Relationship Zoning Out....

[Mtnativecohome]

My husband has been diagnosed with PTSD from severe sexual abuse as a child, he is in therapy but seems to take 1/2 step forward And two steps back. I'm not sure what his trigger was but the entire day for two months he plays chess or modern war fare at least 12 hours out of the day. It drives me crazy... Any thoughts. He recently started drinking as well, it doesn't seem to be improving after two months. Any thoughts about involuntary placement in a facility based treatment center?

 

[Whitneys story]

My husband has been diagnosed with PTSD from severe sexual abuse as a child, he is in therapy but seems to take 1/2 step forward And two steps back.

Hi and Welcome to the Forum. I am undiagnosed so can only offer some direction to find some help for you. On the New Member Page are several articles written by Anthony that I found very helpful. There is also a Supporter section available. Hugs if you accept them, know that you are not alone here!

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hi M,

Sorry to read of your situation, it can be grim to watch our loved one suffer.

I can't say anything specifically about your situation, we all have complicated lives, but in my experience 2 months is a very short time in therapy and reading Anthony's posts will help you to understand a bit more about what your man may be going through.

Removing someone's freedom is a very big step, I had to have my father detained under the mental health act. You may want to talk to his T on the phone and explain what's happening.

Do you think he is in immanent danger of causing harm to himself, you or others?

 

[Mtnativecohome]

I wonder every day if he is going to be alive when I get home. It's just a feeling, I don't hear from him and when I try to talk with him he just says he wants to be alone. He sits in the room the entire day, playing phone chess or video games the entire day, into the night. I have never experienced a 360 degree change in someone and am grieving the loss. I keep watching for a sign of something that will click and offer a glimmer of hope. It's affecting the entire family and difficult to be the pillar and shield small children from this. I feel really really bad and a bit of anger.

 

[Eleanor]

No wisdom here Mtnative, Just moral support. So sorry you are all going through this. I know it must seem impossible, but if you can, even for five minutes in the shower, take a little time to check in with yourself and care for you. If you can get a sitter and take couple of hours and read a book or get coffee, or a massage or whatever is restorative for you that would be even better.

No surprise about the anger, and no shame in it either. Par for the course. Hang in there...

 

[Pale Warrior]

Is he still seeing his T?

 

[ProudWife99]

I agree with PW, taking away the freedom is a very serious choice. There were days I wanted to admit my husband because I just wanted him to get better faster, not because he was in any real danger. This was not helpful for him.

I hate saying it, but it gets worse before it gets better. If he is still seeing a T regularly and seeking treatment, I would recommend speaking with that person to update them on his status in the home. Listen to their advice and follow it if you're comfortable with it.

As Eleanor said, check in with yourself. Care for yourself and remember how important your needs are. He may not be able to meet them, but you may. Sometimes I think of it like I did when my husband was deployed to Iraq and I didn't hear from him for days at a time. He could not give me what I needed so I had to provide for myself. I did not love him less, I just had to tend to myself.

Take care

 

[Pale Warrior]

grieving the loss

So so true :(:cry::mad:

It's not the classic grief on death cycle, our loved ones are still alive, but its own unique grief that only this brings.

Get some help, call his T and have a conversation. He may initially be angry at your intervention, I know my husband was. That however is part of your adult commitment to each other, surely, to care enough to try? If it doesn't help then you have done your best, you found this place and you understood how poorly he is.

From my point of view, I can't force healing on others and can only be accountable for my own behaviour.

Taking a long hard look at my role in husband's bad place forced me to change my behaviour, the old coping and communication pathways had been scrambled by his PTSD and I was the one who need to move on and keep up with the curve. I had to think of a different future than the one I had previously understood and that was a grief all of it's own.

 

[Mtnativecohome]

Is he still seeing his T?

He is seeing the therapist once a week. He had a disassociation state for the past two days, which scared me. Something happened today, that he sorta emerged from it. I'm seeing a counselor in the same office and she thought he seemed critical. I was afraid to take the step to have him potentially held, because when he first suffered a breakdown they held him for 48 hours, he is originally from the middle east and didn't really understand what was happening and felt so vulnerable. It is extremely shameful and isn't generally accepted in the middle east to have these types of problems. The abuse if brought to the surface would shame and ostracize the entire family. I am not equipped to fully understand his situation, and recognize when it is at the limit of no return. Since January, this is a completely different person and I'm not sure he will ever be back.