Would You Or Could You

[Sandra]

I am so undecided on this. I had a huge fight with my brother many years and we have to speak or see each other since. If I see him I will keep my back to him and won't even look at him. My brother has done nothing but abuse me and has always treated me in a disrespectful manner.

Not to my knowledge is he having any health problems right now. But he is getting on in years now. He is in mid 60s now. What I am so undecided on is when he dies to go to his funeral. In some ways I do but in some ways I don't..

Has anyone faced this before?

 

[jka37]

I have a similar brother relationship. I refuse to be alone with him. I was signing up for life insurance through my job, and I asked my dad for his and mom's ssn to list them as beneficiaries, and he gave me my brother's number and assumed I wanted to include him...I realized I just didn't want to.

It's hard to have hard feelings toward family.

 

[Sandra]

I can relate to that. I also have my brother in my will and my niece and now wished neither of them were in it.

 

[Sandra]

Would you or could you go to his funeral when he passes?

 

[wife of]

would it affect your relationship with other family members if you didn't,might be that you have to have one last grin and bear it moment in order to do the right thin for you in the long term..

 

[Sandra]

That's really a good question Wife Of. Since the fight with my brother his whole family turned their backs on me. I am not close to my sister or her children either. And my sister is the type to stay out of anything that doesn't concern her. And my sister has no compassion at all.

 

[IvyMillie]

Getting along with family is very hard. Not every family gets along. I think that there are moments in life when you do have to go out of your way to be polite and courteous. For instance, weddings and as you mention funerals. So as wife of mentioned you sometimes have to grin and bear it.

However, on the flip side if your relationship with your brother is so so so bad that you would seem like a hypocrite to go to the funeral that would be bad also. If that situation does arise, I would ask family members what their opinion and wishes might be and then follow their advice.

 

[Sandra]

I hear you IvyMillie. But my family is the type you can't dicuss anything with. But you are deffinately seeing how I am seeing the situation.

 

[wife of]

If he ever gets ill,might just be easiest to go on a six month back packing trip where people can't contact you.

 

[Sandra]

Well everyone knows my health can be a big issue at times. I didn't go to my nephew's wedding mostly due to my health issues. There were other reasons too though.

 

[IvyMillie]

Then you could probably use your health as an issue again. If it is your pattern especially--it wouldn't be seen as out of the ordinary, since you have had to miss other family functions.

However, in the end you can follow what you really want, since the family doesn't talk about things. It's hard to be in families where things aren't talked about---hmmmm that could be the core to problems developing--they don't talk things out. Some of my family didn't talk about things either. I think it makes for more problems in the long run. However, you can't choose your family.

 

[wife of]

Never a truer phrase than that.