Emotionlessness - Control Freak Or Lack Of Trust?

[FauxLiz]

My T knows that I have a very difficult time dealing with emotions of any sort. We were discussing a topic in session this morning that really struck a nerve and I sat there for a log time working to keep from crying. The thing is it started a discussion about why I didn't just let myself shed the tears. For me the answer was simple I don't cry, So then my T asked if it was that I didn't feel safe enough, trust him enough yet to loosen the reins on my emotions and allow myself to cry in his presence. That's not the case, we have been together for 2 years, I trust him and feel safe when I am with him but even alone I don't allow myself to feel or sort through emotions.

I guess I am just looking for support here that I am not alone. I have been pushing for us to start doing harder work again after my health issues this summer and he was clear that it will include pushing me to stop stuffing them down in and express them as they happen, name them, and allow myself to feel them. I am terrified as I have always viewed it as losing control to show emotions not a sign of feeling safe and trusting those around you.

 

[trying2movefwd]

I have been there.

 

[Naoru]

I'm in the same club.

 

[Panda Bear]

For me, it's both about control and trust. At first, he didn't have my trust and you wouldn't catch me dead, crying in his office. Let alone on my own. I can completely relate, that loosing control component. I also viewed it as a deep weakness to cry and show such emotions.

When I first learned to trust T, the crying got a little bit easier. When I let go of the control freak side of me and really started to process the emotions, crying became the norm.

It starts small, and controlled. It wasn't like I went from no tears, to a full fledge flood of crying and emotions. We worked up to just feeling the smallest of emotions and if that included the need to cry....we dealt with it. Just the first few, tiny tears...me relinquishing the control freak and letting it happen. Scary as shit....but it helps work through those hefty emotions so that you can move into healing.

In comparison to where I started?? Unable to shed s single tear....today, I spent almost the full hour with tears streaming down my face.

Maybe you don't trust what will happen should you let go and cry....

 

[Friday]

For me it's definitely, 100% a control thing. It has nothing to do with trust.

 

[sedna]

My T knows that I have a very difficult time dealing with emotions of any sort. We were discussing a t...

I've had such a hard time with that too.
If its been 2 yrs its probably okay, you say you're comfortable and trust him.

THIS is where I get mad at T's ,
They expect you to open a floodgate of pain and then go home and function day to day until you come back,
then they smile and call it progress.

Easy for the guy who's got the pat on the back and the paycheck in 1 hour of his life.

REMIND HIM OF WHAT YOU MAY BE EXPERIENCING BETWEEN SESSIONS AND DONT LET HIM MINIMIZE IT.

Have him give you coping tools and also acknowledge your effort and commitment.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

I have hard time crying too. It took few EMDR sessions and experiential therapy to help me. It is still hard but now I do it almost very day for few minutes. Honestly, I envy the people that can just break down and cry and don't care what other people will think.

 

[EveHarrington]

Start with "little" emotions?

 

[aut555]

I've had such a hard time with that too.
If its been 2 yrs its probably okay, you say you're comfortable...

That is so true. I was so triggered, l stop going and tried dealing with it myself. I do need a new therapist. But l had no problem crying because past memories of abuse are painful and made me angry at the same time, but crying is easier to express, l am afraid to show anger at therapist's office. Going to the gym, l think that helps release the fury that l let this blank abuse me. Sorry, may be off topic.

 

[sedna]

That is so true. I was so triggered, l stop going and tried dealing with it myself. I do need a new ther...

No! that is very on topic. Thats the whole point really, they dont know what its like to be in your skin and its just theoretical progress that makes them feel good about their job.

The gym and making sure your next T respects your time frames about emotions, thats all good. :)

 

[aut555]

No! that is very on topic. Thats the whole point really, they dont know what its like to be in your skin...

Thanks for support, appreciate sincerely.

 

[Freedomfighter]

My T knows that I have a very difficult time dealing with emotions of any sort. We were discussing a t...

Well, the answer from your T surprises me a bit. As a PTSD person I know all too well what it feels like when I can not express my emotions. Usually that has nothing to do with trust, but with my own mind that is in peril and imprisoned within panic attacks and disassociation periods.

When someone would tell me as a doctor: Well do you trust me? I don't know, I would see that as a very personal question, but maybe I am wrong, I just always thought of that as a question a personal partner would ask, not a doctor or Therapist.

Correct me if you think that is wrong please.