Face It, Sweetie! You've Been Dumped

[red shoes]

Sigh...another friendship down the drain. I don't think I have any idea how to have a friend or be a friend anymore. It's been over 4 years since I even had someone in my life I could call a friend, and over 15 years since I had a close friend.

I've shut everyone out of my heart except my spouse - mom, sister, kids, friends...I feel incapable of having a warm and loving relationship.

Normally I don't take it so hard, but this time it was going really well, when all of a sudden WHAM! - within 3 hours or less I got some really bad news about my youngest son and then my new "friend" dumped me...

On another thread, fin posted, "I...feel that my trust and friendship is not worth anything. I feel cold and very alone. And feel I will never know who to trust or when."

You've quoted right from my heart...exactly how I've been feeling this week. Thank you, fin :)

 

[2quilt]

That wasn't a true friend.
Welcome to the forum!

 

[fin]

thankyou red shoes, you have helped me also, through your other post.

and I think I agree with 2quilt, I am thinking on this now...right across the board maybe??

thankyou for starting this thread...mind blowing really!! soo much to try to take in...

WoW this is really deep. I dont think I had any idea just how deep it could really be. slow down!!

 

[2quilt]

I either ended or the other person ended four friendships last year. They all were not worthy of my time. I grieved, I thought I had made mistakes, but all relationships are imperfect; I did the right thing by getting toxic people out of my life.

 

[dust]

My therapist said something very interesting to me recently...

I lost lots of friends when I was full blown and could not contain the PTSD. I still believe that it was wrong of them to desert me, so I am on side with you there. However, I have recently begun to think about dating and what that will entail. This came up in therapy, as did the question of disclosure: when should I tell the person I intend to date that I live with PTSD? My therapist asked me to describe how I would handle the situation... I said that I would use their reaction to adjust what I was saying. That I would use their reaction to guide me about how much I could/should tell. My therapist loved this answer...

Thinking about it, perhaps it is something that we all need to consider when we are not triggered... how much can a friend/lover take? How do we accommodate them? What does disclosure mean in terms of how we expect them to reciprocate?

Just some thoughts,

dust

 

[red shoes]

Thanks, Ladies!!

Thank you, 2quilt and fin. I so appreciate you welcoming me to the forum. This is the closest to an introduction I can get right now :)

I'm hearing you, 2quilt, about this person not being a real friend...probably true, but it still hurts. And it still makes me wonder if I will ever figure out who to trust and when.

I am very proud of myself for starting this thread too, fin!! Not really sure why it's mind-blowing, though.

It is true that I frequently seem to get that reaction from people, even psychiatrists and therapists... Can't tell you how many times I share my story with people like pastors, doctors, etc. (only professionals ever get a full account) and they have this glazed look in their eyes, a stunned look on their face and are at a loss for words. So I'm wondering why.

I mean, my story doesn't seem to be nearly as outwardly traumatic or violent as many of the stories I've read on this forum or in books about PTSD. I know that it is the inward trauma that matters so much more than the actual event in dealing with PTSD, but I really am clueless here.:dontknow: Is it that I communicate deep, intense feelings too clearly and touch a nerve in people?? Or am I too dispassionate in my presentation?? Is it that I have held so much in for so long without others even having a clue??? Don't mean to make you feel bad, fin, or over-analyze the situation but I almost invariably get this reaction from people when I start to share and I really have no idea why...

In thinking about it, it may be because I am too dispassionate in my delivery. So many of my attempts for get help when I was younger were not taken seriously...

 

[fin]

Dust this is a really good post, thankyou for writing it here. It is difficult to know, I did disclose to my ex husband unfortunately he was so the wrong person for me, and abused me so much worse after we were married. Of course I had no idea what was to come, and I had no idea what was already happening - I was distracted and very vulnerable, when I found out what was to help me decide I made him leave immediately. I had to listen to so many lies after it was not funny, but I am still here so it didnt kill me. And I did try for as long as I could, I knew so much was wrong before the decider fo rme, but I dont know what happened really for me to completely to loose myself after...I know that meds I was on at one point cut me off further and made me more vulerable. Suppressed too much, it is good to be working it through now finally.

I wish I could have found out so much of this and so much more befor now, because I do feel like my life has slipped away and I am definietly very alone. I wonder if I will ever have to worry about disclosing to anyone else romantically ever again.

"Romantically" I hate that word and I dont know why. Maybe no romance in my life at any point has got me a little iffy about it all.

I know I have so far to go, I can only hope that the rest of my life will not be written off because of my past. I dont believe that any one should be written off, it has just been my experience that people are. And I also know and am well aware that the PTSD just about caps it all off for me on this point. Grrrrrr

I have fears and hopes I guess like the next person, I just hate that the PTSD stalls me so much. I am afraid of ..too much perhaps.

I feel cold and alone again, I know that nothing has changed for me to be like this tonight, it is just tough I guess. I had some other stuff I wanted to write up and a lot I still felt I should work through tonight but I can say my head is fit to burst and I think I just have to go and slepp or switch off a little, but I am working through and all of it is good so hey

 

[red shoes]

The Title of My Thread

Regarding the title of this thread...It's the heading on a message I emailed to myself. I keep checking my inbox several times a day for a message that never comes. So this way, there's a message I can read instead of just a blank space. Kinda sad, huh?

Originally it was meant to act more as a catharsis than anything, and the headline was meant to help me face reality. But then I wrote a very nurturing note to myself so I can work through my feelings and end on a positive note. Surprisingly, it has worked better than I thought it would. I still keep checking my inbox, but at least I am processing my sad feelings rather than just feeling empty and rejected. Kinda proud of myself : )

 

[amethist]

Hi red shoes

True friends don't run off at the first hurdle if they do then they were not friends in the first place.

I have lost a friend i knew for over thirty years. When it was my time for needing support for a change she was no where in sight. I was devestated at the time but know it's past.

My husband has friends that get in touch very rarely and don't seem to or want to understand how ill he is.

Except for one who had not seen him for over ten years then he just appeared and excepted him for who he is now. No problems no expectations he just treats him as as he always did, but with the knowledge that he has ptsd, his friend has even taken some spare meds to his own house in case my husband forgets to take his with him.

And no it's not sad to see if you have a message i think we all do it we just don't let on, lol

Romance, whats that, think some one else has got my share hope they give it back soon cos i'm going to force feed it to my husband.

Best wishes

Amethist

 

[TLight]

Yes, I've been desserted plenty.

True friends are hard to find, but we also have to remember that a lot of people may have their own painful issues and watching or hearing about ours is just too much for them so they have to leave. So developing compassion may be a balm to our hurt.

 

[macpayne]

I too have had a rough go at finding friends. As I get better ( mentally and emotionally) I'm starting to realize the few I have, are just as sick or sicker then I am. Unfortunately I'm the only one who chose to get help. I suspect we will soon grow apart as I get better. Its unfortunate but I have to look out for me now......

 

[red shoes]

Really appreciate the input, Amethist and Tlight. It helps so much just to know that I'm not completely alone. I am very grateful for your caring responses.