Would You Really Want To Know?

[Venusian]

Every time I write something lately I end up erasing it by mistake...., baby computer... rant over.

I have discussed this with my T and she said the same thing a few have said, "Do what is best for you". I have spent my life being a caretaker and a lot of being a caretaker meant making sacrifices. It was expected of me and I did it without question. My parents weren't bad parents, they weren't abusive but they weren't overly supportive either. I don't want to hurt them but I have never been able to talk to them either. That is most likely because of the PTSD, I withdrew quite a bit into myself and kept things bottled up. I left home as soon as I was done highschool and I never asked for help from them. They moved away soon afterwards and I only saw they every couple of years after that.

I, myself, would want to know if something like this happened to my kids. If something did happen and they didn't tell me I could understand that too. I would be sad that they felt they couldn't tell me but I would understand. That understanding comes from being on forums like this, learning to understand myself by reading so many posts from others. That's an understanding I am not sure my parents have.

I have been thinking about this for a few months now and I still can't talk to them but I am finally in a place where I think I have enough support to be able to make a report. It is something I have to do, I know that now. I am waiting for a little more information on the process before I schedule an interview.

Thank you all for your insights, they have all been helpful. I don't think I can tell them until I absolutely have to, I also know that I can't let the police be the ones to do it.

 

[bitzer]

... would you want to know your 5 year old child was abducted? ... The only thing that is holding me back is telling my parents. I can't do it.

I guess the important thing is your needs, not your parents needs. And I get that that is a difficult thing to get your head around, because it sounds like your needs didn't get much parental attention but you seem to be very aware of taking care of their needs. I get that.

So I guess you need to ask yourself a question, "Do I need to process this with my parents?"

To me, that's a no-brainer...

 

[Srain]

Venusian, oddly I did make a call to my mother after reading this ask her this very question, "would she want to know if something happened to me when I was a children that didn't involve her" ...tic toc tic toc "well, I don't know, I've tried to put the past behind me and I know so much has happened to you that's been bad, I need to think about this." ....There was my answer, NO. She doesn't wasn't to know. My mother was never one to face danger or feelings, she would gladly put her head in the sand during a storm.

Maddog is correct, in my opinion, it does depend on the parent. Am I hurt? No, not really, it's one of the reasons I never told her in the first the place. It makes me sad that she is not the kind of parent that would fight for me but then she does love me in her own way so that's something.

Peace,
Rain

 

[BloomInWinter]

Take care of your needs, and allow your parents to take care of theirs.

Go after what you need for your healing. You deserve to discover and decide what that means for you. Trust yourself.

May the adult you stand beside the child you as you both walk through this...together. ...and not alone.

 

[Venusian]

(((Rain))) I am sorry that you received the response you did, even if you expected it. I think a big part of me has the same feeling, that they wouldn't want to know now and if I did dredge it all up after all this time they would make me feel guilty about doing it. I know there will be guilt placed on me of some kind or other.

I have the information I need to schedule an appointment and now I just want to get it done with. Next week is what I am hoping for. There are 2 days that I can go and have someone go with me. Any other time and it will be on my own but I am used to that. I decided to make the report first and then talk to my parents if it goes to an investigation. That way I can tell what I remember and not be influenced by anything my parents may have to say or deal with the inevitable guilt trips that will come up. (((Bloom))) (((Maddog))) and everyone else who ha posted, thank you for helping me make this decision. Your advice cleared up a lot of anxiety I was having about this.

 

[bitzer]

May the adult you stand beside the child you as you both walk through this...together. ...and not alone.

Amen. You are not alone.

 

[bitzer]

... guilty ... guilt ... guilt ...

You haven't done anything to feel guilty about. And you don't have to feel guilty about doing the right thing for you and reporting this incident.

I salute your courage.

 

[TeddySue]

When you've admitted to yourself that the parents probably would prefer not to become involved, and their reaction will not make you feel better, this is a step in the right direction. It's not about them; it's about you and your peace of mind.

I learned a long time ago that my so-called mother and father did NOT care in the least what happened to me, only that it was not brought up again, for THEIR peace of mind.

Your mother obviously does not want to deal with what happened, so move forward for yourself.

 

[Venusian]

I did it, I told my parents tonight. I didn't want to do it today, on mother's day, but my mom knew something was wrong and I couldn't keep it a secret anymore. They were upset but they believed me and didn't blame me for anything. They had no idea something had happened but when they look back on things they may see a lot of signs. I had written it in another thread but I did go to the police last week and spoke with a detective, there will be an investigation.

 

[Venusian]

It has been quite a while but a detective called tonight, the investigation is starting, she will be contacting my parents in the next few days. It is going to be a long process and I may not get any answers.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Venusian)))))

You are to be commended for your courage. May this help you find peace. :)

 

[Venusian]

Thanks (((Bloom))), after waiting this long it was a shock to finally get the call. I will try to keep posting with some updates as the investigation goes along. If I do or don't get any answers maybe the process will help someone else trying to decide if this is what they want to do.