Sufferer Hello. I Am New Here. I Think I Need Some Help And Support. I Am A Mess.

[Pixielicious]

Before I found this site, I thought I was the only person going through the things I was, am going through....
Just want to say... You so are not alone in what you're going through :)

 

[BethanyG]

It sounds to me like you need to have a serious talk with your husband about your needs. You need to se...

I hava had talks. Or tried to. He claimea it gives him a horrible head ache or just starts doing something elss ignoring me. I've bagged him to understand and we've been to counseling. I still go he stopped. There is no leaving tho. Because I can not work I'm so unstable now. I've applied for disasbility my counseler and Dr. Will support. Pretty much if I was able to drive and work I would have left him. I have no help. No friends for rides no family to go stay with. My mom lives with my kids's father. Disfunctonal alcoholic pill popper. I'm remarried into what now is a nightmare by itself. The house is mine. Not payed off but in a great area close to the school and park and hospital. All blocks away. So I will right to keep my house. I've been lost every thing to many times before. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot. Alot has and is going on. I need to learn how to see and deal with my triggers. They are new to me. Well actually seeing what they are and dealing with them. Idk how?. With out totally losing it. Crying shaking a and just rage. The running where it's like I'm mannic trying to keep busy and not think about it. I've been tested for bipolar I'm not. Just depression and ptsd and anxiety. I can see how this is going in waves. Some things I've never felt before. I hope that's because I'm healing. But I'm doing It all alone. So I do t really know?

 

[BethanyG]

It sounds to me like you need to have a serious talk with your husband about your needs. You need to se...

TY for the ptds cup link. I understand more. I wish i could show my husband so he understands but I know he won't even read it or understand it at all even as simple as it is. Maybe I'll copy and try to share to him about 5 times and see if he gets tired of it And tries to read and maybe understand. I can only hope. He thinks I just get mad at a everything but really I'm just holding it together the best I can.

 

[BethanyG]

Now I'm just wondering what's next...? A erytime I get over an obstical another one comes. I'm only 27 and I hate and don't usually leave my house anymore. I don't go to the store except maybe once a week if I have to only when I really have to. I don't go anywhere just stay home. Seems like when I go out it's always something. Like last time I had to go to the court house my husband smack me for turning the radio in my own car. And cussed me calling me a stupid retarded bitch in front of everyone in the place. Then driving fast and dangerous in the rain. I have to go to court and pay fines and do time now because when I tried to end my life after what happend the police charged me for my accident when I didnt die. Threw me in jail. Nobody ever cared part of the reason I never told. I've came along way after 4 months being able to tell my counseler and my husband. But he blamed me and that really hurt. Then he didn t believe me. But eventually with my counseler he apologised and said he was sorry for saying that because he realized it was Foreal. Who lies about that kind of shit? Anyways I have to do time 7 days in a rehab place because I had alcohol in my system. So I get to look foward to that. And need some one for my kids and animals to be and someone to take care of them. I'm basically stuck and just trying to get through this and work my way up to being independent again so I can leave. But I'm so f*cked up now I don't know if I'll ever be able. But that's my plan. Trying to get through all this alone and eventually get independent to leave my bad situation too. Thanks for being a support system for me I truely have no one else.

 

[Silver.]

There are agencies out there that will help you. Especially a woman in an abusive situation.
I know it's scary thinking that you cannot do it alone, but you can. I left a rubbish marriage with my daughter and it was hard to do, I am disabled, I only have my sister, and she can barely support her family. It can be done, you just have to be willing to do the leg work to make it happen.
Perhaps going to rehab will be really good for you. Make the most of the resources they have to offer and don't be afraid to ask for help from them in leading you in the right direction.

 

[BethanyG]

There are agencies out there that will help you. Especially a woman in an abusive situation.
I know it...

I've lost my house before in my previous marriage with my kids real father. I won't leave this house. I guess I'm just trying to get stronger so I can stand alone. But right now I can't. And I'm going to a rehab type place instead of incarceration. It was part of my plea. But I don't drink or do any drugs I had one drink and wanted to end it all because I couldn't tell anyone and I was to scared but it just made it worse when I survived my accident cause now I have to deal with all that now to. I don't need rehab I don't do drugs or drink ever. I need help with learning how to live with my triggers and live through my ptsd. The Dr. Just gives me medicine the thearapist just says I'm doing all I can. But I can barely function and my moods and days are up and down. I've left an abusive relationship before but not messed up like I am now. I couldn't stand a chance alone with how messed up I am after what's happend. I dont wanna loose my kids because I'm unstable. I'm trying to get okay so I can leave. Leaving an abusive relationship is hard enough but fighting the ptsd on top of it seems impossible to me right now. Finantually and just Idk but your right and it seems like I have no choice. I just need to get better quick and learn to cope and get on my feet. I've been trying to do for myself. Fix things in the house and try and budget Finantually what I can and just do for me and my kids and Slowely pull away standing on my own but It feels like I take a step back when I have my issues..triggers..Ido what to call it And I loose my mind almost. Crying and kinda almost running from nothing but how I feel I can't explain it Thats why I came here and found this sight. I'm trying to get better and stand on my own to get out of this crap and I fall apart and it's like I'm crazy now. I can't help my emotions. Anymore. All that I been through this takes the cake and makes me messed up. And I don't wanna be of feel this way. I don't have time. I would gladly do the leg work if my mind would let me focuss on doing what I need instead of hiding or fighting or being scared it sucks.

 

[BethanyG]

It sounds to me like you need to have a serious talk with your husband about your needs. You need to se...

I got a chance to show my husband and explaine the ptsd cup explanation and I think he understands better now. Thank you.

 

[Jung in the JUNGle]

Thats a pretty tough place your in

Don't try to get through that much crap on your own.

Try to pull it apart into chunks you can grapple with, as the whole scene you are in collectively is pretty ugly and must look like fending off a tsunami with an umbrella. As you say and as i see it, the core of your stress is you don't know what to do about it.

The old adage how do you eat an elephant? - one piece at a time.

Whilst i fully agree about keeping your house, the stress around fighting for your survival, you will need to deal with each issue by developing a plan with as many options as you can. This will partly relieve stress immediately as you can then see at least an option for a way forward. The enact them one step at a time.

keep coming back with direct questions if you need peer review on your plans

 

[Pixielicious]

Thats a pretty tough place your in

Don't try to get through that much crap on your own.

"The old adage how do you eat an elephant? - one piece at a time. "

:D

 

[BethanyG]

Thats a pretty tough place your in

Don't try to get through that much crap on your own.

T...

Thank you. Thats what I'm doing. One thing at a time trying to work each thing out one at a time. Looking at all my options. You guys have helped me so much. Today was a good day. Hope for a good day tomorrow. You just never know. One piece at a time" thank you. ☺

 

[Deleted member 34328]

1 thing at a time, 1 day at a time, sometimes 1 minute at a time.

It's very difficult to open up and share all that. Kind of a "put your heart on your sleeve" type thing. Good for you. Find something nice and warm that's all about you. No one else. Put yourself first and make yourself a priority even if you only have a few minutes to do it. Can go a long ways. That can be part of your plan too.

 

[GypsyThatIWas]

Honey,

You are loved. I know that will ring hollow and cliche and silly but you should know it. You should know you deserve love. Your emotions are real and legitimate and you deserve to be heard. You should never feel silenced. You should never feel isolated.

Remind yourself of that as often as you can. Maybe write it down on a piece of paper and put it in your bag, in your pocket. Tie a string around your finger. You deserve love and you can have it.