Dating New Person And Revealed Too Much Too Soon

[leknight]

Hi, I'm new here and struggling with communication with a guy I am newly dating. I met him through my best friend and we talked for about a month before our first date, ended up having 3 nights in a row as dates as I don't live in his city and was visiting (though am moving down to the city in November, for completely unrelated reasons/work). We spent the third night together after me explaining I wanted to take it slow- and we did not have sex, but went far enough that, as he already knew about my sexual assaults within an otherwise abusive relationship (they coincided, with stalking after for 2 years once I got out, so long lasting effects), I felt I had a lot of triggers to explain.
I feel I overshared- he has been in contact since then but I feel distraught and uneasy about it, and have cried a lot tonight. I don't know if I should mention it or wait and see if he is bothered/going to want to date more once I move. I think I overshared with him because in my last relationship I tended to not want to talk about it and it lead to unnecessary triggers during sex.
Sorry this was long winded. If anyone has advice on coping with people walking away, or ways to better share information and learn from this should he stay, it would be welcome. Or any advice pertaining to the situation. Thanks for your ears, it's late and I needed to talk badly.

 

[Glo809]

Greetings

If it were me, I think I would have picked up on your stresses, and allowed a sufficient time for you to explain.

Only then would I prod for some clarity.

But that's me, so many do not have or want to take time to really establish a relationship.

Hope this helps.
G

 

[Jules1]

I dont know why but I know that whenever I am brave and honest and share openly I always feel very vulnerable and exposed and emotional afterwards. Honesty is good but I guess we all have to learn how much to share and how much to keep to ourselves until we are sure the other person is safe and will value and hold what we share with them with respect and kindness. Its a journey. Go easy on yourself. and all the best.

 

[Cannottakethis]

I have done the same thing; did the same thing with my now husband. I think for me it was like saying "here's all of me, if you can handle it,we can continue". I scared a lot of men away,but luckily this one stuck around. I think I did it as a protection. I would tell anyone what happened but usually sounded like it was happening to someone else. Unfortunately my husband is witnessing the worst of my symptoms but he's a trooper and I'm lucky.

If this guy was scared or turned off, he'd be gone. Just take the rest slow. Have a relationship and talk about things as they come up. He doesn't need to know everything all at once.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I dont know why but I know that whenever I am brave and honest and share openly I always feel very vulnerable and exposed and emotional afterwards.

This also happens to me. It has taught me to take things slow as I am able at the time and it is not all up to me.

I used to feel quite overexposed when I first got diagnosed.

Trust what your gut feelings are telling you is the best thing I can offer as any sort of help.

 

[aut555]

That's a good point. Should we bring up past to scare them off? Here is all my baggage, now get lost. Lol. Guess you have to decide what your reason is in telling him this. To get closer, to see his reaction, to purge for therapeutic reasons? Think if you can answer that, this will help you with the bigger pic.

 

[Jules1]

This also happens to me. It has taught me to take things slow as I am able at the time and it is not all...

Over exposed is such a good way of putting it.