Relationship Withholds Affection And It Becomes So Difficult

[catlover26]

My Vet is older so he has many issues besides ptsd including a lot of depression now. He says not to take it personally when he doesn't feel like any affection. I try not too but it is so hard. Am I doing the wrong thing by going up and hugging him anyway or kissing him Hello? He is too nice a guy most of the time to tell me to completely stop it. I will also sit in his lap sometimes too. I guess I think some how it will make him feel better.

I may just be making 'matters' worse if he is at a 'place' that just can't handle it now. He will walk me to the car and kiss me goodbye. This has been going on for 4- 5 mos. He does have moments when he will hug me but it doesn't happen very often.

What do any of you do when your guy is like this?

 

[Sighs]

Depends on my mood. Sometimes I will verbally ask for affection. Sometimes I will give him a quick hug or a kiss on the way past. More recently I just don't initiate any and eventually he will come and give me a cuddle.

 

[Sweetpea76]

My vet doesn't mind affectionate touch usually, and sometimes even uses hand holding as something to ground him or comfort him... unless he is having a panic attack or something. Then he doesn't want touched at all. Physical intimacy is a different story. I've learned to let him initiate most of the time... and the times that I am the aggressor, I've learned not to take it personally if he is not feeling it, so to speak.

 

[catlover26]

Here I am on the roller coaster again!! After I wrote this I saw him tonight and he was more affectionate than he has been in a long time. It was nice but I try to brace myself that it may not last and enjoy it while he is feeling that way. Wow, what a ride!!! It's difficult.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Gotta enjoy the good times as they come!

 

[Pebbles5280]

My NavyDoc is also older and has been struggling with PTSD for 25+ years. The intimacy part of our relationship is sporadic at best. Most of the time, I'm lucky to get a peck on the lips. We used to hold hands but that's been gone for a very long time. Like SweetPea, I always let him initiate because I can never tell if he's in a good place or not. Just because he's having a good day doesn't mean he wants to be intimate. I've stopped asking for affection because that seems to make him feel inadequate.

It's a tightrope walk and as a very affectionate, physical person, this has been the most difficult adjustment for me.