Ahhhh...you are speaking the language of all PTSDer's. We speak in absolutes...I will never...I can't...It's useless...I value nothing... We tend to make black and white statements with no consideration for a middle ground between the two...especially when we are caught up in a black hole of self-doubt and rejection, depression etc. It sounds like this is where you are and I am obviously short of all your facts but, the little you have said seems like you are stuck with victimizing yourself. Consider this: you said you value nothing. If that were true, why would you have even made an effort to communicate with us? You apparently value communication with others. That speaks volumes on how you quantify your need for contact. So contact with others, you value. And now that you have posted this thread, you have others who are responding to you. Though we cannot literally be in your presence and share conversation over a cup of tea, we can respond to you, with a caring and a valuing concern for you. I think the key to seeing value in ourselves and the world around us is to DECIDE to look for the small twinkles of little blessings around us. Put the "yes, buts", " I can't", It's useless", "I deserves nothing", "no one understands", "it's hopeless", and similar negative statements aside and chose to change your self-talk to things like, "I can", "I deserve", "there is hope", "I do have worth", etc. You have to decide to work on changing your negatives about yourself, otherwise you stay stuck in your black hole. I say all this because I sometimes find it easier to stay stuck in my hole than to put the energy into seeing my world in a more positive light. This is the struggle most of us have here. There is hope for you and this is a great place to find encouragement, support, and education on your healing process.