Relationship Beware Ptsd Being Used As An Excuse...

[BSSupporterGB]

Since this is in response to me, i will reply to it.

What? Dont start "those kinds of relat...

No, that is not what I am saying at all. And definitely not because you are living with PTSD. No one automatically knows how to be in a relationship, that is learnt, and it's different for everyone. This is not anything against you personally either, so let's try and take that out of it.

What I am saying, is that IF things keep ending the same way - walking away because it's easier to be with a stranger - then wouldn't it make sense to try something different so that one does not keep walking away because it's "easier" to be with a stranger? The word "easy"....does not sit well with me. As a supporter, if my partner said that to me, and went with someone else because it was easier, that tells me our relationship is not worth any effort or willingness to try something different, and that his needs are more important than our relationship.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The word "easy"....does not sit well with me.

It IS easier to be with a stranger. Im just being completely honest there. To be volernable with someone isnt easy. And it isnt always something that can be 'in for the long haul'. It honestly depends on me and him, where im at, where he is at, where we are at...to whether i dig in and work hard to stay. It isnt always the sufferer, remember that all relationships take work (PTSD or not)...so there is a ton of work on the supporter side as well.

To me, it sounds like you are placing all the work on the sufferer. Maybe im miss reading, totally possible, but thats how i read what you are saying.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@lostforgottensoul, this is a supporter thread and a vent about being hurt in a relationship. It is not about you personally.

 

[jbrown2691]

@jbrown2691 This is a little harsh. She was a supporter and part of this forum...

OK
My apologies
Take care bubbles

 

[jbrown2691]

@jbrown2691, I see that you're a new member, but you need to be aware of how this...

OK thanks my apologies

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't know how to quote...sorry.

In response to you Eve, the battle between needs vs wants is...

I'm saying things from a PTSD perspective. I think it would be a good idea to try and see things from the PTSD perspective and not apply non-PTSD logic to relationships. In the end you can argue how regular relationships should work but this strict way of thinking will put undue pressure on a relationship with a PTSD sufferer. If one isn't willing to understand that PTSD relationships have different dynamics and special needs, then perhaps it's not in your best interest to be in a relationship with someone who has PTSD.

 

[EveHarrington]

OK

No worries------there are people who post mostly non PTSD stuff here in the PTSD parts of the forum and they get lots of support. It's just easier to pay no attention to those posts and move on if you want to focus on helping those who have PTSD struggles.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@EveHarrington this is the supporter section... The "supporter relationship" section specifically.

 

[BSSupporterGB]

It IS easier to be with a stranger. Im just being completely honest there. To be volernable...

I was asking, in general - my posts are not directed solely at you or in response to anything I am going through with my partner.

Thank you for your honesty and insights. I am not sure where you get the idea that I am placing all the work on him in our relationship? It's quite interesting you came to that conclusion....I will have to look at how I present things in the future. My responses are mostly general and do not always reflect what is happening in my own relationship. There is no pressure at all on him from me. I cannot force him (or anyone I am in a relationship with, intimate or not) to do anything he/they does not want to do. My partner has to want to be in this relationship with me. If he wants to then we will work on it together, because that's what people do in relationships. Whether he has PTSD or not, one does not simply go be with a stranger because it is easier. I can understand how it can be easier, absolutely. It would be easy, for me to simply be with a stranger to (to get my needs met! We both have needs!), but that's not how relationships work. Just because it is easier right now to do that, doesn't mean you should do that. If this is a common theme though, then it is something that needs to be worked on and it's really not fair to start a relationship with someone if you haven't worked on it, or not willing to work on it with your partner.

It is hard to be vulnerable, for anyone. Because that opens up the door to possibly being hurt. It also opens up the door to love, happiness and so much more. Working on getting past that stage of it simply being easier to be with a stranger, is worth more than ending a relationship to be with a stranger.

 

[EveHarrington]

@Sweetpea76

I have no idea what you're getting at.

My point was that there are people here who are given lots of support when they post things that have nothing whatsoever to do with PTSD. I'm not saying it in reference to the supporter section. I see it happen in the sufferer sections all the time. I'm saying that it's best just to pass on by these posts if one doesn't see anything PTSD related in them and only wants to reply to PTSD related posts.

Again, what I said has nothing to do with this being a supporter post. I know it's a supporter post.

 

[EveHarrington]

@Sweetpea76

I meant PTSD parts of the forum as in PTSD sufferer or PTSD supporter.

Off topic non PTSD posts are expected in social, politics, etc.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

. I am not sure where you get the idea that I am placing all the work on him in our relationship? It's quite interesting you came to that conclusion...

These are how:

don't start a meaningful relationship with someone in the first place because you know you will leave when it gets too real which just hurts the person who has fallen in love and supported/cared for you....

walking away because it's easier to be with a stranger - then wouldn't it make sense to try something different so that one does not keep walking away because it's "easier" to be with a stranger?

And take the hard parts of your last comment and times them by a millon for a PTSD sufferer (not the supporter) and you would slightly understand how hard it is for a PTSD sufferer to have and stay in a relationship.

I (cant say 'we' as i cant speak for everyone) try harder as an abuse suvivor and a PTSD sufferer than anyone would ever guess I do to have and stay in a relationship. Personally, i dont leave because something else is easier, i leave before they can leave me due to my history...but thats me.