Relationship How To Get Diagnosis

[Suzetig]

That's really very quick to expect her to make a full assessment and diagnosis. I hear what you say about your knowledge but training to be a therapist is much more involved than doing a degree - she will have had a lot of supervised practice, her own extensive therapy and, as much as you may not want to hear it, her 40 years experience will give her something you don't have - a knowledge of the very many and varied ways that people present with the same or similar disorders.

You could follow the dsm criteria for a dozen or more disorders and fit your husband into one of them. Similarly 6 different people with the same diagnosis will present in completely different ways - I hear your concern for your husband but unless you have reason to think she is incompetent - other than her just not agreeing with your "diagnosis" - I think you need to trust her to do her job.

I've been in therapy on and off for many years, my husband considers it to be something private and personal to me and wouldn't dream of suggesting my therapist was wrong, unless I had concerns myself. Two sessions in is too quick, in my opinion, even if she did diagnose PTSD, your husband has a very long road ahead in recovery and that work can start regardless of diagnosis. It's also worth bearing in mind that sometimes a formal diagnosis can do more harm than good.

You seem to be hanging a lot of emphasis on getting this diagnosis - what makes it so important to you given she and your husband can do good, healing work without it?

 

[Mrs Allen]

The key is seeing an experienced trauma psychiatrist.

The thing is, I'm not the patient. I don't go to his appointments, he doesn't want me to because there are things in his childhood he is starting to remember that he doesn't want anyone knowing. He doesn't like talking about them. To anyone, even me or a therapist. He is going because we came across a support group and a therapist that we talked to a lot more to and in more detail, together as a couple, than he has to this therapist suggested that he has "delayed onset (c)ptsd from childhood trama" and he may be wrong. Or this therapist may have not had time in just the 2 visits to identify ptsd. It may take longer to "see" and diagnose. Which I would understand. What I'm so upset about is that he is triggered by things that nothing other than a trama type disorder would cause, the things that happen there's just no other rational explaination for. And I'm not just some lay person. I've been thru school to be a counselor and had to quit due to a chronic illness. I'm no proffessional, but we have been a member of support groups for literally months and he relates to everything that people discuss and post. It's been great help and support. The main thing that fuels my anger is her completely dismissing the thought of ptsd. I'd understand if she said we will see, or we will explore that option. But she specifically told him to quit thinking he has ptsd.

 

[Suzetig]

You don't know what he's taking to therapy - and that's as it should be. The training you've done should give you a sense of the importance of him being able to work at his pace in the relationship with his therapist - it took me 7 months with my current therapist to even make brief reference to my trauma, and another 6 more before I could start to talk about it again. In those 13 months my T saw some signs of trauma and PTSD but didn't rush me or push me to go there - for which I am eternally greatful. This isn't going to be a quick fix for him but it'll go better if you're able to relax a bit and support him and his therapist.

You questioning her capability and competency will undermine his confidence in her when he needs that relationship to be trustworthy. She may have totally dismissed PTSD because there isn't anything that he's bringing her to suggest that's a possibility. It's his therapy and he gets to choose what he talks about, as hard as that may be for you.

Of course all that is irrelevant if you have evidence she is actually incompetent but that's not what I'm hearing.

 

[EveHarrington]

Honestly, here in the USA (IME, after seeing more mental health practitioners than I care to remember)-------it's not the therapist who typically diagnoses.

Most often it's a doctor------a psychiatrist with a medical degree.

Or alternatively a PhD with a doctorate in clinical psychology.

If you are waiting around for a diagnosis by a therapist, you may be waiting awhile.

Doctors are trained in diagnosing-----to a much higher degree than someone who only has a counseling degree.

Diagnosing takes skill. It's more than simply looking at a list of criteria.

I'm a lay person, no psych type of degree. I can easily fit myself into a PPD diagnosis-----easily! But a few weeks ago my doc told me it all naturally stems from trauma and isn't a separate diagnosis. I mention this as it really does take a trauma knowledgeable professional to figure it all out.

Is your husbands therapist a trauma therapist? (From what I'm reading, I am doubtful----)

This woman graduated from school before PTSD was even a diagnosis, right? Unless she's had more training on the subject post graduation, she probably knows less about the disorder than most of us here who actually have it. -------This is why finding a trauma therapist is imperative! A trauma therapist will be able to give your husband a clearer picture as to what's going on.

How did your husband choose this therapist?

I'm gonna wager that the vast majority of us had bad/not good/not trauma knowledgeable therapists before finding a good one.

