My Cat Is Slowly Dying And It Is Destroying Me

[Knak]

I have different issues that overwhelm me, and now it is my cat. I thought he was about to die about a week ago because he lost over a pound in one week and appeared dazed. The vet gave him a shot and several more medications for nausea and an appetite stimulant.

I finally realized he has inflammatory bowel disease that gets worse and better but never goes away. He had diarrhea for four years until a few months ago. Since he was five years old he’s had IVs twice a week for 5 year plus meds in the morning and evening for polycystic kidneys.

I asked the veterinarian to tell me when he needs to be put down and she said not yet. He looks good and acts fine most of the time but wants complete attention and to be held or fed if I'm home. It is a constant struggle to find something he will eat because it’s never the same twice and he eats so little I search for something several times a day now.

When I ignored him weeks ago he began fading away rapidly. I relate to neglect and feel guilty doing it to him because neglect and abuse destroyed my life.

If I chose to have him put down for my sake it seems like I am ruthlessly murdering some innocent being. I feel like he is starving to death at an exceedingly slow rate and I am responsible to find what he will eat.

My husband said Satan is exploiting my emotional attachment. All I see is an exceptionally smart and beautiful cat who gave me joy for years, and at this point nobody would provide for him daily except me. He’s not in pain but starving and can’t eat because of nausea.

We have spent a fortune. I feel like these are half measures continually being repeated, although this is the best vet I've found out of four or five and everyone at the clinic loves him too.

I'm afraid if I ask for more aggressive care like she provided in the past, she would only try to pacify me as has happened so often with him and other pets.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[Heather]

I'm sorry... I've lost 3 pets over past 10 years and it was heartbreaking.

Hugs

 

[SeanCharles]

Awww :( :hug:s losing a pet is just equally as difficult as losing a loved one.

 

[claroscuro]

My oldest cat (and one of my biggest comforts) passed away a few weeks ago, similar condition. I felt so powerless throughout. I am so sorry you're going through this, it's absolutely heartbreaking to witness.

I hope you manage to find something to help your cat, for his sake as well as yours. Best you can do is try and make him as comfortable as possible until the time comes. :hug:

 

[ladee]

I had to have my 24 yr old Tortie put down at the beginning of the year. I am still heartbroken and still listen for her. I am so sorry. Such a hard hard choice to make. She started having seizures and it was just time... When I took her in, she gave them no problems at all.. So I knew in my heart she was tired and ready... Doesn't mean I didn't battle with guilt , but in the end, I knew it was the time... I feel so bad for you. Love her to pieces as long as you have left with her... sending gentle hugs for both of you..

 

[Knak]

I should have added that I want to know if anyone can spot mistakes in my thinking, because I feel like I'm mistakenly repeating the endurance of misery due to improper understanding of life.

It is affecting my health. It is a pattern in my life. I also feel like I'd rather have it over with than go through this because I don't anticipate gaining insight from the experience other than it is torment. I can't choose to kill him but I wish it was over.

I went through this with my last two cats when a vet told me they needed to be put down but my husband wouldn't let me. He agreed not to do this again, but I have so much more stress in my life in so many areas and I am getting older but things are getting worse. My life is always stressful. I have not overcome the pit I dug when I married my husband or had a chance to live without someone manipulating me into feeling I owe them my life.

It is a question of what is the purpose of my life if I spend most of it hurting so bad because of wrong choices made due to abuse and neglect? Does God want me to agonize over my cat's welfare vs. watching him die without donating my life to prolong it?

Is there something that I didn't learn about life?

 

[Deleted member 28740]

My four legged furry loved and loving pals have a way to communicate when it is time to part ways. Both with keen closeness and their seeking their own time in solitude. Love is precious responsibility, knowing when to let go. For me, it was letting go to end suffering. I bury them in my heart. They are still there.

 

[joeylittle]

Oh, @Knak - my heart goes out to you.

When I adopted my Buddy in 2013, I knew he was FIV positive and about four years old. He got a cold in March of 2015, and he stopped producing white cells. After that it was one thing after another, plus getting him to eat was almost impossible. I was so afraid I was keeping him alive just for me. But I thought he was still in there - there were a few things he still liked to do, and sometimes the first week on a new med to treat the latest problem would almost seem to bring him back.

But after many hospital stays, and so much trying, he hit the end of the road mentally. I had known he was dying since March. It was now the beginning of August. And I swear, I don't know how, but I was talking to him about it, and he told me. Or I just knew. And I took him in and told the hospital it was time for him to go.

