Disability Feels Impossible

[angel2write]

I can't imagine going through the steps. Applying. Being denied. Appealing. Finding a lawyer. Talking to a lawyer. (PAYING the lawyer...a whole 'nother issue) Being evaluated. Trying to prove I need help.

I can barely ask for normal stuff.

My therapist says that he really thinks I should do it. My last therapist said she thought I should do it. My husband thinks I should do it... but then, he also says he thinks I can work. So that's confusing.

I applied for a job and got it around Christmas. Kept it about three months before the stress wrung me out. I ended up having to quit, give up homeschooling, put my boys in school, went into a complete mental collapse. I was stuck in a nightmare panic attack that lasted day and night for three days. It was insane. It took three weeks of constant Klonopin to get me back to a semi-even keel. I had to get back in therapy. I'm on Lexapro again... I had been SSRI free.

Was the job worth it???

I had a place call me yesterday to see if I was still available to hire. It's not a rough job. It's clerking at a thrift store. The hours fit my kids' schedule ok. My husband thinks I can do it. I'm supposed to start Tuesday.

One of my other support people says it's win-win. If I succeed, then I'm employable. If I get fired, it will help my disability application. I'm ok with that argument.

What I don't want is to destabilize again. I was already stressed over the idea of applying for disability. The job has made me shaky enough that I've been crying and panicking on and off all day. I'm back on the Klonopin again.

I hate this. I hate it. I hate it. I'm intelligent. Educated. Hard working. I want to work. But I also don't want my brain to dissolve into toxic goo again.

I don't know what to do.

 

[Justmehere]

As far as all the challenges and hurdles about apply for and getting disability, yeah, there are a few.

As far as paying for an attorney, by law, you can't pay them even if you could afford one. By law, they are only paid if they win the case, and they are only paid directly by social security taking a percent of any back payment owed to the person, not any current or future payments. They legally can not charge you for their services to assist you in applying for disability.

Just one example of possible solutions for what might seem like barriers.

I was in a similar place when I was encouraged to apply for disability. It was done so I could spend some time to get stronger and eventually go back to work full time and stay working. It's still a process for me, and it wasn't easy, but in my case it was worth it. Everything was spiraling out of control and I couldn't keep my head up above water.

I too am well educated and hard working. I simply needed some extra support for a season so I could finally get better instead of drowning over and over.

Also, being on disability doesn't mean doing nothing. I do a lot! I think it's good and important to volunteer and so as much as I can until I return to full time work.

I hope you find the path that is best for you. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

How do you know step 2 is going to happen?

Are you assuming it's a definite?

Is that perhaps negative thinking? Catastrophising?

Just a few thoughts.

 

[Heather]

My therapist suggested I apply for disability. I too, just the thought, was completely overwhelming. I found an attorney and they literally did all the work, filled out all the paperwork, filed everything for me and YES..... first time I was denied.

But lawyers handled the appeal.... again they did everything and I was approved. They took their cut and I got lump sum of 2 grand and then monthly check.

My suggestion get an attorney...... makes process SO MUCH EASIER.

Hugs

 

[Heather]

Also lawyers will have you sign releases for your doctors..... they will have them fill out why they think you're disabled.... it's really not as overwhelming as it may seem.

I hope this helps.

 

[hodge]

Angel, I am also highly educated, worked hard all my life, but it came to a point where I just couldn't do it anymore. I was making myself even more ill by continuing to try. We have paid into SS all our working lives. This is what it's for. As JMH said, a disability attorney can only take a percentage of your back pay once you are approved. I had a grueling time applying, but ultimately I felt I had no choice. You can do it. And it doesn't mean you'll never be able to do anything again anymore. You just need a break.

 

[angel2write]

My therapist suggested I apply for disability. I too, just the thought, was completely overwhelming. I...

Can you get a lawyer from the beginning? Or do you have to apply for it on your own the first time?

I've been told the process is apply, be refused, appeal, be refused, then get a lawyer. I'm having trouble making myself even locate the paperwork, though I did call back and get names, addresses and dates for the last three therapists and the psychiatrist who started my meds the first time. So I have that info on note cards now. Which is good... I didn't remember most of it. Took a lot of calling around.

Meanwhile... I bought some work clothes from GoodWill yesterday. I'm trying to think positive about the job. "I can make people happy" is my current mantra. We'll see.

 

[Heather]

@angel2write Absolutely you can get a lawyer from the beginning that's what I did and it took all the pressure off....I had no idea where to start I just googled disability lawyers and found one. they weren't even in my state... Utah and I'm in Ct.

They handled everything. it did take awhile and be prepared to be denied but lawyer will file appeal on your behalf.

I say go for it. the lawyers I had were very helpful and walked me through everything.

I too felt very overwhelmed and couldn't even fathom applying by myself.... that's why I contacted attorney from the start.

Good luck.

Hugs

 

[angel2write]

@angel2write Absolutely you can get a lawyer from the beginning that's what I did and...

Thank you, Heather. I appreciate the information. Guess I'll start looking for lawyers. Just in case.

 

[Heather]

@angel2write go for it....I now it's overwhelming but let them do the work.... that's what they're there for you know?

 

[SpiritFree]

My suggestion is to get a lawyer first before you are planning to apply. I applied on my own but later denied. My friend told me I should have gone to a lawyer instead of me doing it on my own. You may have a better chance of getting it approved than swinging it on your own.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I hate this. I hate it. I hate it. I'm intelligent. Educated. Hard working. I want to work. But I also don't want my brain to dissolve into toxic goo again.

I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry if this is too late to help you.

I've had very similar problems - with the extremely lucky benefit of a father who went to law school "for fun." Um. No. He wasn't gonna take the bar because he wasn't planning to practice, but then he thought, "Oh I might as well". (He is also insane, and maybe the smartest person I know. I just have to throw that in b/c there's no way I'd be on disability if not for him.)
Your job is more than win-win. It's win-win-win - It's not a dichotomy: do well or get fired... You can do ok, yet find it too stressful and quit. Social security will view that as a "failed work attempt" and the more of that you have, the better.
Mental health disability is almost never approved on the first go-through. I'd recommend that anyone planning to undertake the process of being declared disabled due to mental health should plan for initial rejection and re-submission. I don't know about having a lawyer on the first time you apply. But I would suggest one if you need to file an appeal.