Relationship Wow.. Had A Talk With My Sufferer Last Night.

[Stacie]

Angus,

Here's how it is for me personally:

I dont think I ever stopped loving my SO and after the isolation, I loved and needed him even more. But I also see that he was hurt and shaken in the process. It is not my feelings have changed as much as his, and now it is I who must do the work of supporting his feelings and reassuring and trying to understand what he is going through. Which is not easy on top of the guilt I already have.
Sometimes I wish he had not stuck in there- so that in his eyes he would not have been the only one hurting. Which isn't the case, but you can't change the way someone feels after they've been hurt. But I am glad he did, and I love him for it.
The relationship is not always easy, lots of tears and arguments, but the fact that we are still together shows that we think it is worth saving.

Best for you and yours
Stacie

 

[Nerdanna]

Angus,
Hang in there and focus on you and your children. Happy Father's Day
Nerdanna

 

[Angus McGee]

Just my experience as sufferer...to actually post.

I just wanted you to know, goingonhope, that I had my Mrs. read this post. I said "this is my hope for you, and for us." she agreed wholeheartedly, and said your post was very well written, and hit the nail on the head.

Thank you.

 

[Angus McGee]

Angus,
Hang in there and focus on you and your children. Happy Father's Day
Nerdanna

Thank you...

 

[Angus McGee]

Angus,

Here's how it is for me personally...

Best for you and yours
Stacie

Thank you. I am more than willing to welcome her home with open arms. Yes, it has been very difficult, but I know, and have told her many times, that she is not to blame. Even for her moving out... Not her fault. If it helps her get better or as she says "the person I was meant to be without all the abuse", then sobeit.

It's a price worth paying.

Thanks again,

AMcG

 

[Angus McGee]

Just to keep you all in the loop, my wife has told me that email and text communication can continue with us. It sounds odd say that, but it means a lot to me to maintain some sort of interaction with her. I was prepared to sever all communication, and did for the first few days.

I take it as a positive sign, for sure.

 

[Angus McGee]

Stacie, can I ask how long your isolation was for? I know it's different for everyone.

It hasn't been a week yet, but I so miss her.

 

[Angus McGee]

It's coming up on a week since she moved out. I think I'm over the initial shock of her being gone, now. Things are starting to get into the new routine.

I do miss her, but the "her" that I miss is most definitely not the one that has been living with us these past 6+ months. The her that I miss, and the one I hope is revived post treatment is the one I married many years ago. I know that PTSD is permanent, but I have the hope that her therapy, and her therapist will teach her (and me) techniques to prevent (or at least minimize) any future relapses, as well as any ongoing symptoms the treatment won't resolve.

 

[Tinyflame]

Angus, though 'things' or 'people' can never be the same, by the grace of God it will become 'new' but 'better'.

After all, every one and thing changes over time, and attitudes are variable, but we are all the same people underneath- even 'sufferers', -we have the same 'hearts'.

Prayers and hugs for you and your wife and family, xox.

 

[Angus McGee]

Thanks, JB.

RIght back atcha.

 

[ISupportHer]

I am reading and perhaps a little in overload. Same reaction I had with another male supporter here that had a break up. Just too close to home to what I consider my worse case scenario, I guess.

I have had a "full plate" for some time and not been posting as much as I used to. I guess I just wanted you to know that I hope things improve for your family.

I tend to try to plan ahead with things. As I read a book specifically for partners, it mentioned this scenario as well as some of the rationale behind it. I always though that I would draw a line in the sand and give an ultimatum if I were faced with it. But I don't really know how I would react.

ISH

 

[Angus McGee]

Yah gotta do what you gotta do, ISH..

For us, I felt that letting her take this step without filing for divorce is what I had to do to enable her to heal. She assures me this isn't anything against us, or our marriage, as hard as it is. She told me (like I said in post 1) that this step is hard on her too.

She has also apologized for what this situation is doing to me personally, too, and that helps. Not a lot, but it does help. It tells me she is still thinking about us.

Oddly enough, I think that the non-PTSD part of her is carrying on like everything's rosey, and we're still very much in love like we used to be, and yada yada yada...

Once the PTSD veil is removed, and the real her comes back (I'm assuming it someday will), as much as I want things to resume the way they were before any of this happened, I don't see that as a likelihood.

I have been damaged through this process too. Part of me does blame her for all of this even though I know it isn't her fault.

Afterall, SHE is the one who insisted to move out. SHE is the one who cut off all affection. SHE is the one who ripped my heart out and chewed it up like a rabid lion chewing up a dead wildebeast.

But then, it isn't her. It's what the PTSD has turned her into.

:mad::mad::mad: