Major Depressive Disorder And Seasonal Affective Disorder

[Lionheart]

Well it is that time of year when the days get darker and shorter and depression slowly rears it's ugly head...

I struggle with Major Depression / Seasonal Affective Disorder, and several other chronic illnesses that may be made worse by depression.

I sometimes get "trapped" in a depression/pain/anxiety cycle.

As a man, I often try to tuff it out on my own, with varying degrees of success.

The instinct is to pretend everything is fine, isolate myself, and hibernate........

but not this time....

I find that I don't want to communicate, socialize, or even spend time alone. I don't want to listen to music, sing, watch a movie, or anything else that I usually enjoy doing. I don't even want to self-medicate with cannabis.

No, all I want to do is isolate, sleep and maybe...if I can gather the strength....cry.

I am grieving the loss of my father (4 years ago this December), at least in so much as it has left me grappling with mortality and thoughts of death/dying. (I don't think I reached closure with his passing).

Also, my mother recently went into a nursing facility and is advancing in age, which makes me feel sad.

I take 60mg of Cymbalta daily, and really need to invest in a light box, some Vitamin D, and get more sunshine. I may need a medication adjustment as well.

I know some of the things that I need to do, but somehow it doesn't make it much easier. (Maybe I need a refresher course).

So, here I am reaching out, desperately hoping to find some support, and perhaps a laugh,
(some good cheer).

Also, I was thinking to myself that it is selfish to keep my struggles from those who may benefit in some way from my reaching out.

Besides, I am probably not the only one here who suffers with depression huh?.

So before we go slipping off into darkness and the Holidays, perhaps it would be a good time to take stock of the things that help us to battle the depression monster. I know it would help me!!!

I find the words "chocolate ice cream" coming to mind but, comfort foods may not be the most appropriate answer.

I hope that this thread will NOT be construed as whining...(there are those who already know of my struggle with depression) ...and that something good will come of it.

I am afraid to post this. I am afraid I will be seen as weak or ineffective. I am afraid that others will reject me or think less of me in some way. But mostly I am afraid of deepening depression and so, ....

now comes the big one.....clicking the Create Thread Button

*Closes eyes and clicks

 

[7Cs]

You're not alone in this.
My ptsd is made worse this time of year. A touch of SAD... maybe. But I know it can get pretty awful.

What to do to make it better... Good question. Sometimes if I catch the mood early I can get outside and enjoy nature and some fresh air unless it's too cold. Other times I search google for brightly colored images like fireworks. But those don't work when the depression hits hard or goes deep. Thankfully my depressed states don't usually last more than a few hours to a day. Unfortunately, they come back... it's like a roller coaster ride of negative emotions all winter long.

 

[Lionheart]

@7Cs I appreciate the suggestions and knowing that I am not alone.

I will try searching for some brightly colored images to help lift my mood and I will get outside tomorrow if it is warm enuff.

Thank you for your suggestions and your support!!!

 

[sun seeker]

I am afraid to post this. I am afraid I will be seen as weak or ineffective. I am afraid that others will reject me or think less of me in some way.

Not at all. You are facing it and looking for solutions. Nothing in that adds up to "ineffective" in my book!

Getting out in the fresh air, in nature if possible, would be at the top of my list. (I see that's been suggested already; I'll second the motion.)

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Hi, @Lionheart777.

First, you certainly are not alone in this. Second, there's no shame in your game: it takes cojones (balls) to deal with this shit. You are such a badass to click that button, to wake up every dark morning. Folks here get that better than anyone.

Finally, some thoughts/strategies:

I have MDD as well, and am affected by the seasonal changes. Although I love the fall, it's the dark mornings that are so hard for me. I find that even just sticking my face out the window or stepping outside first thing in the morning to do 30 seconds of jogging in place can help ... It's just f*cking ridiculously hard to actually do! What is more typical of me is taking a few minutes to stick my head and/or body outside but only once it's actually a little light out. That means I still struggle for a couple of hours in the morning.