 

[Crow]

Just curious. If he's getting help what difference does the label make? It's tougher to get insurance to cover ptsd than depression treatment so that can't be it. Ultimately it's his choice who he sees. Two sessions? No time for any kind of relationship to be built. Plus only a licensed psychiatrist should be determining diagnosis. mho.

 

[Justmehere]

Is your spouse frustrated with the lack of diagnosis as well as you?

 

[Mrs Allen]

How does your husband feel about it?

My husband truly believes he has ptsd, but did ask me to just let her do her job.

 

[Mrs Allen]

You don't know what he's taking to therapy - and that's as it should be. The training you've done shoul...

I understand where you're coming from completely.

You don't know what he's taking to therapy - and that's as it should be. The training you've done shoul...

I understand what you are saying. But I do know what he's taking to therapy. He comes home and tells me, I'm telling her everything. I'm telling her about my childhood, about triggers at home now and how it's affecting me, about the nightmares, about everything. And she tells me to stop thinking I have ptsd.

 

[Mrs Allen]

Honestly, here in the USA (IME, after seeing more mental health practitioners than I care to reme...

WE are in the USA as well and we chose this clinic itself based on feedback from my children's therapists, on their reviews and other people's personal experience with them as a clinic. I see a therapist at the same clinic for my issues. The clinic chose his therapist. You can change therapist, but going in, they choose 1 for you based on what you say you are needing to be seen for. Which he said was "I have trama from my childhood and feel like I have ptsd and need to see a therapist and a psych for med to help me with this"

 

[Mrs Allen]

He hasn't shown any frustration really about the lack of diagnosis, but he is active as someone with ptsd in his fb groups. He doesn't show emotions. Doesn't feel he has emotions. But due to his still being so active in these groups, I know that he still believes he has ptsd.

I want the diagnosis because I want to understand why he does the things he does, acts the way he acts, I want to know that it's not just me that's the problem. I want to know why things happen with my children the way they do. I just want to know what the problem is so that I can be supportive of him and learn how to not be a trigger because apparently me and my kids all are triggers for him. I just want to know so I can learn what to do to make things better. And because I know that depression doesn't cause someone to do the things he does to people that you claim to love.

 

[Suzetig]

And because I know that depression doesn't cause someone to do the things he does to people that you claim to love.

This sounds like the crux of it. Reading between the lines there are behaviours he's displaying that aren't ok and are hurtful? I grew up around depression and honestly it can lead to some pretty awful behaviours if left untreated, so hard as it is, try not to dismiss the possibility that he has a severe form of depression.

In saying that, if you are a trigger for him, he needs to learn to manage that, it's not as simple as you or the kids just learning not to trigger him - you can't live your life walking on eggshells. The behaviour is always the responsibility of the person behaving the way they do, we all have responsibility for managing our own triggers. Any therapy he does will help him understand himself and his behaviours better and will help him manage himself, whatever label they give it.

You do sound at the end of your tether though, there are lots of supporters with long experience of living with someone with PTSD who can help you while you're figuring things out.

 

[Mrs Allen]

This sounds like the crux of it. Reading between the lines there are behaviours he's displaying that ar...

You completely sumed it up. "Walking on eggshells" that us our life. Everything I do is wrong, everything I do is my fault, everything he says to me and does is stored in my mind and I can't erase it, no matter how much I try. His flight response is so high and so often, I'm now numb to it. I expect to wake up any day with him and his things gone. I will not be suprised when or if that day comes. He tells me that every counselor he has seen has told him to leave. But when I asked him if this one feels that way too, he said no. I said does she think the problem is me and my kids like all the others have fold you? (He has SAID that's what everyone tells him, but I have no way of knowing if that is true) he said no not at all. He's told me many times that when he isn't here he's "not like this" and he isn't triggered anywhere but here. I do have to admit, he's made quite a few positive changes in his behavior in just these 2 visits. I am worried however that the damage done to our relationship and my feelings towards him, I'm worried that it's too late for me. I'm worried that even tho I'm in therapy for my own issues, that I won't be able to forgive him for blaming me and my kids for so long, and for putting us thru what he has. I guess having such a serious "not your fault at all" diagnosis, would justify all of this behavior and would make me feel more empathetic toward him and able to accept it and forgive him for the things he has done. I know that sounds stupid and it's probably my BPD that makes me need this. Heck, it's probably my BPD that makes me even stay in the relationship.