What I Really Want To Ask My Therapist

[EmmaOwl]

"Are you sorry I was referred to you?"

This is an excellent question for a therapist! For a while I had a psychiatrist, for meds not really for therapy - thank goodness - who just sat there waiting until my staring at the wall turned into forced chattiness - of course my side, never HIS. I knew he didn't want me there but it was a favor for a friend of a friend, you know the deal, and for one thing he specialized in child psychiatrist and I was far from that. In fact, I think I was a good 10 years older than he thought I'd be, after using an "in" to get an emergency appointment in the first place.

He scheduled half hour med refill appointments (generally such sessions run to 15 minutes) - absolutely useless - we discussed nothing of import until I got impatient enough to babble. And yeah this is me in my early 30's, but I can out-teenager most people!! :) I'd just gotten around, starting to ramble and then in the middle he'd interrupt, literally in the middle of a sentence and say: "Oh, unfortunately we've run out of time!"

I don't think he was a very happy person, but I remain grateful that, for now at least, I've been able to find an alternative! Oh my goodness. What ridiculousness.

I have a feeling, Rumors, that is not the scenario you are presenting. I *hope* not! I wouldn't wish that on anybody! I remain extremely grateful that I have a close (emotionally) therapist who has been doing an excellent job helping me to get better, gather me together, all that good stuff.

Jeez I'm off topic again. Please forgive. (I should make that my screenname "PleaseForgive"

 

[Rumors]

@allie D you certainly aren't off topic. My t has never made me feel like I am a burden. Ever. However, it lurks in the back of my mind and I often wonder if it would have been easier had I never shown up. Perhaps there are less "sick" people than me and much easier and quicker to heal ???? Anyway, I carry shame and guilt for being sick and needing help and wish I were strong enough to figure it out on my own. Vicious cycle...
Thank you for responding!

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

@Rumors, I have the opposite thought, but I think it comes from the same place: aren't there "sicker" patients, people who are worse off than me, who need her more? Who am I to take up her time? Does she really mean it that it's okay to contact her if I have questions or I'm not doing well in-between sessions?

Whether it's comparing ourselves to someone worse off and more "deserving," or better off and more "rewarding" to work with, the underlying fear is "I'm not worthy of your time, attention, concern or compassion."

It's a terrible feeling to sit with. I have to remind myself that my T has never done or said anything to make me think that she doesn't want to work with me, that these thoughts and fears are my own cognitive distortions. I don't know how to break out of it, though. :(

 

[EmmaOwl]

shame and guilt for being sick and needing help and wish I were strong

Shame and guilt and wishing for strength..very common in all kinds of ptsd issues, I think, but if I could pick one thing to be rid of it is GUILT. There's too much guilt floating around. :(

I once got in an argument with a therapist, she insisted I had guilt from the Italian (aka Catholic) side of my family; I insisted it was the Jewish side.... She didn't last long but I do laugh at that once in a while - while being grateful that was a LONG time ago.

 

[Iamsensative]

I wish i could ask my therapist, does he really believe I can get better. i have worked with him 6 yrs, 1 hospitalization so many medication changes. 2 job losses from no longer being able to handle the symptoms. I have come so far but everytime i slip, i wonder if i will make it back again. i have told him my fear of him giving up on me, he has reassured me but i still feel like i am too much, i am asking too much, i really dont matter, everyone else does..frustrating...

 

[screen-name]

I've been gone for a while but I wanted to chime in here. I wonder all of the time what my therapist thinks. I emailed him yesterday to see if I could schedule a phone session due to my lack of time this week. He hasn't answered yet so I've spent 24 hours wondering if he thinks it was a dumb, needy question.

I think everyone has those questions when they share so much with someone. In a family or friend relationship they can tell you how awesome you are and that gap can be bridge. The formal relationship with a therapist makes that impossible so we are left to sit and wonder or doubt.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Perhaps a little unrelated: but do you think therapists have trouble when going home to their families? How does a therapist avoid treating family members like clients? I guess what I am thinking is that it would have to be really tough to get out of that mode: because family members have problems much like the clients do. How does the therapist handle that kind of stuff?

 

[The Albatross]

To my former therapist, "Please mark the place on the map and show me where the heck you go in your head to be able to have maybe 5-8 sessions and still have autonomy? THAT's a place I'd want to live in!"

 

[Leighlee87]

I love this thread!

Why on earth would you do this for a job?!?! I could never put someone through some of the torture sessions she has had me endure.

******What else do you know about me that I haven't told you?????

Do you think there is more wrong with me than just ptsd?

Why do I have PTSD if what I went through doesn't seem that bad? Plenty of other people could have survived it without it turning into this?

Do you mean it when you say that you are surprised by how well I function considering everything I've gone through? Or are you just saying that? Cause I don't believe you.

Do you wish I would try harder?

Do you ever get tired of me dissociating every time I get uncomfortable?

Are you upset with me for the things that you learned during our emdr sessions that I should have mentioned to you before then?

I've got other big things I need to talk about but I freaking can't manage to do it no matter how hard I try.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

To my T:

When will I stop crying?

 

[EmmaOwl]

To my T:

When will I stop crying?

Lola - that is heartbreaking but somehow sweet. I realize that it's a hypothetical question, not truly answerable, but I think you will, if you keep working at it. You'll break through somewhere. I see you write strong things on this site.

I just got back from therapy where I said, "Remember when I used to cry every session? TWO hours a week?" And my guy said, "yeah, I wasn't sure what to do with you at the time, but I stuck with you b/c it seemed to help you."

A theme in our sessions is, he wouldn't be working with me if he didn't think he could help me get better. Some years later, though, culminating in this evening... Well I teared up, but I didn't sob.

Sobs still exist, at times, but it's not the same as it was.

How long have you been seeing your current therapist? If you don't mind me asking.

 

[EmmaOwl]

so I've spent 24 hours wondering if he thinks it was a dumb, needy question.

Oh I cannot tell you what I go through with this kind of thing! Even though we have a "system" I still wonder what's going on when there is an unanswered question floating around! I hope you've gotten in touch by now.