Therapist Terminated With Me

[expectingbetter]

My words can't explain how much I am sorry this has happened to you.
I can really imagine how must you are feeling right now.
You didn't do anything to deserve this, this reason has nothing to do with you, it must be something very serious forced him to make such terrible decision.
I don't know what to say to help.
You are going to see him on 6th, then you could get the answers you need?
It is really bad that you can't contact him at.
I hope the crying will help you release the part of the pain.
I sympathize with you and sending you most sincere positive thoughts and wishes and hugs.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

I am not seeing him on the 6th. I am not seeing him again. Apparently. I do not know what is going on. I am presuming he is not going back to work after the bereavement of his dad but I do not know that. I do not know if he is not going to work with me only and IS going back to work. I am seeing an unknown person 50 miles away on the 6th Oct for an assessment - that is all the support they have offered me. I am presuming he is having a breakdown. I think I prefer that to thinking he has felt he has got too much on and so ditched me and only me. I really don't know. I wish he had talked to me himself. I can't believe he has done this. He knows the impact of getting such news on me second hand. He knows all this. He has heard me wail and sob and cry about how it has been done to me three times before. THAt is why I can't believe HE is doing it to me.

 

[expectingbetter]

I understand completely how you feel. Most of us would feel the same in your situation. And it is really, really awful way to treat anybody let alone the client of so many years.
I don't believe it is happening only to you. Very probably it is the same for his other clients. I wouldn't think I am the only one who is terminated if I were in your shoes.
It must be he has some very important reason. I am sure you haven't misjudged him and that he knows how this will affect you.
It must be it was the only possible option.
Can you at least ask for some explanation from his manager? You deserve to get the explanation.
I am so sorry you are going through this.:(:(

 

[Suzetig]

But if he is having a breakdown, or coping with bereavement then he's not purposely doing it to you and honestly, may be too caught up in his own struggle to have any sense of how this is impacting you, not because he doesnt care but when someone struggles with their own mental health they can't really consider others feelings much.

Those feelings are very real for you but by telling yourself it's about you you're ignoring the most likely explanation - and spiralling out emotionally in the process.

The reality is that Ts have problems and crisis like everyone else, get affected by bereavement, have mental health issues and struggle to cope - which means they're fallible too. I'm truly sorry you're so hurt and hope you keep reaching out for help.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

Thanks guys. really.
And thanks susie for reminding me that he could be just totally unable to feel or think clearly himself. I love him and I hate to think of him in a bad way. I am going to try and think that he is possibly suffering and has just had to bail out. In time, he will probably contact me to explain. I can cope with that view on this. I actually had to ditch someone else myself last summer when I was physically and emotionally going under and she was just too much for me. she did have back up so I didn't feel like she was left. But I am scrabbling around trying to think of where I can find back up. I almost can't even work out what I need. Like a part of me is going 'let's give up on therapy, you can use this as an excuse to get away from therapy - you have done loads of good work and you can have a total break from it and then you won't have to deal with therapists' shit like this anymore'. I can see myself liking that response. I can. I just wish I knew what was going on for him. I begged his manager to tell me, to give me a clue, to tell me if he was just ditching me or all his clients, to tell me whether he is ill or in breakdown, to tell me anything, but she wouldn't. She wouldn't tell me a thing except to say he said he would write me a letter some day but not any time soon.

 

[Suzetig]

His managers response suggests to me that he's been retired on health grounds or that he's so unwell they don't expect him back to work. She can't tell you anything about what's going on because it would break his confidentiality - I know he shares stuff with you but she needs to keep her boundaries tight. Again, not at all about you - she could be sacked for telling you what's happening for him personally, even if he might have told you himself.

It may be ok for you to take a break from therapy - this relationship seems to have been very intense and 6 years is a long time to be in continuos therapy. A break might help you consolidate the good work you've done with him and figure out what you need next. There are ways to work on yourself and to get support that don't need therapy so it's not a case of giving up so much as giving yourself time and space.

I'm sends lots of good thoughts, I know how hard it can be.

 

[Deleted member 33880]

thank you Suzetig, thank you. I am doing all I can to get through this as best I can.

I wish he would tell me what is wrong. I wish he would. I once said to him 'if you terminate with me suddenly I shall come around and bang on your door and insist you explain, you KNOW me well enough to know I will do that'. and he laughed and said 'sure, you can do that'. so I half wonder if he is expecting me. I know where he lives. But if he HAS had a breakdown I wouldn't like to bother him and upset him. so I am giving him space. this is such a mess.

 

[Missycat]

@Kaluki , so sorry you are going through this. As the next appointment isnt until Oct 6th is it worth speaking to the clinic / his manager to see if there is anything sooner due to how you are feeling?
As others have said there could be numerous reasons why he has had to terminate your future sessions. It sounds by what you have said that you had a good relationship so seems unlikely that the reason was to do with you.
I hope you are able to get something sorted and continue on your healing journey.
*hugs*'if accepted.

 

[Suzetig]

I think its really wise to respect his privacy just now. If he's not well enough to work, you don't know how he'll be and we all need space when we struggle. His manager said he would write when he's able - I'd try to trust that and give yourself space to grieve for the relationship without worrying about how he is just now.

You're already starting to sound in a better place, not that it doesn't hurt - of course it does. You may find your feelings are up and down a lot, which is entirely normal but from what you've said, if he was able to do it any other way, he would have done. So, know that it's most likely not purposeful but that doesn't stop it from really hurting.

 

[joeylittle]

As the next appointment isnt until Oct 6th is it worth speaking to the clinic / his manager to see if there is anything sooner due to how you are feeling?

I would second this. The manager will not tell you anything about him, and it's important for you (I suspect) that you continue to work on accepting what's happened.

But the 6th is a long time away, especially after having lost your last few appointments. It's worth a call, anyway.

 

[aut555]

That's so tough, you have shared so much with this person, and you have gotten better. My soon to be ex is a psychiatrist. There are legal reasons why you can't speak to him, not even to leave a message. It's nothing to do with you, it's liability issues that psy md's face. They have incredibly high malpractice insurance. So don't take personally. I have yet to find a good therapist. You are so lucky you had access to one.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

It sounds like the reason why is less important than being able to contain yourself and seek help with someone else. As someone who has been repeatedly dropped by therapists, I know how upsetting this is - sending my best wishes your way.