Sexual Assault Discussing Childhood Sexual Abuse With My Pastor

[Changing4Best]

OK, I got a reply from the Pastor:

"Sheila, I think these are great ideas. Please continue with your plan to do the training with Cookie tomorrow night (the training is to be a childcare worker! sk)- "i told her that you and I were talking and making plans together. I'm at the Conference now which always gives me good prayer time. We can talk more next week when I'm back."

"thank you for praying and discerning with me!"
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OK, so I misread her non-response. She was probably in transit. She had told me she was travelling Wednesday, but she may have traveled Tuesday instead, so her response was delayed.
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@anthony I thought about your response and I think it was kind of harsh in that these Forums are the place for us to unload our negative emotions, so long as we don't unload them at other members. This is a therapeutic setting, one in which I usually feel safe to release emotions, especially sadness, fear or upset with someone in my life.

I have training on how to regulate my emotions, and in the setting of taking care of children, I would be sure to do so. I would be extra careful, in fact. If a child were to lace into me for some reason, or criticize me for some reason, I might reply if I felt it was needed, or I might ignore it, if it did not seem important, or I might gently scold the child for doing so, with a kind of "Tisk Tisk" attitude. I would not break down in tears, I know that for sure. I very rarely cry, as I have stated here previously in this thread.

 

[Changing4Best]

My Therapy session went well. We discussed all my options, but this was before I got the above response from my pastor, so we did not have that data during our session. I will share my pastor's answer with my therapist now too, by email.

 

[digger]

but go on and fuel Shelia's distress.

It has nothing to do with fuelling anyone's distress. I find that comment quite bizarre frankly.

Accepting that that is just how it is is one option. Challenging the church on their thinking behind the question is another option. Both valid.

 

[The Albatross]

I've taught VBS, I've been abused, I've gone through this process, and to me this is not an intellectual exercise because I've worked with three different at risk groups and been screened for all three.

What is bizarre to me is that people with no similar experiences have seen fit to comment.

 

[The Albatross]

added: Except for Russ that I can think of right off hand.

 

[digger]

What is bizarre to me is that people with no similar experiences have seen fit to comment.

In @SheilaKathy s original post she asked both

Has anyone here ever gone through such an interview? What are your thoughts about this if you haven't?

My responses come from of a place of having worked with children and young people in both voluntary and paid capacities and having worked with other vulnerable client groups (elderly, disabled, learning difficulties) and never having been asked in an application if I was a victim of child abuse.

 

[scout86]

That's good news @SheilaKathy . I'm glad it turned out to be just a matter of waiting for her to get back to you!

 

[The Albatross]

I stand corrected, but that has not been my own experience here in Florida. Not necessarily on an application but during a face to face interview.

 

[The Albatross]

Carry on Shelia... withdrawing from your thread.

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, my childcare training is tomorrow (Thursday night at 6PM, so please everyone, keep me in your prayers that I learn everything that I am supposed to learn and that I remember it too! (I might bring a notebook to take notes with, which I will do maybe right after the session, as I am not good at listening and writing at the same time)! Thanks for all your support and thoughts and prayers while this all has been ongoing for me. Yes, it was upsetting, but if this is what it takes for me to be able to work with the kids of my church, so be it, it was worth it.

I must admit, as well, that I prayed about it and God told me that it would all be alright, but I doubt sometimes if I hear Him correctly when He speaks to me. I hear voices sometimes, and so I get confused as to whether I am hearing Him or the voices. I was pretty sure it was Him, but then I got all upset and forgot to read my Bible and pray some more, instead turning to you folks here for comfort. Instead, it kind of turned out to be more upsetting in some ways than I should have let it be. I think the thought of leaving my church was what upset me the most. Anyway....

So I should have just prayed and prayed and not been a complainer. Lesson learned, I hope!

 

[Nicolette]

I thought about your response and I think it was kind of harsh in that these Forums

Anthony replied to you with his opinion, at your request, no different to how he would respond to me. He is not a fluffy talker and I find his comments hard to digest at times despite his good intent. It's nothing to do with harsh, his tolerance for what he deems as trivial matters is less than most due to his life experiences.

As for wanting my opinion, I wonder if you were wanting it as validation rather than what my opinion was. When you put yourself out there and ask for opinions @SheilaKathy, it is then for you to decide what you think has merit, what you will take on board or what you will disregard.

Without reading 5 pages, as I'm sick as a dog with the flu, I don't see how your past reflects what your current goals are.... I think it's important to remember that while one may be passionate about something and want immediate responses, it may not be the same priority for the other person and you are only inciting personal distress by jumping the gun.

Finally, I'd rather not get involved in religious or political discussions as I personally see these institutions as manipulators of people.

 

[Changing4Best]

In an email now from my Therapist, she pointed out that sometimes God uses other people to speak to us when we are troubled. She said it is not wrong to go to others for advice, and then I had to realize after that, that if some certain advice upsets me or seems wrong, that it is probably not God speaking to me through that person. I have to be able to discern God's voice and also His advice through others too, I guess. That is really hard for me. I am just starting to discern His advice through others. But when one gets conflicting advices, one has to discern WHICH ADVICE is coming from God, and which is not.

In this case, my Therapist's advice was the advice that made the most sense to me. She had said in our therapy session that since our church has itinerant pastors, if I had a dislike to something a pastor said or did, I could probably just wait it out and not leave the church. She said that in one instance when her church's pastor was a real nasty man, they all just waited it out (but a few folks did leave) because they knew he was to retire soon. That was the advice I was leaning toward when I got the go ahead from my Pastor in her delayed email saying that I should do the childcare training.

So I have to work on patience and discernment. I will do that. It is not easy, but I am praying about these things, asking God to help me to learn them better! Please pray for me to learn them better too.