Sex: How Willing Should A Therapist Be To Talk About It?

[Abov]

Nervous, peculiar - was it turning her on? :confused:

And there lies the problem in talking about sex... It puts sex on the table.
My own sexual abuse in childhood started with talk about sex, and that is very common sadly.
Which is why many people, of which I am also one, feel uncomfortable around people talking about sex. I always wonder why they need to talk about it and if there's some other motivation.
Maybe this therapist is similarly unnerved - and no, because she's a therapist that doesn't mean she has to go there. Only if she calls herself a sex therapist.

 

[Renoj]

Well, I think you should be able to talk about that with them without them getting nervous.

 

[Emov]

You both are entitled to your own feelings and she said she was ok with what you were talking about so I guess I would take her at her word.

Because you weren't there. If you were in the room, you would have known that she was shutting it down. I guess what I'm talking about is a lack of participation. Imagine that you're trying to dance with someone who is just standing there stock still. She wasn't just uncomfortable, she simply was not willing to have the conversation. I would say something, and instead of adding to it or asking a question, which would have been the natural, apposite thing to do, she would say, "Oh, yes, aaaaand what was [some non sexual element she eeked out of my last comment] like?"

For instance I was talking about some bad sexual experiences and happened to mention in passing that alcohol was consumed. I say I'd like to talk about those experiences. She gets schitzy and jumps on the alcohol, which was, honest to goodness just a detail, and says, "That's what we'll talk about. We'll talk about the drinking." It was like she was so relieved to have found a way to sidestep the sex.

I came in one day and I was excited to say that I was able to relax and stop feeling disgusting for a few minutes as I used the vibrator. I said it improved my mood for a day or two. I was all set to talk about the fantasy I had, and the thoughts that went through my head, when she began squirming in her seat and said, "Errr, alright. Do that each day, I prescribe. Ahem [changes subject]." WTF?

Avoidance is a huge thing for trauma survivors -- we don't actually want to talk about the trauma, but we know we need to. That's why we need therapists who will ask questions and push the conversation forward. It was the way she wouldn't ask questions or engage in the conversation that drove me crazy.

Well, I think you should be able to talk about that with them without them getting nervous.

Right? A therapist's whole job is to talk about all kinds of topics that are potentially "uncomfortable" without actually getting uncomfortable. Why should sex be any different? Ef that.

 

[Ecoto]

Then you need a new therapist.

 

[Emov]

Then you need a new therapist.

Preaching to the choir.

 

[Ececo]

Preaching to the choir.

What's the real hold-up? I think you said insurance, but...truly?

 

[Emov]

What's the real hold-up? I think you said insurance, but...truly?

Truly insurance. I don't think you realize I basically exhausted all available avenues before I settled for her. What I'm offered basically consists of a few "centers" with homeless people asleep in the waiting room. You go in the therapist's cramped office, sit under fluorescent lights in a folding chair three feet away from them as they sit at a desk with a computer in front of them and "council" you. Starting to get the picture?

 

[Ocirih]

I don't think that every therapist you meet is gonna be overly enthusiastic to hear about your joyrides with BOB!

 

[Emov]

I don't think that every therapist you meet is gonna be overly enthusiastic to hear about your joyrides with BOB!

I don't know what part of the country (or world) you're from, but in my neck of the woods, that's the kind of thing two girls who are kind of friends can talk about without batting an eyelash. So for someone who bills themselves as a professional confidante to shut it down is like wow, I don't think so.

 

[Apil]

a few "centers" with homeless people asleep in the waiting room. You go in the therapist's cramped office, sit under fluorescent lights in a folding chair three feet away from them as they sit at a desk with a computer in front of them and "council" you. Starting to get the picture?

. Sure. You're deciding that there aren't any other options.

I've gotten counseling at a few places like that. Don't judge a book by its cover.

If you are serious about getting help you want - and you are insured to some extent - then you could also consider residential programs, online therapy, going the free-group route for awhile, day programs, clinical trials (involving therapy protocols), or maybe re-financing your own treatment to see someone better less frequently.

And - if your therapist is legitimately unable to treat you, because of her inability to discuss sex, she can and should work with you and the insurance company to get you extended coverage.

Random thought - would your insurance cover a psychiatrist who also does therapy? That's sometimes an effective work-around...

 

[Emov]

would your insurance cover a psychiatrist who also does therapy?

They have a very limited list of centers that take the coverage. The sole proprietors that take it, I can literally count on one hand -- one is a useless zombie I did a consultation with and the other is not taking new clients. That's all I can remember off the top of my head.

 

[Emov]

residential programs, online therapy, going the free-group route for awhile, day programs, clinical trials (involving therapy protocols), or maybe re-financing your own treatment to see someone better less frequently.

Hmm. I thought about residential -- do they charge usually? The inexperience might be a good thing as they haven't yet learned the art of running down the clock without having to talk about what you need to talk about.

Cheers!