Too Attached? To Therapist

[Hope1969]

My T told me that some of her clients needs a hug and she hugs them if they want. But with me she is careful because we are dealing with child sexual abuse. I told her that I don't want a hug and asked her not to touch me even accidentally.

I had hugging therapists before. They used to hug and speak a lot about themselves. I knew everything about their husbands, children, were they live and even did things for them. It made me feel important but it didn't work on the therapeutic process.

Now with the current T we don't hug and she doesn't tell nothing about herself. And I don't ask and don't want to know. This therapy is finally about myself not the therapist.
And I am very attached to her and think about her a lot. But I am concentrate on me not her.

I guess it is very personal issue. There is no wrong or right just what works for you :)

 

[Panda Bear]

I too have a history of CSA, and it was my first worry in asking and being on the receiving end of a hug from T.

At first, I just assumed that because of the CSA that I wasn't worthy of touch, in fact I was terrified of T being near me. Figured that he would never touch me because of what had happened to me. Turned out to be quit the opposite and I was so glad when I gathered the courage to approach the subject with him. It was great for both of us! Brought us closer and allowed him to be vulnerable and me as well.

But before we had reached that point, he was the one who started the process of me being comfortable with touch and the idea of a hug. A year in the making, actually. Guess It wasn't a good idea for me to be terrified of people touching me :wtf:. He wanted to hug me!!

He wanted me to know and feel that people can be be safe and it's okay to let people love on me. I am worthy of touch, love and human connection. It just had to start somewhere, and he was the guy to do it.

 

[Missycat]

Its not something ive thought about with my T and weve never talked about it altho i do have a lot of respect for her and think about her occassionally does that mean im attached.
I suppose its natural that a bond is built when we open up with this person and tell them more than we would anyone else.
My trauma is CSA and once when we were doing EMDR she asked if it was okay to touch the back of my hand , so i cant imagine she would ever have thought about a hug. To be honest ive never needed or wanted a hug from her so its not something ive thought about really.
We also have never talked about her, as @Hope1969 has said, the therapy is to concentrate on me getting well and not on her.
My T is a clinical lead physcologist , i wonder if this is why her approach is different idk ?
I think that you should ask your therapist and then you know where you stand. I imagine your T will have had a lot worse said to them so i cant imagine they would take it the wrong way and it effect your relationship.
Good luck and i wish you all the best.

 

[loui50]

So i am really glad i put this out there because i was really thinking i was wrong for wanting something so simple as a hug. I see now that it is not just me. Obviously not everyone wants to be touched. But i need it. My old therapist would do things like put a hand on my shoulder when i was really upset. Just normal stuff that you would do if you were talking to an upset friend. My current therapist has never touched me. Not a handshake. But i think i sort of put off a dont touch me vibe. I am scared to care about people or have them care about me. I don't mean to be that way though. I guess i just need to talk to her about it but my stomach is going to jump into my throat and my heart is going to beat triple time. Yeah, isn't anxiety fun!!

 

[Hope1969]

At first, I just assumed that because of the CSA that I wasn't worthy of touch, in fact I was terrified of T being near me.

I know exactly what you mean. We started to work on the CSA few months ago. And somtimes I ask her not to walk me out because I can't stand her being near me. (She is so pure and I am so dirty and damaged). So a hug is too much now. And I also don't want to be confused as I was with the other T I had.

 

[Snowflake]

I know exactly what you mean. We started to work on the CSA few months ago. And somtimes I ask her not...

For me it convinces me that I AM definitely damaged, dirty, disgusting that she doesn't want to hug me. Interesting how we all are-over a hug.

 

[Hope1969]

For me it convinces me that I AM definitely damaged, dirty, disgusting that she doesn't want to hug m...

I know that she will hug me I I ask for it. The thing is that:
A. I am afraid that she will feel how disgusting I am
B. I will make her dirty
C. If she will hug me. What will be the cost? What will I have to do to "pay" for this act of love or compassion.

When I read what I wrote I feel sad. It's not usuall behavior of normal people. They just open their arms for a hug...

 

[rosey]

I know that she will hug me I I ask for it. The thing is that:
A. I am afraid that she will feel how d...

normal is just a wash cycle. 'normal' people have hang ups too they just dont question every little thing they do.... how boring

 

[loui50]

Well, if anyone is interested I got my hug, LOL. We had a really intense session on Tuesday. I was really upset and asked. And I didn't even have a complete anxiety attach over it.

 

[Snowflake]

Well, if anyone is interested I got my hug, LOL. We had a really intense session on Tuesday. I was rea...

Yeah!!!!! Super happy for you

 

[rosey]

@loui50. Yay well done. Love a hug

 

[Panda Bear]

Fantastic!!!!!!!