Too Much

[Justmehere]

I got difficult medical news and my doctor railed into me in a very unhealthy way about it. This doctor has some serious issues. It was verbally really inappropriate.

She ended up demanding I give her a detailed trauma history on the phone. I said no and she told me I'd never get well becasue I'm a horrible patient. No one can ever help me. She then insulted me further in a terribly personal and accurate way.

Her number and email are blocked and I'm never going back.

I've been over the edge triggered and stressed out about the medical issue and childhood trauma being stirred up.

My dog ate chocolate cookies by accident because I was so down I missed that I left them on the counter. I'm at the vet. I want to leave her here in safe hands and end my life.

I thought about going to the ER but the thought of more doctors sends me into a panic so bad I hyperventilate.

This is ridiculous. I can't believe I'm falling apart like this. I can't believe the medical news and I can't believe what a terrible person my doctor is being.

I tried texting my therapist, but I don't think she's available on the weekends.

I have had to deal with too much crap. Too much.

 

[corvidae]

i'm not very good at what to say...but i'm here, reading and sending support and sitting with you, via these internets.

 

[Rani G2]

No one can ever help me. She then insulted me further in a terribly personal and accurate way.

This is just horrible!!! Sorry, you had to experience this.

Can you ground yourself NOW? What could you do justmehere?

 

[digger]

My dog

Maybe try to bring things back to just focusing on your dog for the time being. Work on just the next five minutes, then the next five minutes, then the next to allow some of the emotion to discharge a little bit.
The other stuff will still be there later - if the medical news isn't something that needs urgent attention, then try to allow yourself some time and space to wait until you've had the opportunity to speak to your T at least.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Oh I'm so sorry @Justmehere what a horrible person this doctor is. First do no harm. Some people just shouldn't be doctors.

Can you call someone? Hotline? Or a friend? Try to stay safe do you have a rainy day letter? This will pass you won't always feel this way. I know it doesn't feel like this right now but it will.

One doctor doesn't mean all doctors. I know you probably already know that but if you need please do go to the ER.

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks everyone. The vet was realky kind. I told her I couldn't think, tough morning, I just need someone to tell me my dog is fine.

The dog is fine. Vet said she could hang on to the dog if I needed to get help. Apparently I look like sh*t. I almost took her up on the offer but it would be too hard to stay alive if I didn't have the dog with me. I won't hurt the dog or leave the dog in an unsafe situation so I said "thank you not not now." She said it was no charge for the vist and come back any time if I need them I o watch the dog, and that she hood my dog could bring me comfort. All I said was that it was tough morning.

I had therapy l yesterday and I wa depressed but not this far gone. Trying to remember I can get back there.

Thanks for the kind and encouraging words. Walking through some cold weather, "a polar vortex," has been a little grounding.

 

[digger]

Trying to remember I can get back there.

You can

Glad your dog is ok and back with you - good choice.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Sounds like you need a new dr. Did she think that if you told her detailed account of your trauma that you'd be miraculously healed???? She sounds like a nut job to demand anything from anyone, nevermind someone with PTSD. Not the way to influence people and make friends!!!!

Glad the dog is ok, and that your a bit more grounded....

 

[Justmehere]

She said it was to help me and she needed to know and I needed to explain and I was crippling her ability to help me with my distrust by refusing to tell her.

So. Yeah. That's stupid. She listed all the doctors she spoke with that said said thinks I'm beyond hope and repair and... omg why would anyone do that?

I'm home and my mind is filled with all the wrong things. Like I get it. I'm beyond hope. I have convinced so many people of this. Now I can't get the basic care I need and it's my fault she made that clear.

It was a terrible idea of mine to go home. I have to get out of here.

 

[scout86]

You're not beyond hope. You & your dog stay safe!

 

[Justmehere]

I called a crisis line. Told them I don't want to live. They kept asking if I had anything unsafe near me and I answered and they kept asking. I kept listing what was unsafe around me.

That was the entire conversation. I dropped the phone in tears and called back and got voicemail. I'm terrible at asking for help.

 

[Justmehere]

Next plan: do laundry. Try to get clean clothes and get out of here to be around people.