Sexual Assault Is This Sexual Assault? Please Help

[Weemie]

I'm female. I'm a CSA survivor. If a guy that I liked got into bed with me, damn straight I'd see that as a sexual signal.

And then what? If someone passed out on your bed, you'd see it as a sexual signal and just go to town? Clearly not. If you're "only" talking about "someone getting into bed with you" then I would implore you to explain how that is relevant to the OP's post, which clearly stated that she was passed out drunk.

I would really recommend you take a long, hard look at what you're saying, here.

I find it disturbing that you don't advocate for women protecting themselves.

Furthermore, the fact that OP didn't "protect themselves" is frankly not relevant to the discussion of them being assaulted. I find it disturbing that you feel the need to point out this apparent lapse in judgment while at the same time claiming that you harbor no blame for them whatsoever.

People are not cars, or houses. You can't just lock the door on yourself and call it a day. I advocate that rapists don't rape people. It is not "up" to a woman, or to anyone, to defend themselves against every would-be rapist out there. It's not our responsibility to prevent people from raping us.

And, as @joeylittle already pointed out, the OP may not even be a woman.

 

[Ronin]

Standing ovation, @lightraze.

 

[Sideways]

For me (personal reflection), my experience with sexual assault, and what some people are capable of - it's left me in a place where I read about women who get blind drunk or do this or do that, and there's a protective kind of panic sets in. My head is thinking "OMG, please please don't put yourself in that position".

It's not because I think "preventing rape" is the victim's responsibility. It's because I know that in this world, with the monsters that walk amongst us, I feel like I need to have every possible self-defence mechanism available to me. All the time. The consequences of not having my own back all the time are way too awful.

And in a bid to spare as many people as possible from experiencing the very worst of humanity, my gut instinct is to say "Please please protect yourself at all times".

The consequence of rape, regardless of how it happened, is the same. It's just as awful, whether you had the ability to fight tooth and nail or whether you were blind drunk of your own accord. It doesn't matter in the end, the suffering is the same. And the monster responsible should be neutered (and that's just the start).

But we're here in a ptsd forum. Where people have experienced the very very worst that humankind has to offer. And maybe it's just me, but my gut wants to reach out to every young woman and plead with them until they understand: there are monsters out there. Monsters are real. Wear your armour as often as you can, because you can never assume that you're safe. Not ever.

It's a very biased perspective- but goddamn do I ever believe in guarding your own safety as though your life depended on it. Because your lofe may well depend on it.

 

[Ronin]

@Ragdoll Circus, that's though a very different perspective than what me & @lightraze are arguing as coming from the other posts.

Mostly because coming from a place of concern, and leaving the judgment at the door, is quite a different thing.

 

[Weemie]

I have no doubt in my mind that Eve and Shimmerz are trying to come from a place of concern as well. But I balk at the language used and the tone conveyed.

I understand that this is the kind of thing that is said, especially to women, every single day. I understand that more than likely they have heard and internalized those very things. I am not trying to demonize them. But I balk at seeing it perpetuated, especially with someone who clearly is new in this sphere.

What this individual needs right now is compassion and kindness, not an inventory of the responsibility they did or did not take over their own personal safety. That is none of our business and it is frankly harmful and damaging to bring into play right now.

 

[The Albatross]

I have expressed the idea Shimmerz does about personal responsibility... though it does not have bearing directly on the assault per se... before, and concur.

 

[RussH]

They state they woke with fingers inside of them. That's not gender-specific.

@joeylittle You are absolutely right, men are also sexually assaulted. And you are also right that the op does not give their gender. I guess for me the wording, plus the statistics regarding sexual assault put female in my mind.
So all people should not get so drunk they pass out, because it allows a scumbag to take advantage of you.

 

[RussH]

To all who are posting on this topic: I suggest we all wait to see if the op comes back and actual reads, then responds to what has been written.

 

[Elzi]

Uhm, when exactly did the "I do not want sex" discussion happen?

@RussH

If...

The 'I don't want sex discussion' happened earlier in the day (it was part of a casual discussion, like I'd already made it clear I wasn't attracted to him but basically earlier in the day id told him I was starting seeing someone so was no longer sleeping with other people. And also, the discussion couldn't have Happened immediately beforehand because I wasn't conscious then

 

[Elzi]

OP here, thanks to everyone who replied just to clear that up, my issue is that I sometimes freak out about sexual situations more than I should because I already have PTSD from a sexual assault that happened a couple of years ago when I was 16, but now I've had a little time to think about it it's pretty clear that what happened wasn't right at all. I guess I'm just hoping that this doesn't make me significantly worse than I already was :/

Oh and ps I am a girl just to clarify

 

[Heather]

I have debated about staying out of this but after reading all replies, I just want to say that coming from a similar situation.....even if it's been 15 years plus. I was young and I got hammered. Should I have not gone into bed with that guy? Yeah, probably. None of us are perfect. We make mistakes, especially when we are young.

I think down the line Elzi will have to reconcile that fact but I echo others that it's too soon to point that out. It just happened. Hopefully she will heal from this and make different choices in the future.

I know I said this before but I really feel for what you are going through. When it was over the days following left me confused....that's what I remember the most.

 

[desiderata310]

I started to reply a different way and saw that this thread has taken a rather ugly and victim blaming under toning so imma gonna leave this right here and then walk away.
ORIGIONAL poster:
Yes, love, it was sexual assualt/rape.
This kind of says all I need to say on the rest.
https://slutwalkphoenix.wordpress.com/how-to-prevent-rape/
*drops mic*