Dealing With Nudity And Sexual Content

[AllAtOnce]

I think our society has been incredibly desensitized by the constant exposure to these sexual messages....

Society is so desensitized. Its true.

Sex is so intimate. I dont want to share those intimate things with the stars in Hollywood and I dont want my SO to either.

 

[Casey_03]

exual images make me feel worthless.

When you're a girl, people dont complement you on your accomplishments hardly ever. But they do constantly comment on your appearance. Eventually you become convinced that a woman's value is in her looks/sex appeal and barely any value is placed on her accomplishments.

So since I dont have a perfect body, and there's other perfect bodies everywhere, Im worth nearly nothing

THIS is exactly what you need to be examining more closely, these feelings you have about your own body. Not your SO. This is all about you and it's got nothing to do with him. I was exactly like you, for years, and later figured out i was suffering from body dysmorphic disorder, and hated my own body so much that I couldn't bear the thought of my boyfriend seeing a "normal" body and realizing mine was deformed. It was a deeply unhealthy dynamic, and thankfully I have moved past that now and don't have panic attacks at nudity anymore.


The situation itself -- you having panic attacks when he sees nudity in films -- is codependent. Even if you don't deliberately ask him to not watch nudity, the sheer fact that you suffer panic attacks at nudity is enough to make him feel like he has to not watch movies with nudity, like he has to make sure not to upset you -- and that will make him feel like he's walking on eggshells. I'm not even surprised that he volunteered to not watch nudity for you -- that means he probably really does/did care for you. That's a normal thing to do if you see that a certain stimulus is making someone else suffer. But he probably thought you would take action to fix the problem, or that you would grow out of it once you became more comfortable with him.

 

[Muted]

Eh, he wouldnt look at the poster or even care about it. It would give me anxiety though to see the p...

Survive a hellish marriage over a decade and a half and then tell me that's a lie. When your partner willingly holds your head while your puking your guts out...how beautiful can anyone make that appear?????

Shallow will keep on walking, but a man with brains realizes it's about more than your size of jeans or boobs...

Trust me, if you were the beautiful model on the billboard or actress on TV we'd be having the same conversation because looks fade away, but character only deepens. That model doesn't feel any better about herself because she realizes, she was just born pretty and it's not going to last forever...

 

[Muted]

Certainly your feelings are worth more than the pleasure of seeing the latest release...

 

[AllAtOnce]

THIS is exactly what you need to be examining more closely, these feelings you have about your own bod...

I feel like I could learn a lot from you.

Sorry for the slow reply. Im still processing this.

 

[anthony]

Also, he made a commitment (to not watch movies with SC) and then didnt keep on it. Its upsetting because I had so much hope attached to that commitment he made to me and it turns out "your life matters more than movies" isnt as true as it sounded before.

I have a philosophy about friendships of the opposite sex, and it goes a little like this -- there is no such thing as true friends with the opposite sex when your sexual preference is heterosexual, knowingly or not, one or both want the friendship to be more than just friendship. You can love a friend, and a friendship is the epitome of what one or both may want from a relationship, however, the moment you introduce the complications of romance, cohabitation and such, the original epitome notion is gone, like fantasy.

Put simply: your boyfriend told you what he wanted you to hear as a friend, which does not equate beyond friendship. People tell you things to have sex, which may not accurately reflect who they are, their values, or behaviour.

You were lied to, in essence, the moment you took that information from friendship to relationship. You lied to yourself, thinking that information transposed, and he lied to you, as that information related as a friend, not a spouse.

 

[AllAtOnce]

I have a philosophy about friendships of the opposite sex, and it goes a little like this -- there is no su...

I think what happened is he felt very passionate about showing me that my life matters more than the movies but then, like any resolution, the passion wore off.

Commitment is what people need put in even the original passion wears off. Thats what gets people to reach their goals/resolutions/promises.

But the passion for helping me wore off and he wasnt truely commited to putting my heart before movies.

 

[Tribbleboy]

@AllAtOnce

Sex is so intimate. I dont want to share those intimate things...[/QUOTE]
I went through the same thing. Finally I have someone who does respect my views. I was this way because I was sexually abused and sexual things seemed dirty to me. I feel your pain.

 

[Gs172003]

Thats a little harsh but I appreciate your sincerity.

I never asked him not to. When he learned that...

My husband has given up quite a bit of things that the world deems as necessary (why it is necessary to see sex on tv I will never know) but part of that had to do with a past addiction of his. But he has also given up things that he thought he was supposed to get ( regular sex) in order to be there for me. Are things Still hard on me? Yes. But he loves me. And he wants what's best for me. So he does THAT.

 

[Gs172003]

Eh, he wouldnt look at the poster or even care about it. It would give me anxiety though to see the p...

Honey let me explain something to you. #1... Those women don't look like that. They are photoshopped, airbrushed and makeup artisted to death. Heck that's not even their hair.

#2. Your worth...

If somebody only cares about your damn looks...leave. Trust me. Looks fade. Always. If they are that damn shallow....MOVE ON.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@AllAtOnce Personally, I think what you are asking of your boyfriend is absolutely nuts!!!, there is no way anyone can completely shut out what you are asking! Unless you live in a bubble....

The bigger issue is you and your triggers. By asking someone to give up something that bothers you is selfish IMO! You need to figure out why nudity bothers you, and find ways to deal with it.

 

[AllAtOnce]

My husband has given up quite a bit of things that the world deems as necessary (why it is necessary to...

Your husband sounds incredible.

I dont need my boyfriend to be perfect. I just need to feel like he's on my side and were a team. He gets so offended at my anxiety (even though I make sure Im not directing it at him).