Would You Consider This Self Harm?

[Kimubo]

A week ago for several reasons including trying to get an honest read of cardiac function on 30 day heart monitor, frustration that I was still having nearly daily panic attacks, a boatload of meds that I am sick of taking and being frustrated that my T was away for 10 days and things at work had really hit the fan I decided to quit taking my benzo prescription cold turkey. I was taking up to 3 my of xanax a day (1 my twice a day with 1 mg prn mid day if I had was having symptoms so lately yeah 3 mg/day)

Anyway, I met with my T this evening and I was frustrated about a lot of things and he asked about my physical health as he knows I have been going through a lot lately and as I was venting I let slip that I had stopped the meds. He asked me if I had considered that this was just another way of self harming. That by causing myself to go through the withdrawl symptoms (so far just daily multiple panic attacks) that I have found a different way to hurt myself again rather than comfort and soothe myself when things felt out of control.

I know I am a control freak and yes I have been trying to prove to myself that I can just suck it up and get through these attacks without meds but maybe I am wrong in the way I am going about it. So again I am wondering because I know my thinking on this may be skewed but is this self harm?

 

[Ihoj]

Hmmm, interesting question. I don't think I would have ever consciously thought it was self harm. But in the context he presented it, sounds like it ,doesn't it.. hmm. I have requested a lower dose of meds and to get completely off one... but I guess trying to find something that works is not the same as stopping benzos cold turkey. Something to think about. Thanks or sharing this.

 

[Pame]

I think stopping benzos cold turkey when you know you will have bad withdrawal symptoms could constitute self harm. I hope you take a lower dose soon to stop the multiple panic attacks.

I weaned off of Ativan a couple months ago, but did it very slowly. I still ended up getting heart palpitations at the end and my doc put me on Propranolol, which is not a benzo, but stopped the palpitations within half an hour and I'm still on it, which I don't mind.

Stopping a benzo cold turkey is really dangerous. You could have a seizure, which could be life threatening. I hope you take maybe half a milligram just to stay on the right side of that, then talk to your psych about a reasonable withdrawal schedule.

 

[Cokohu]

He asked me if I had considered that this was just another way of self harming. That by causing myself to go through the withdrawl symptoms

I dont consider stopping all meds self harming unless you know for sure its going to harm you such as causing pain (not taking pain meds), causing some sort of harm in an intention to cause that harm. Being sick of meds and stopping them all sounds like just another day in my life.

Also, not everyone goes through withdrawl on benzos, I dont. I bolded that because i cant seem to get people to realize that not all gain a physical dependance on it to wotjdrawl from. I am perscribed 3 mg a day (am, mid day, pm) but lowered it due to seriquoel XR joining in. But i have stopped it before for 4 months due to my exhaustion physical symptom making an apperance, it was new, didnt know how to deal with it and i had no withdrawl. I also do not take it on my days off or just when i cannot handle the anxiety. If i dont need it mid day i dont take it. If i can sleep without it i do. I only take it when and if i need it and due to that i have not gained a physical dependance. So for someone to assume you've caused withdrawl on purpuse is ridiculous!

 

[Akivav]

I never meant to imply that he or she caused withdrawal symptoms on purpose. Just that if they knew they would go through withdrawal, I would consider it a form of self-harm. Which I don't think is unreasonable. Because there are documented methods to wean off these meds with minimal withdrawal symptoms. And who needs withdrawal symptoms? That just adds to our problems.

 

[Ika]

IMHO? Yes, it probably can be see as a way to self harm. Especially given the level of frustration and agitation you were feeling prior to making the choices to stop your meds.

 

[Ogi]

Just that if they knew they would go through withdrawal, I would consider it a form of self-harm. Which I don't think is unreasonable. Because there are documented methods to wean off these meds with minimal withdrawal symptoms. And who needs withdrawal symptoms? That just adds to our problems.

Yes if they knew they would go through withdrawl but not all do, i dont and if it wasnt stopped for the purpose of causing withdrawl i dont see it as self harm. If it was for that purpose then yes, i see that as self harm.

I am careful what i call self harm or everything would start being classified as such. Stopping meds simplying because they are fed up with them isnt purposely hurting oneself therefore not self harm. The classification of it depends on the reason they stopped them.

 

[Virif]

Maybe. And he would know better than we would. What do YOU think?

 

[Kimubo]

OP here, I really didn't know whether I would have withdrawal symptoms or not. I knew they were a possibility but I have gone off several meds in the past that usually require tapering using the cold turkey method before and have never had withdrawal issues before so I figured this one would be the same. I take another med for chronic migraines that is an anti-seizure med so the likelihood of a seizure of any sort was small. I don't know if I will go back on the meds at a lower dose or not a part of me wants to just tough things out for a while longer and see if things calm down at work and in the rest of my life over the next few weeks but another part of me wonders how realistic that is considering I have been waiting for that to happen for nearly 18 months now.

 

[Kowuwoj]

and being frustrated that my T was away for 10 days and things at work had really hit the fan I decided to quit

For those reasons you decided to quit taking medication that, in theory, should have helped you deal with all that stuff? What was your point, if it wasn't self harm?

 

[Kimubo]

For those reasons you decided to quit taking medication that, in theory, should have helped you deal with all that stuff?

My point wasn't self harm, it was control, it was making sure that the cardiac function test was accurate since I don't want to have to repeat it and I know that benzos can affect cardiac activity. At least it wasn't a conscious act of self harm but my T and I have been discussing some of the things that I do that could be considered unconscious acts of self harm like my eating or should I say lack of eating habits.

 

[Ahana]

I really didn't know whether I would have withdrawal symptoms or not. I knew they were a possibility but I have gone off several meds in the past that usually require tapering using the cold turkey method before and have never had withdrawal issues before so I figured this one would be the same.

This by defintion makes it not self harm.

"Nonsuicidal self-injury, often simply called self-injury, is the act of deliberately harming the surface of your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself. It's typically not meant as a suicide attempt. Rather, this type of self-injury is an unhealthy way to cope with emotional pain, intense anger and frustration."