Therapist Sent Me Into An Attack

[Gs172003]

On accident. And I'm not entirely sure why. She sent me the picture of the cover of a book that showed a couple in bed that was called "passionate marriage". The picture set me off. This isn't the first time something like that has happened. My sister sent me a pink video with a scene that starts like that... Same thing. Neither one did I look at more than a few seconds. What the heck?

 

[Justmehere]

By attack you mean your PTSD symptoms were triggered by the imagery of a couple in bed?

Maybe it is connected to the current difficulty you are having with your husband who is in recovery for porn addiction who you have expressed doesn't know how to be intimate with you now.

 

[Gs172003]

It had nothing to do with my husband. I think it was past stuff but the stuff in my head was very vague but the panic wasn't. I cried once I calmed down enough that I could. I don't know. I have no confusion when it comes to my husband however.

 

[Gs172003]

I don't know how to describe what was going on at the time of what happened. Not in my head or how I felt. Just that it happened and it was instant. It was over the picture only.

 

[Justmehere]

It could be an intrusive body/brain memory or partial/full flashback.

 

[Gs172003]

I wish I could understand this crap. God I do.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Okay, personal experience here. I can't even watch people kiss on television, must less get more intimate. My body twists into a pretzel, I have a feeling of doom and I my feel like my personal parts turn inside out. I have a long history of abuse, including what I endured with my guy. It would seem to me that this is a trigger and sign to you that you have some work to do on abuse. I could very well be wrong, but even you indicated you think there's a link. You might want to check it out and talk through your reaction with your T. Just sharing how I react, thinking you might also be having a similar reaction. Ugh - it's like the worst feeling and then I judge myself for it. Ridiculous. I have work to do. I hope you find some answers and healing in this regard. VB

 

[Gs172003]

Okay, personal experience here. I can't even watch people kiss on television, must less get mo...

I do have past abuse. I haven't reacted to kissing but this sucks. But... kissing was never part of that kind of thing for me. Ever. Thanks for your input.

 

[Silver.]

I think that maybe you shouldn't dismiss the idea that it could be related to what you are going through with your husband.
You have a lot on your plate right now, and though you didn't equate it to him, perhaps the stress you are going through with him is playing a role in your feelings (considering you haven't had a reaction to kissing)
I agree that either way, you are going through so much right now, it is definitely something to talk with your therapist about as she knows you much better than any of us do x

 

[VioletButterfly]

@missy meier - I didn't start having those reactions until I started working through abuse issues in therapy and that was after I left him. I think it was the half memories that I have of child abuse and what the corrupted T I was working with did with that information that may have caused my reactions. Also, I think the porn stuff didn't help. At any rate, I hope that you can discover what's causing your responses and can then work through them before they become what I've got on board. Please be kind to yourself; you have a lot on board right now. VB

 

[Gs172003]

@missy meier - I didn't start having those reactions until I started workin...

THAT. that makes sense.

I don't react to kissing because ,Well, Kissing was never really part of that for me. Kissing is separate and I don't do that much anyway so it's no big deal to me.

 

[Gs172003]

I don't know how to describe what was going on at the time of what happened. Not in my head or how...

I feel like I need to clarify. The book itself wasn't the issue. It was what the couple was doing that was. The way they were in the bed. This is freaking hard to type.