Disability Feels Impossible

[angel2write]

I'm sorry if this is too late to help you.

I've had very similar problems - with the extremely lucky...

This was a very timely and helpful note... since I just had to quit another job. Same scenario: I can do the WORK, but one of the managers kept giving me conflicting orders, yelling at me, and touching me. One time she got behind me (when she was in a good mood) and rested her wrists on my shoulders. She had greasy pizza ingredient goo all over her hands and she wriggled them near my face and said playfully, "I think I'll just smear this all over your face, what do you think about that?"

I almost came apart.

I was able to laugh it off, but the stress of being afraid of her was driving me to taking way too many meds and I was starting to drink on top of them. Not good.

I feel like such a failure.

My therapist ordered me to let my S.O. go in and talk to my manager (after I quit) about some of the issues I'd had working there. They talked for an hour. I was in a sustained state of panic the entire time waiting at home. Apparently the manager was nice and said he wanted me back and we could work it out. He told my S.O. to let me know he wanted me back, that I did a good job, and that he'd take care of the screaming and personal space violations by this other person. I called the next day and told him I'd like to try again if he wanted me. He said he'd call me today but he hasn't.

I don't know... it took so much of my psychic energy to make the decision to quit. I was SO AFRAID to give notice... and then to come back and work after giving notice because I was legtimately afraid of retaliation. And now to think about going back and trying to work out all the social positioning of working under a manager who got in trouble because I reported stuff they were doing.... man, I'm not sure I can handle it.

All I want to do is run away. Panicking hard tonight. Manager didn't call me anyway, so now I have to make the decision whether to call him or not. Why is all this social stuff so HARD???

I just want to go to work, do my job, do it right, do it hard, and come home. I'm so sick of all this crap about working with people who like me/don't like me/don't give a f*ck/yell at me/try to make friends with me... it's too much! All the social stuff is too much.

I can interact with the customers because all they want from me is their pizza. Or their change. Or for me to fix their problem. I fix the problem, they go away. The coworkers, on the other hand, are always there, and I just...can't...deal...with...them.

 

[Bloomy]

@angel2write
Just want to offer support.

Its the same with me. I can fix the customers so easy. I do a great job. Comes to boss and collegues I just find them so abusive, manipulative and lying I cant seem to deal with them either.

Such a shame when I actually do a exellent job for those Im supposed to work for.

Hope the best for you - take care.