Now I Get It. I Will Never Get It!!

[Deleted member 34535]

In my opinion, those of us who have suffered at the hands of others blame ourselves for the deeds of evil people. If not blame ourselves, then we at the very least try to rationalize and understand what evil-doers do. I think we do so because everything needs to make sense. And if we can make sense of things, no matter what they are, then we can decipher these things and file them away in our brain's vault never to bother us again.

It is no wonder why PTSD as well as other mental health sufferers suffer for as long a duration as they do. If we could just rationalize and make sense of what happened to us, then we will be ok and go on about the business of not just surviving, but thriving. We blame ourselves first just because that is what we do. I had to do something that made this evil-doer do what they did to me. We have no self-esteem due to the actions of evil-doers.

So I have recently come to the healing realization that I will never get it. I am a good-hearted giving person. The only way that I could possibly fully understand why evil-doers do what they do is if I was one of them. And that I will never be. I have banged my brains out this past couple years trying to come to some sort of understanding why these freaks of nature do what they do. And every time, I come to a complete dead end. So now, I can officially say, I get it, I will never get it!

 

[pixel]

I hope this doesn't make you give up.

 

[Friday]

That's not where my self blame comes from & totally different self esteem stuff, but figuring out where yours comes from? Sounds like a good thing. Very much agreed, why is often both toxic & unanswerable.

 

[Deleted member 34535]

Pixel, I am fine. Realizing this is a very good thing for me. It means that I can channel the wasted energy that I used trying to understand evil to what really matters. And that is me getting better and moving from surviving to thriving.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Please, please, please I beg of you to replace "we" with "i" as "we" means every single trauma sufferer and every single person with PTSD and this just isnt true.

Take this:

And if we can make sense of things, no matter what they are, then we can decipher these things and file them away in our brain's vault never to bother us again.

My past will always bother me no matter if I understood it or not, not because of the "evil-doers" action but because of my own.

We have no self-esteem due to the actions of evil-doers.

Again, most of my self esteem is where it is and what i think of myself is due to my own actions during my trauma.

Please speak for you and not us all.

I am glad that you are coming to more awareness! That is great!

 

[pixel]

( the use of "we" doesn't always include the listener.
It must always include the speaker and others, but who the 'others' is, isn't necessarily the listener. )

 

[StellaBlue]

I think we do so because everything needs to make sense.

I think it is the nature of humans to try to make sense of the world. And, if one were able to see the world as it truly is, it does "make sense" - it may not be "fair" or "right" or "good", but it makes sense.

I think the concept of karma applies here. Not the pop culture version of "Karma is going to get you", but rather the Buddhist concept of cause and effect. A very simple example is if my boss receives some bad personal news but yells at me for something else...I suck it up but come home and yell at my spouse who then gets angry, storms out and wrecks the car. Can we trace the wrecking of the car to the boss yelling at me? Or perhaps the boss receiving bad news? How far back do we go? And even that is not "linear" - there are so many different threads attached and pulling and moving. It's not about placing blame, but rather understanding that these things that happen do not happen independently, it's all interconnected. And this is a very simple example.

Another metaphor for this is Indra's net - the idea that EVERYTHING is interconnected.

Again, at least for me, this view is helpful - not so that I can place blame or even forgive if I chose not to - in that I can sometimes understand that there is a larger context over which I have little or no control or even understanding. It allows me to feel more compassionate towards myself and others (without excusing the behavior of others). And it really drives home (for me) the importance of my own actions and reactions.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@StellaBlue, I think you gave an amazing example of acceptence (how how to better accept the past and those things we cannot control)....or at least how im view it.

That is an awesome way to think of things though! Like if my boss yells at me, I can control if I come home and yell at my spouse and because I didnt, they didnt crash their car (though I wouldnt know that, but I know i didnt yell at my spouse for no reason or for nothing they did).