Sex: How Willing Should A Therapist Be To Talk About It?

[Udi]

You could always seek a new therapist if it bothers you so much.

 

[Emov]

Maybe she's prudish?

It was weirder than that. She was triggered.

I'm wondering how you would work through the feeling of unworthy and disgusting?

Taking the muzzle off and allowing me to talk about it would probably have been a good place to start.

You could always seek a new therapist if it bothers you so much.

Except that no one takes the crappy insurance I'm stuck with right now.

 

[Luhewab]

Triggered how? Like, afraid?

 

[Muruj]

Therapists are human beings - they're not all the same.
It took a few until I got the right fit.
Bottom line - you can't make anyone, therapist or no, be the person you want them to be. Sounds like it's not her forte and sounds like you really need to talk about it.
Why not get her to refer you? She probsbly know therapists that wouldn't find that s challenge.
In the whole though therapists are trained to help us deal with emotions, not necessarily our sexual life.
Its a different thing

 

[Omezih]

Did you try being up front and telling her that you felt she was changing the subject, avoiding what you needed to talk about? It may be something she's really unaware of - an unconscious avoidance so to speak - thst might be a way forward, explicitly telling her you need to talk about this stuff and telling her when you feel she's avoiding or judging you.

That would also give her the opportunity to challenge your perception of what's happening with her, given your feelings of unworthiness it's possible that you're picking up something in her responses that isn't there or doesn't mean what you think it means. I know you won't like me saying that, but experience tells me it's always a possibility.

 

[Kubujo]

So the op wasn't wrong to bring up what she did with her T?

Of course not!

Regardless of whether or not sex is a subject her therapist is comfortable or conversant in, it's a subject the OP wishes to discuss. That doesn't magically make her therapist a great person to be talking about sex with, but it is the only way to find out if they are, or if she needs to find a different person to talk sex with.

 

[Corit]

Bottom line - you can't make anyone, therapist or no, be the person you want them to be. Sounds like it's not her forte and sounds like you really need to talk about it.

^^^^
This.

 

[Emov]

Why not get her to refer you? She probsbly know therapists that wouldn't find that s challenge.

She probably doesn't know any therapists that would take the insurance I have right now.

Did you try being up front and telling her that you felt she was changing the subject, avoiding what you needed to talk about?

Are you guys reading through the posts here or what? I stated repeatedly already that I asked her about her avoidance and she adamantly denied it (and promptly went back to avoiding).

Triggered how? Like, afraid?

Yeah, sort of. Like squirming in her seat, fidgeting, nervously laughing and changing the subject. You know what it's like to be triggered.

 

[Sohodi]

I think you are getting the same questions repeatedly because it sounds like you are engaging in some mind-reading here. Possibly.

If you are up for it and don't feel like it's an attack, mind sharing what you said to her and what she said back?

Also - how do you know she won't have referrals that are relevant to your insurance? (If you're in the US, you can also call your insurance co, BTW)

 

[Zohab]

Yeah, sort of. Like squirming in her seat, fidgeting, nervously laughing and changing the subject. You know what it's like to be triggered.

That sounds like mild discomfort to me. When I'm triggered I'll have slammed someone to the floor, or against the wall; go completely still, whether fighting for control or lights on but nobody home; or zoooom! be off like a prom dress. Fight/flight. Massive reaction. Not a little bit of maybe nervousness.

Not questioning at all that you felt uncomfortable talking to her, nor that she may well be the last person in the world to have an open and frank discussion of sex with, but I do have to agree that from reading your other posts there sounds like there's also been a lot of mindreading / jumping to conclusions/ shoulds/ possible projecting/ etc. Whether or not therapists "should" be able to talk about sex, doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things when yours isn't able to, or chooses not to, or there simply isn't the rapport.

 

[Owun]

If she said she wasn't avoiding and felt comfortable I guess I would have taken her at her word and stayed talking about what I wanted to and told her every time I felt she was avoiding. Looking uncomfortable doesn't sound like avoidance though - there have been many times in my therapy where my T would squirm or look uncomfortable because what I was saying was hard for her to hear. Maybe because it was graphic, or I was talking about abuse it because she really felt for me. One of us will usually acknowledge how hard the conversation is and then get back to talking about it.

It's a relationship with two people in it. You both are entitled to your own feelings and she said she was ok with what you were talking about so I guess I would take her at her word.

 

[Fahehu]

Nervous, peculiar - was it turning her on? :confused: