Complicated Relationship With Abuser, My Mom.

[Lee2001]

So I'm in my thirties now, but do still see my parents about once every month. I would explain my mom as a narcistic personality. She can be so nice to me, charming and act like a great loving person. She can also turn on a dime and be just plain evil. I have two children and a loving hubby. Just recently realized I have had PTSD from early child hood from abuse expanding into adulthood. So this makes me more upset with parents at this point. Also I have remembered some fairly bad things about my parents since being in therapy. What do I do with all of this? I have to see them in a couple of weeks and feel confused. When they are being nice to me I feel guilty for being upset with them. And of course if my mom is acting badly I feel worse. So I hope to talk in therapy today about how to deal with this. I almost feel bad about myself which I logically know is wrong. How do you all deal with abusers in your life? Especially if they are being nice to you??

 

[LostInCPTSD]

So I'm in my thirties now, but do still see my parents about once every month. I would explain my mom a...

My mother and later the woman I married and had kids with was a sociopath - my sister I think learned or was predisposed for narcissism, my Dad is likely narcassist as well (all this comes from my T, trauma specialist not just me throwing labels around to make myself seem like a victim of everyone around me lol) it's really hard to balance - that's what they do - based on the situation and where YOU are, effects their behavior flip flop - it's how they so 'evilly' and artfully keep you spinning, exhausted, confused and second guessing your own instincts that cone from the soul they want to control for their own amusement/power/needs.., this is why u just can't be around them if u have PTSD, part of the self care is cutting the toxic people out of your life - yeah I know ya not easy or even possible to do that completely when they are family and/or you have kids/share custody (for example) - it's strait up survival for me in this regard - I only speak to my family or my X-wife when absolutely necessary, and when u do, give them as little info about me and what I'm doing or how I'm feeling so they have less to play with or use as leverage.. terrible way to live and it took me 7 years to finally do that with my X, cause she made me feel if we didn't communicate often it would only hurt the kids (meanwhile she hurts them every day - proving she's using what she learned about me (my love for the kids and willingness to sacrafice everything for them on a dime) to pull heart strings and keep me communicating with her so she can maintain control over me).. I really liked that you shared this with us.. it's hard.. at least for me, to share and trust others with my thoughts cause I'm used to them being turned into a dagger which at just the worst time family or X thrusts into my back or my kids if I'm not reachable.. stay strong & hugs to you

 

[Kailani]

I also have heard that in order to heal, the toxic people have to be put aside. Not easy with a narcissist. Boundaries and back up plans help. The best revenge is healing!

 

[Lee2001]

My mother and later the woman I married and had kids with was a sociopath - my sister I think learn...

Wow I couldn't even imagine having an ex and kids involved. I don't know how you do it! So sorry.. It's just exhausting! What you said is what I pretty much was starting to wonder.. If need to cut ties. I will probably consider this for my health and my kids protection. Thank you for sharing.