Yea I Already Know To Forgive, I Dont Wamt To And I Cant!

[Jnean]

I have a long distance friend who wants me to talk to her but when I do she says shit like it sounds like I need to forgive. Like I don't already f*cking know that. Stupid stupid stupid idea. No more. What a f*cking idiot I am. It's not that easy. I'm not even close to being able to forgive but I just said thanks and ended the conversation. I can't deal with that, this is the second time I've talked to her and yet I doesn't sound like she wants me to talk to her, more like preach to me about being a forgiving person and not to break away from my fake relationship with my father, why? f*cking why would I do that? Ugh. Sorry. Just really upset, tough day.

 

[Ronin]

It's your decision if to forgive or not.

Neither option is worse than another. And forgiving and then holding a grudge again is also perfectly par for the course.

So sorry you had a hard day and your friend didn't really help it.

 

[Jnean]

thank you it's helpful to hear trust me

 

[Ronin]

thank you it's helpful to hear

Thank you as well, happy to help, however slightly. ;)

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

You're not obligated to forgive anyone. A lot of people run around claiming "Forgive others not because they deserve it but because you deserve peace" and "you must learn to forgive because holding a grudge against a person is bad for you" and really, that's just stupid. If someone's hurt you, you are under no circumstances to forgive them, even if they appologize you are under no circumstances to do so. In the end, forgiving people is your choice, and there are some things people do that are just unforgiveable and deeply rooted. Like, I certainly would NOT enforce anyone, especially people with PTSD, to forgive their abusers. If they decide to, okay. If they decide not to, totally understandable.

I personally dislike it when people get all high and mighty over forgiving and forgetting. Like, sorry, but when you've been personally hurt by someone, that shit is hard to get over. Nothing gets magically fixed with forgiveness, even if someone appologizes. I'm sure maybe your friend meant good intentions - so that you can learn to put what happened behind you. Maybe for small things that might work? But not very impactful and hurtful things.

You don't need to forgive if you don't want to :hug: you do what feels best and right for you.

 

[Jnean]

exactly thank you, like it's just so easy to forgive, it's not for me. Thank you very much.

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

exactly thank you, like it's just so easy to forgive, it's not for me. Thank you very much.

No problem. I understand how it feels to struggle to forgive. I may not have PTSD (I'm a supporter) and even then, my sufferer is the more forgiving one than I am. Like...I'd kick the f*ck out of the assholes who hurt her if given the chance. Don't care if she's forgiven them, they've hurt her to the point where she struggles to see worth in herself. Like f*ck that. You get no mercy from me. It's hard to forgive - it really is. Know that you're not alone, plenty of people flat out refuse to forgive, and that doesn't make them bad people. That just makes them putting up with zero bullshit.

 

[Jnean]

I like you! Thank you for the support. It was what I needed to hear :)

 

[Ronin]

Plenty of people flat out refuse to forgive, and that doesn't make them bad people. That just makes them putting up with zero bullshit.

Mate, I'm so framing this line.

And I'll so put that in my leaflet of things to hand out to people right next to all the 'What is PTSD' guidelines. Bright truth.

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

omfg I'm flustered over here haha! Glad I could help, thank you! :hug:

PS: jnean your grumpy cat icon amuses me :P

 

[Jnean]

hooray moonlight

 

[Cavegirl]

Forgiving is something that happens. You can't MAKE yourself forgive someone. You can make yourself say the words but you can't make yourself feel them.

It's up to when and if you forgive. I'd tell your friend that you understand she is trying to help but you aren't there yet and her going on about it hurts your feelings. She should back off.

Good luck.