I think you just need to listen to your gut. If your cat still gets comfort and enjoyment from being with you, then I would keep going, myself. Feeding gets tough, for sure. But if your cat is willing to try, then there's a reason to keep trying. You'll know when it's over.

I'm glad I waited because the one thing I didn't think I could live with was putting Buddy down before he was truly done with life. As long as he was still in there, it made sense to me to keep going with him.

It's an intensely personal decision, and I think you need to trust your relationship with your cat and it might sound kind of nuts, but talk with him about it. It might help.

I think the only flaw in your thinking is that you are magnifying the stress of food-finding. Ultimately, he's not going to be able to be tricked into anything tasty - and that's actually part of the process. There are a few tried-and-true options (PM if you want more info) and ways to keep it less stressful for you. Just remember that you can be a really loving owner, but no one - not him, certainly - is expecting you to be a miracle worker. There will be a point where there's nothing left to do, and you don't need to put the burden on yourself of being able to go past that point. I don't know if I'm communicating that very well...but you asked for folks to check your thinking, and that's a thing I observed in what you wrote. I was very stressed about getting Buddy to eat until I accepted that all I could do was my best, and part of the process was about getting to the point where I'd run out of options for him. It turned out that I actually hadn't, when he was ready to go. He was just ready to be done.

I'm very, very sorry for what you are going through. I don't think it ever gets easier. Thinking of you.

 

[scout86]

My husband said Satan is exploiting my emotional attachment

I don't know if you're buying into that or not. If you are, I think there's a "problem" with your thinking. I think all that is is your husband either messing with you to be mean or being kind of out of touch with reality himself. JMO though.

There's nothing wrong with being attached to your cat. You husband might envy the relationship but I suspect your cat has been more devoted and supportive than your husband has.

I had to make the decision to euthanize my much loved old Bulldog back in Jan. She WAS old, for a Bulldog, and had had a few, manageable health issues for awhile. In Jan, she started to lose her appetite and have digestive issues. We went back to the vet and decided to try X-rays, hoping it would show something. I showed oesteosarcoma that had metastasized. They told me I could take her home for a week or so and bring her back, if I wanted. I decided not to, we euthanized her that day. Here's why. She had made it "her job" to try to make me laugh. She was very sensitive to my moods and was forever doing things to cheer up. I knew she was going to know how I felt about her impending death, but she wouldn't know why I felt that way. She was going to do what she could to lift my mood and it wasn't going to work. In fact, it would make me feel sadder, because I'd already be grieving her death. The fact that she was "failing" at her "job" was going to upset her, which was going to upset me. If I'd thought we could have gone home and had another good week, I would have done it. But, between the emotional part and all the digestive problems she was having (she had diarrhea and vomiting and was worrying about making it outside in time, or not being able too). As it was, I was sure it was going to be a rough week for all concerned, so I pulled the plug. I don't think we are obligated, as pet owners, to fight to the last possible moment. And, as mere mortals, I'm not sure we always can tell what the last possible moment is either.

@Knak , you love your cat and your cat knows that. Make the best decision you can, for both of you. Don't confuse yourself and the cat. I'm not sure I can explain this and I'm not sure why I'm thinking it, but I sort of got the feeling that you see parallels between his situation and your own and there might be some kind of symbolic (transference?) connection there that makes it hard to just see this as a sick cat thing. Does that make any sense? I think animals have most of the emotions people do. I think, though, that they have a different concept of "the future". I think they pretty much live in the now, and, as a result, don't worry about things like dying slowly. If today is good, it's good.

Sorry you're facing this tough choice! It sounds like you're facing it doing your very best to look out for your cat and that's the best any of us can do. :hug:

 

[Lucycat]

I have found it really hard to engage with this thread. I lost our darling Lucycat a few weeks ago and I still miss her. I knew her time had come - she was 20 years old, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I feel for you. But as the others have said - you will know when it Is the right time.

I know for us - a few weeks later - I am happy that she is at peace.

 

[Heather]

From what you've written: he is starving and can't eat. it sounds like your beloved kitty is suffering... the kindness thing to do is let him go. I went through his 5 years ago with my cat blue. he had intestinal cancer and the vet. Said he was literally starving to death. i'd had him since he was 8 weeks old, it was awful and I sobbed through the entire procedure.... but he is no longer suffering and he's in a place where there's no pain.

I miss him still and think about him often