That is why general parenting needs to be addressed. Keeping a child around a known predator has nothing to do with building a healthy bond with her/his parent or with them getting self confidence and good boundaries as well as assertiveness skills. It also won't take away the mental health issues and personality disorders of the parents of these children which is part of what is responsible for their parental deficits in the first place.
But there is no safe bubble in Australia that you can take your children to that is sexual predator free. You might no know someone is a sexual predator but they still are there. So cutting off from one in your family doesn't help you in all the other spheres of you and your child's life.
How would that have happened Ms Spock? If your father was typical predator then he certainly wasn't going to volunteer.
It depends on the country and what programs are in place. If going into treatment is an option rather than incarceration. That can be incentive. If the family withdraws until treatment commences then that can be incentive.
How can anyone really make sure supervision happens all the time.
It is just like being able to make sure a baby doesn't drown in shallow water or fall off a bed. You are mindful of what you are doing.
In Australia there are contact centres where supervision happens under the watchful eyes of psychologist.
The parents bring another two adults for each child. The child has the parents watching them as well as the other two adults.
The more people continue to be around them without the truth being addressed and as if they are not dangerous the more the message to others is that they don't need to be careful.
The point is the monitoring by family, friends and staff that the truth is addressed.
I have seen the opposite happen over and over gain. The sexual abuse occurs. The eldest in the family discloses. No one wants a sex offender in their family. So the one who disclosed loses everything - family, school, church, social activities. Then everyone goes on as if they don't need to be careful
I must not have communicated clearly. If a child was to be around a mother's or father's sexual abuse well of course the truth would have to be addressed. I am not saying any type of secret keeping would go on. Once this is addressed and monitored word gets out and the monitoring can go on in a range of social networks.
What happens now is some people go back and hope that things will be better for their child. This type of denial keeps the cycle of abuse going on. So when informed, mindful and thoughtful people go back - with plans and strategies. The first link in the change of intergenerational sexual abuse is broken.
Then as there are no ongoing strategies around child protection people just go on hoping for the best. If a survivor and his or her child has contact with the perpetrator then every thing has to be discussed and on the table - which doesn't happen if the survivor stays away. If a man or woman is monitoried for their sexual predator ways - then everyone is involved. There is no secret keeping.
I believe in treating all perpetrators with humanity and attempting rehabilitation but I cannot see how planning to put a 2 year old around a known paedophile and thinking you can teach them to protect themselves can ever be wise and ever be anything other than plain dangerous.
One thing is age appropriate discussions and at age 2 you would talk about safe feelings and icky feelings depending on the child. And of course I don't mean a 2 year old would learn the skills to protect themselves. This is why the whole family and community need to be involved.
All parents should be building good relationships with their children and making sure they have good assertiveness skills but there are a lot who don't. Assertiveness skills and self esteem help but not enough to protect people in many cases.
It seems to me that I must not be explaining the concept of supervised access. You build in safety Plan B's for unscheduled accidents of situations. The child is simple not left alone with the offender. And assertiveness skills particularly when encouraged in children means the sexual offender won't bother with this as child who has a parent with assertiveness and good self esteem will communicate very quickly any distress. Being undetected is paramount. So a good parent who has a healthy attachment with their child - they simple won't bother. Particularly when each member of the family and friends are watching.
This is not like playing Russian roulette. There are strategies and programs worked out surrounding all this.
There will be dangers where we don't expect them but I cannot see how choosing to put danger in your house is ever the answer to that problem.
But everywhere else that danger is there. So perhaps it is best to learn to manage it and learn the skills to identify grooming behaviours so you not only protect your child in this situation but in all the arenas of life as the sexual predators are everywhere.
