You Need Therapy

[Hatechild]

I'm sure many of you have heard words to that effect ad nauseum. The thing is, it isn't working.

I've been to so many counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists it would make your head spin.

One counsellor who had a good reputation let me go, claiming that my issues were out of her depth and didn't feel she could help me. This has happened twice now and right when I thought I was making progress.

The last psychiatrist (also supposedly one of the best around) keeps assuming that because I got my band signed to a distribution label, got nominated for the Youth Achievement Award, started and maintained two radio shows and that I have a creative outlet that I'm fine. Seriously most of the session time with him was wasted on silence. He would just sit there and not say anything for a minute and all he says is "you're doing well, just keep at it". Even after I tell him I'm not fine and I don't feel fine.

I've had all kinds of treatment, trauma therapy, grief counselling, cognitive therapy etc. I took it seriously but I just don't feel any of it has been working.

There is some pretty deep damage. I've gone through sexual abuse for quite a long time from a young age, I've had to literally fight for my life enduring two murder attempts and just last year (not even a year gone) I found my father's body in his flat after he took his own life by overdose not even a month after my best friend hung himself.

I am paraphrasing here, there is a lot more. That's another thing... I get sick of having to tell my life story each time.

I can't really tell anybody how I feel because I've found that they don't really understand which gets incredibly frustrating.

I'm having a numb week... I don't know how I feel or what to think. At least this Friday I get to find out if I won that award or not.

 

[Mayday]

I've been to so many counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists it would make your head spin.

I can definitely relate to this. I had bad experiences a number of times whenever I sought professional help which made me really reluctant to ever try again. It just seemed like everytime I had a little bit of hope that things might get better, it would all get pulled out from under me again.

Last year, I decided to give it one last shot, and for some reason, I actually got a psychologist who is actually decent and has been helping me a lot.

Sometimes bad therapy can do more damage than no therapy. I hope that at some stage, you feel ready to give it another shot and that you find someone who will take you seriously and be decent enough to earn your trust.

 

[TLight]

I TOTALLY understand.

I too have been turned away from therapists, one saying I was at least a 10 year job and she was planning on retiring. One kept me in his office writing on a chalkboard what the symptoms of ptsd were (I actually ended up exploding on him and he was a trauma specialist!). I swear if another therapist tells me to buy a book I'll scream (like I haven't read and worked them all?).

I managed to get two degrees as a complete basket case cause I'm good at studying and regurgitating information. Anyone can get a degree. I haven't found a therapist yet who could help me. I have several traumas that have pretty much occurred up until my 48th year of life starting as a baby.

I can't work, I still go into a rage when I feel even slightly disrespected or degraded, I'm terrified of most all humans, I can't trust anyone, and I'm pretty much housebound and don't interact with anyone. I have spent the last year in my little hovel coming out for food and sun sometimes and I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. My head isn't splitting like a torpedo is shooting through it, I don't have to talk, smile, or do a dish with anyone around. I know I'm a complete hermit.......but so far it's the only thing that's worked for me.

I had one therapist who was kinda good, but she ended up screwing me in two ways......I was heavily triggered by my landlord flirting with me and looking through my windows and called her and she said, "well, how have you dressed around him? How friendly are you" I went completely beserk.......felt like I was being blamed for saying Hi to the guy, he did live right next to me. Then she got sick and had to retire and gave me her grandmother's diamond from her wedding ring in order for my ring, as I was dating a 'nice' guy at the time. The guy never proposed and he ended up being just another self centered jerk and she kept calling me saying, "I wouldn't have given that diamond to just anyone"........I was like, "Ok, do you want to me to drive over and give it back? Do you want me to hold a gun to this guys head?"

F*cked up man.
Another wouldn't treat me until I was hospitalized and put on heavy meds.

I've heard treatment works for some. 20 years of attempting and I've given up. No money for it anyway.
I'm just meditating A LOT, still have my meds, and laying way low...........which is fine with me. I'm feeling pretty peaceful.

 

[Hatechild]

I can't stand the people who act like if you can't work out how to improve, you just don't want it hard enough. "Well if you want to be depressed". It's so easy for them to say because they don't know what suffering is.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I am so sorry you had to go through all that. That you are still suffering so much. You didn't deserve that at all.

I also find it very strange that your therapist just let you go like that. At least she should have found a better alternative for you before she told you such a thing.

One thing that really stands out from your story, is that your counsellors seem unable to understand your point of view. Have you tried group therapy combined with regular one on one sessions with a (truly) good counsellor? If anyone can understand you it's people who are going through the same.

 

[pamcoco]

I also find it very strange that your therapist just let you go like that. At least she should have found a better alternative for you before she told you such a thing.

I am a trained therapist although it has never been my career, but it is unethical for any therapist to drop a client without providing a sustainable plan for future treatment. Also there is much lacking in their delivery. I mean who says those things in a "helping" profession?

I find people are crazy and therapists are no exception. Actually they are sometimes the perfect example.

I suggest being exceedingly careful, interviewing a therapist before any appointment. This concept seems odd I realize but it is extremely important to find a good fit before laying your heart on the line. I would assume, like me, you cannot afford more trauma from those who are supposed to help.

It is not so different than shopping for a car. You are the customer and you should have all pertinent information to make you feel comfortable with your huge purchase. Any therapist that resists is not your therapist. If you explain your previous experiences with shrinks, anyone worth seeing would be willing to examine the appropriateness of your fit.

Maybe write out questions beforehand, interviewing them. What do you want and need? Get clear and ask about it before sitting in a room with them. You should never be in a situation in which you are being interviewed by them to see if you can be their client, unless they want to pay you for that service.

 

[Hatechild]

I also find it very strange that your therapist just let you go like that.

I was surprised too. I felt abandoned. Group therapy isn't really my thing. I would most likely downplay my own suffering with all those other people there.

 

[Hatechild]

I won the award.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Congratulations :) how does that feel?

 

[Hatechild]

I don't know. The anniversary of my Dad's death is in two days.

 

[The Albatross]

Don't let anticipatory stress rob you of your achievement today.

 

[Hatechild]

I'm not stressed. I just don't feel like I'm there. No matter how I feel, nothing changes. I can't afford to feel safe and happy. The minute you think that, it will be the last thing that you think.

I feel it may be best to disappear eventually. I have started planning for it as a contingency.