WTF Was/Am I Thinking

[Lady of Longbourn]

yes kris...if you really think that then you are stupid. I have awful awful days sometimes ( i'm having one now) but i never think that.

Sounds childish.

 

[kris]

I guess maybe I don't want to change, maybe I should say the hell with therapy and this site and go back to being me. It wasn't a great life but it was mine and I was surviving so the f*** with ptsd and all the shit it entails, I am thinking I will just go back to dealing with things on my own. I am seeing therapy as a bunch of bulllshit that gets you know where, it hasnt helped me yet, yeah I can read chapters from books on how to deal with shit on my own, and learn freaking coping strategies and shit to do when having negative emotions on my own. Why the hell am I paying someone to tell me the same damn things I can get from a book for less than 20 dollars, instead of 175 dollars an hour for some ass to tell me I dont want to change even though I am sitting there in his damn office trying to change.

 

[Cin]

You sound impatient, which is understandable, but if you were surviving ok before therapy, then why did you start it? As is explained here over and over, therapy makes you worse for a while, but you have to push through it. If you want change, you have to fight for it. Change nothing, nothing changes. If you don't feel ok with your current therapist, there ARE others. Maybe instead of throwing therapy away and labelling it a waste of time and money, you could put that energy into finding the right therapy for you.

 

[kris]

I reluctantly started therapy because a doctor referred me there after saying my pelvic pain was basically all in my head from having been abused, and that was the only way he said to help the pain. I don't know anything about therapy and am going into this with a blindfold on so to speak, and so far nothing is helping me really, I mean I am there trying to change and I have someone telling me I don't want to. This all makes me question the point and success of therapy I have been going for 5 months-and yes I know this isn't along time at all, but I honestly haven't seen any progress. At first I thought I was but I am thinking the progress I did make was from my primary doctor increasing my antidepressant and then adding another one as well.

 

[catjudo]

Maybe the therapy isn't the problem but rather the therapist. It sounds like you don't particularly care for the therapist. It often takes several tries to find a therapist who is the right fit for an individual. Perhaps rather than giving up on therapy altogether, you might explore the idea of trying a different therapist. Just a thought.

 

[kris]

I don't think it is the therapist that is the problem, he is trying to help, and so far I think he has been doing a good job even though I don't think I have seen much progress. I think I would be mad at any therapist, I guess I shouldn't be mad at him, it is not his fault, but I am putting my anger on him I guess. I am blaming him for my troubles, which isn't right I know, but obviously no one is showing me or helping me to express my anger at the appropriate person and way so that is what they get I guess.

I am just angry he says I don't want to change, it really pissed me off because I do. I do not like myself this way and I want to change my views of myself, just because I don't think it's possible should not be an issue. The issue should be showing me how to change and showing me that I am wrong. I suppose this is stuff I should be telling the therapist and not ranting on here about it all, but as I have expressed before I don't know how to show or say my feelings to people. I can do it on here because I have no idea who you people are and it's not face to face.

 

[catjudo]

Perhaps printing out this thread and showing it to your therapist would be a way to start the conversation with him.