I think the thing that helps me the most regardless of the season is walking relatively early in my day. That might not be until 11 am or later. I get off the train 4 stops early and walk 2 miles in to work. I try to do that every day, 5 days a week, if I'm not running late. It's usually the only exercise I get for the day, but it's better than trying to get a more robust workout later, after work, when all I want to do is go home and hibernate some more. Since I have to force myself to go to work anyway (pretty badass of me, I tell myself), I've made it a habit long enough that I really notice if I don't get my walk in ... It's like taking a depressant.

What do you think of essential oils? Something bracing, like Eucalyptus? Or something you have a positive association with? I use Eucalyptus oil to help with grounding/staying present/waking the f*ck up when I start to dissociate. Maybe that will help to "shake off" the heavy blanket of winter depression? Worth a shot.

A couple years ago I researched light boxes but never got one. I think I need to revisit that. Have you done any research? Maybe Someone with experience using a light box can make some recommendation? Let me know if you go this route, Lion, I'd be curious to know what you buy and how it works for you.

As for general malaise and feeling like you don't want to interact with anyone, even yourself sometimes, to me, that's an issue regardless of time of year. I am an Olympic sleeper (I call it a sleep coma, a medically-induced sleep coma to avoid life.) for me, it's about going back to basics. Again. Over and over again. Aaaannd again. Can I do just one thing for myself? Do I need to dust off my coping box? Re read my list of reasons to live? Squeeze my rock? Smell my Eucalyptus or Lavender? Call my T? Start over again? Back to basics.

I hope you get a lot of replies, Lion. I think this is a good thread and I'm glad you posted it. I'm looking forward to hearing more from others!

Hang in there, my friend.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Lionheart777 I used to suffer terribly with S.A.D. Used to. Honestly I'm not sure what changed, but I know for me some things I do that help.

Sunlight is major for me. I'm not talking being out in the sun, but even in my apartment. I always keep the blinds open. When I move, I always make sure that there are plenty of windows for sunlight.

Vit D3. My levels have to be up there or I sink into depression.

I hate the days when it's dreary outside with the snow and cold, but I know it won't last long, and the sun will shine soon.

CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE!!!! Isn't it a food group??? Seriously, I've always thought that it should be!!!!

Hang in there and this too shall pass.

 

[Silver.]

As far as a lamp, I bought myself the "Happy Light" last year (pretty cheap on Amazon), it's one of the best purchases I have made, especially because I was so against the idea.

 

[Lionheart]

@Silver. thank you , I am looking at them on Amazon now. :)

 

[Silver.]

I just checked Amazon after mentioning it to you, I did not pay as much as the ones that came up on the first page, so I am looking around for the one I bought (because mine was only $40)

Dead Link Removed

 

[Lionheart]

Hi, @Lionheart777.
Maybe Someone with experience using a light box can make some recommendation? Let me know if you go this route, Lion, I'd be curious to know what you buy and how it works for you.

Do I need to dust off my coping box? Re read my list of reasons to live? Squeeze my rock? Smell my Eucalyptus or Lavender? Call my T? Start over again? Back to basics.

Thank you so much @Lola Nocheprieta

I am looking into purchasing a light box as we speak and love your suggestions, many of which I knew but had forgotten...like essential oils...gotta love Lavender and I need to get back with my "T" etc., etc.

Thank you so much for your reply, it is more helpful than you know,

:hug:'s,
Lion

 

[Lionheart]

I am committed to buying a 10,000 LUX light box for S.A.D. and am trying to get back in to see a "t" and psyche doc for medication management.

Also I am trying to get some closure with my father's passing.... it was sudden, there was no funeral services held and that bothers me more than I realized. We didn't have the best relationship, but I miss him a great deal nevertheless.

My sister and I both have applied for in home health care services, although I may not qualify, she certainly will and this will make things so much easier on us both and this lightens the depressed mood a bit.

Seems the depression waxes and wanes like the moon and I am feeling better this morning. Still, I know I need to remain on guard for negative thoughts and continue to seek ways to overcome.

Thank you from my heart to those who have replied to this thread,

and much healing for anyone struggling with depression.

Lionheart777

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Lionheart777 if you have a diagnosis of S.A.D and it's documented, your insurance may pay for it depending on your healthcare provider and if it's covered. Sometimes your Dr can put in for a prior authorization to see if the insurance will pay for it. Might be worth checking on to save some $$