General Suffering From Too Many Choices

[Gs172003]

Actually my vet was combat platoon leader... he had to make life and death decisions for 42 guys. So...

Ahhh so the complete opposite. Make a wrong choice..people get hurt. So much for somebody to deal with

 

[Gs172003]

@anthony: No, he is not staying in bed all day. The opposite is the case. He works...

My husband is the same way and he doesn't have PTSD. I don't know WHY he does it. I know when he goes to the store he will call at least three times.

 

[Ronin]

but choosing a clothing item or buying a replacement toothpaste or such item... that sounds more like an excuse than PTSD itself.

Disagreement about it being an excuse.

Sure, it may be an excuse, but after making a lifetime of very hard decisions about other people, choosing itself can be quite complicated / impossible to do.

Not specifics I can or want to go into, as not my story to tell, but my fiance can have very ugly meltdowns over very 'trivial' things and it's directly related to his trauma. Decision fatique & triggers related to decisions & generealized ad absurdum are absolutely a PTSD thing for some people.

& Yep, what @Sweetpea76 said about cause-effect on things.

 

[Never_falter2]

If this is new he may be processing something thatI go with that, not manipulat...

No, it's not about the weather, he just uses the t-shirts like undershirts and nobody sees much of them.
He used to have a lot of trouble go crowded places and in order to make it easier for him he used get dressed to perfection when he went to places where he expected many people. Does not sound very logical but for him it helped him to feel protected.
So for him dressing a certain way is important because it helps him feel protected... and he cannot stand it if there is a little hole in his shirt or something like this.
So the way he dresses influences his mood a lot and he is afraid to make the wrong choice while dressing... so better stick to what he knows... actually he knows it does not make any sense but he still cannot snatch out of it and FEELS he can make horrible mistakes while choosing his clothes while he KNOWS it does not play a major role. He gets annoyed with himself over this.

 

[Never_falter2]

Disagreement about it being an excuse.

Sure, it may be an excuse, but after making a lifetime of very har...

Would you mind telling me what those things are??

 

[Ronin]

Is there any other way around this, @Never_falter?

As in different things signifying the same protection to him, that aren't clothes and would be easier attainable.

ETA: Can /he/ tell you what worst things will happen?

Without dismissing them, go over the worst case scenario and add the what happens /then/, after the Worst Thing happened - show him first that there are ways to cover for it, until that worst thing ceases to bring such distress, and then work with modifying the behaviors around it - the small pieces - after the big one they're all tied to isn't as much an issue.

 

[Gs172003]

Disagreement about it being an excuse.

Sure, it may be an excuse, but after making a lifetime of very har...

This. Maybe this is what my problem is. I spent my life in crap situations I want a good one. What if I pick another bad one or a worse one?

Also, I put my kids in bad situations. Now I need to help put them ( and others) in good ones. (Doesn't help that I have no control over that)

Make sense?

 

[7Cs]

I think a lot of us with PTSD are haunted by the choices we made that led up to our being traumatized or choices that were made during our traumas that led to worse things happening to ourselves or people we cared about.

I definitely see this symptom of being unable to make choices or being overwhelmed by small choices being cause by that. Especially when already triggered or over-stressed.

I know what I just wrote is pretty much what others have said but I never really thought about it until you started this thread but it kind of makes more sense to me now why at times this can happen to me.

 

[dulcia]

Does your sufferer/do you as a sufferer sometimes suffer from too many choices, like not knowing how to dress because there is too many choices in the wardrobe or not knowing which tooth paste to buy because there are too many?

Sort of. My SO will ask multiple times if his outfit is appropriate and looks okay before we go out. He usually changes a time or two during, as well. He has a long to-do list of grand projects for the house, but never gets to them -- and I can't blame him, the projects are huge, but he doesn't or is unable to, for example, pick one project to focus on and break the project up into smaller, more manageable tasks and then go through them one by one. Hence, he is adamant and excited about a project the night before, he wakes up and is ready to go, he goes to the hardware store (he sometimes doesn't make it to this step and skips straight to the tub) but didn't make a list and hasn't thought about the steps so he doesn't really know what he needs, he buys a random thing or two that may or may not have anything to do with the project, then he comes home and sits in the tub all day. If only he could break the project down into: Step 1) Measure the area I want to plant flowers, 2) Know or research what find of flowers you want, 3) Make a list for the hardware store of things you will need to complete the project from start to finish, 4) Go to the hardware store with your list, etc...

Too much stress causes a person to do less, and doing less causes Depression, and depression causes not wanting to do anything.

So as a result, we get this ^. And frustration/anger that he's not being productive.

Decision fatique

I've never heard this. What an awesomely appropriate term.

We've had to do many house projects 3 times. First, when he does it full steam ahead without any planning or the right tools and the project is a flop and he's not happy with it. Second, when he attempts to do it again with a bit more appropriate tools and with the trial and error knowledge from the first time. The project isn't a total flop, but isn't exactly how it was supposed to turn out and he's still not happy with it. Third, when we set aside a date to try the project again together, we talk through the process and the supplies we will need, we take measurements, we make a list for the hardware store, we got to the store together, we work on the project together at a slower pace. Then the project is a lot closer to the final product he imagined/wanted. But...a lot of the times the process has been good for him because me telling him the right way to do things is never going to work as well as him figuring it out on his own. Plus, a lot of the times, there's no chance for me to jump in and help (I like helping with house projects!) because I will come home and he's painted the entire living room on a whim. (But ran out of paint 3/4 of the way through...so finishing will be another project for another day :tup:)

Note: I sound really full of myself at the end there. The projects don't turn out awesome because of me, they turn out decent and enough to make him happy because we plan better, that's all. He's a smart guy, just has a lot going on ;)

 

[Never_falter2]

Thanks for sharing.