You Have For To Be Kidding Me

[Whyteferret]

I have been so overwhelmed lately. Last night, I felt so depressed and hopeless that I used the national suicide prevention hotline. The veterans' chat function.
You have the option to fill out an anonymous questionnaire before you chat. It gives the worker some idea of what's up.

Long story short: there were some questions related to the questionnaire. I ended up "talking" about some of why I was that much in crisis.

At the end of the chat, he told me that I seemed ok. I did well in chat. Told me to go sleep.
My response was along the lines of duck off.

It was so dismissive and insulting. I guess I wasn't in crisis enough. Devaluing.
After, I was more upset and despairing than before. Nothing like a crisis worker shitting you down.

What kept me are my cat and ferret.

I'm a bit better today. Sleep did help. I ran and nailed the gym today. Exercise helps most of the time.

Isn't that pathetic?

 

[Chimera]

Not on your part.
Buy the crisis worker? Ffs don't they vet these people? Keep at this, I tend to completely go all or nothing thinking on stuff like this...if you need that resource try again, most folks on the hot liness really, really want to help.

I'm glad to hear you're felling a bit better today, and your doing all you can to hold onto the ground you've gained. It's good that you have fur friends, my cats acts bats#it crazy or wont leave my side went I'm going down...can help but laugh at the wild things she does (I swear she knows exactly what she is doing)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Isn't that pathetic?

Not on your part.

I agree with @Chimera, what a f*cked up "crisis worker" (if you can call them that). If you get to the point of actually calling one of those places, you are in crisis! Its pathetic on that worker! Im sorry that happened but glad you are feeling a bit better today! Let me know if I can help in any way! :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Sadly I think that if you aren't screaming your lungs out being overly dramatic that you're not taken seriously as someone in crisis. Words of crisis aren't "enough"------it's as if you have to convince people of your crisis state. Odd if you think about it-----I mean how many people call a crisis line and lie?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think saying to a crisis line "im thinking of suicide" or even hinting to it should be enough and if its not they needs to revamp crisis centers in my opinion.

 

[Whyteferret]

It's hard for me to tell people when I'm that messed up. I think there's truth to if we don't look like we're in crisis, it's not taken as seriously. I tend to hide pain, even when I reach out.

I have an appointment with my therapist Monday. I doubt I'll bring up suicide unless I am asked,directly. Especially if I'm no longer in crisis.

I don't like being vulnerable. I've only seen him twice. I'm not sue how he'll respond. I suppose he has worked with vets long enough he can handle it.

But, if I'm not in crisis,at that point, does it even matter?

@EveHarrington
@lostforgottensoul

 

[Friday]

Next time try the VA Suicide Prevention line, where I believe their mission reads as;

'Transforming suicidal despair into homicidal rage, since 1775' ;)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

But, if I'm not in crisis,at that point, does it even matter?

To me, it doesnt, as if you feel you need to call a crisis center, just that is crisis to me. But ive also been too scared to call one so I dont know how they work but I agree with you, for sure!

 

[Friday]

On a serious note... Yes. Absolutely talk with your T about suicide, ideation, safety nets / action plans for what to do when suicidal or getting edgy. Especially if you're no longer in crisis. Best time for it. Because having been recently in crisis? It's fresh in your mind exactly where you go, so have a better idea of what you needed & wanted. But no longer being in crisis right at that moment? Let's your brain work a zillion times better in strategizing.

 

[anthony]

Not pathetic. Unfortunately a lot of crisis workers are just burnt out and thus useless at their job nowadays.

 

[Whyteferret]

Next time try the VA Suicide Prevention line, where I believe their mission reads as;

'Transformin...

@FridayJones
That actually made me smile

 

[Whyteferret]

I'm not sure what I needed at that point. I'm still not sure. Ironically, the hotline is part of the safety net. Well, not anymore. honestly, if I didn't have a cat and ferret who still needs a home, I'm not sure I would be here. Or at least made a serious attempt.
Pathetic it's a cat and ferret who came through when a crisis line failed. Actually, made it worse.

Next time? Hell, I'm not even sure how I'm going to get through tonight.