Work is on pause for few weeks and I got sick and sleeping all day

[SeekingAfrica]

I've been in an already bad state. First trip stress, then fights with family for being honest... Then almost eviction and working depressed. Finally I got paid so the biggest crisis was averted.
I had a plan of working the same work and the adding several side jobs to make sure I practically double my income as plan B- not to risk the same situation eviction-wise as I'm still not in the clear. It was a good plan, except all the jobs and businesses are new so I made a plan with few so the combo would make enough- ideally. But it was a good security knowing that if nothing work I'll still make enough. Usually after payment (which was 26th) it takes the client another week til I get a new batch of files to work on. Sometimes more. So I nudged her last week to check where we are. She informed me that the company she gets the funding from is doing the annual accounting of funds, hence she needs to take few weeks of being able to fund me until that is done.
There goes my safety net.

I know the client will return, but currently it really only matters what happens this month. Possibly next.
Therefore I am left only with my freelancing plan, which I tried to double to make more. Which made me feel overwhelmed.
I have gotten any help I can get and I am grateful, but that mostly covers my living expenses this month(and I covered bus and phone in my last pay).

So yesterday after that email from that client, I was sick and throwing up all day.
They today I've been mostly sleeping in big hazy patches all day with breaks for food.
Is that my brain digesting?
If not how do I accept the situation? I am having a very hard time accepting that things will be as hard as last month again because last month broke me,. and now I was supposed to mend myself.

I have to have a concrete plan and start/continue working tomorrow. It's the way it is. But I am struggling with faith big time, in myself. Or in anything.
p.s. also my apartment is a mess but today I can't care.

 

[abovedown]

I've been in an already bad state. First trip stress, then fights with family for being honest... Then almost eviction and working depressed. Finally I got paid so the biggest crisis was averted.
I had a plan of working the same work and the adding several side jobs to make sure I practically double my income as plan B- not to risk the same situation eviction-wise as I'm still not in the clear. It was a good plan, except all the jobs and businesses are new so I made a plan with few so the combo would make enough- ideally. But it was a good security knowing that if nothing work I'll still make enough. Usually after payment (which was 26th) it takes the client another week til I get a new batch of files to work on. Sometimes more. So I nudged her last week to check where we are. She informed me that the company she gets the funding from is doing the annual accounting of funds, hence she needs to take few weeks of being able to fund me until that is done.
There goes my safety net.

I know the client will return, but currently it really only matters what happens this month. Possibly next.
Therefore I am left only with my freelancing plan, which I tried to double to make more. Which made me feel overwhelmed.
I have gotten any help I can get and I am grateful, but that mostly covers my living expenses this month(and I covered bus and phone in my last pay).

So yesterday after that email from that client, I was sick and throwing up all day.
They today I've been mostly sleeping in big hazy patches all day with breaks for food.
Is that my brain digesting?
If not how do I accept the situation? I am having a very hard time accepting that things will be as hard as last month again because last month broke me,. and now I was supposed to mend myself.

I have to have a concrete plan and start/continue working tomorrow. It's the way it is. But I am struggling with faith big time, in myself. Or in anything.
p.s. also my apartment is a mess but today I can't care.

If you are sick could you allow your body to rest for today?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

If you are sick could you allow your body to rest for today?

Honestly I'd still probably fight it, but it would be easier still.

And now it's worse because the stakes are all so high. I don't work- I maybe evicted. I don't get mental health help- I may not have the capacity to work or do much.
This whole week I've been fighting this sort of push and pull of these 2 things..

Despite the obvious need to work, the mental health has been 'winning' in a sense that it's been getting so bad I considered going to the ER or to emergency therapy. Then felt better and thought great- finally I'm a bit better. But I need nutritious food and clean functional home, and I have not achieved that this week. The first part because I've been panicking going out and the idea of bigger stores gives me hives.

So... have not progressed much since that post, which is genuinely making me sad... or it would if I could feel it under the overarching feeling of failing in life.