flattened me first, before I would be able to sort of face up to it. Of course, the most helpful thing would be to just laugh with everyone here as has been happening and then getting to work-makes it tons easier, doesn't it?

I just wished to pop in on this and say I'm honestly impressed with how well you dealt with this. It does seem to me that the reactivity is across the board with this stupid PTSD thing but as you said, you're reacting from the vantage point of the child you were when the damage was done. From the looks of things, you're 'growing up' at mostly the speed of light. I have a feeling you're not going to be struggling in this particular stage for terribly long.

 

[Iam]

;o) Anni. You know what? I think I did pretty good processing it too! It really surprised me. Figure it's time to face up to who I am and start making positive changes. Who knows, maybe I hit my rock bottom last week. I sure hope so ;o)

Jawn...you have such a vivid imagination ;o)