The Albatross
VIP Member
P.S. I guess I define break as like a bone... mendable. Break for me isn't permanent. Fractured, broken, bones mend... course that ties in to direct personal experience with bones mending I suppose.
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View On Overly Positive Individuals
- Post starter Roslie22
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Muttly
Diamond Member
@The Albatross
I'm glad it made you stronger. it definitely can work that way. But I don't know that it works that way for everyone. I have seen people diminish over the years, as they never recovered from something... or a combination of things. And while bones mostly mend, sometimes they don't mend well. sometimes a broken bone can even lead to infection and loss of a limb.
I guess I think about my mom. she broke mentally. I supposed you could say it killed her, but it took thirty increasingly miserable years. she never got stronger.
I'm glad it made you stronger. it definitely can work that way. But I don't know that it works that way for everyone. I have seen people diminish over the years, as they never recovered from something... or a combination of things. And while bones mostly mend, sometimes they don't mend well. sometimes a broken bone can even lead to infection and loss of a limb.
I guess I think about my mom. she broke mentally. I supposed you could say it killed her, but it took thirty increasingly miserable years. she never got stronger.
The Albatross
VIP Member
I'm a stoic. I don't know or care particularly (though it would be nicer) that everything happens for a reason. It is though. It was/It happened.. and it's my job if I want to have a reasonable life to pony up and nix the head trippin' about it. I can just as easily trip myself into life is a bowl full of cherries as I can the other cuz I've had ample evidence through other friends and acquaintances that life isn't necessarily limited to the shit I've had or also that some people actually have it hard but don't even have to deal with the shit. I am a heart beating oxygen breathin' organism... one of like 6 or 7 billion. Nothin particularly special about me... so far as human beings go. The way I figure it, it's odds, and it ain't personal. It may be random, however... it ain't gonna stop me from actualizing a life that I am comfortable/content if not "happy" or joyful (which I somehow doubt but it's not totally outside the realm of impossibility... it could happen maybe) living.
The Albatross
VIP Member
If you've ever run into anything @Muttly that works for everybody, please patent it and put it on the market... however... I don't pitch to the center of the bell curve... I just say what my own experience is.
The Albatross
VIP Member
People can and do get stuck (re your mother)... not just with grief. It doesn't mean there were not opportunities... but it can mean that they can't or won't sieze them. Sometimes for their own reasons. My own mother and my MIL is that way. Stuck, and will likely never get better... never sought treatment... it's been hard for me and my mister to live with as they age frankly.
Muttly
Diamond Member
hahaha, I sure would be reach if I found something that works for everyone.
yes, i's a very hard thing. I'm sorry you have to deal with it
yes, i's a very hard thing. I'm sorry you have to deal with it
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The Albatross
VIP Member
Yeah.. "in stereo" my mom and his mom are both center of the universes and though they have so much in common they don't like each other, go figure, eh? Both only children and they both saw each other as competition rather than blended family til my mister jumped the shark and went out of state with me to tie things up and then follow.
- Post starter
- #32
Hi all!
Finally home now so I can reply properly on PC
@lostforgottensoul, I do tend to expect a more negative thing to happen in a situation like what you're describing (your car), and what's worse is I tend to be right. I remember the day I predicted my temporary illness would turn into a chronic health condition, everyone told me not to jump to conclusions and i should stop feeling negative. But then I was spot on, unfortunately. If I didn't think like how I did, I could have been worse.
Exactly, there is zero reason. I am so sorry about what you had to go through.
I always say that in the end of the day, although we have been considerably affected by these experiences, they will always be "lower" than us, (almost always worse off, whether they believe it or not, like my maternal parent who used to abuse me, has absolutely no life now and is on her own, whereas I am living my life with passion and many genuine people around me, of course not without therapy and self awareness)
Also, time and time made me come through that period of life where I could only see negative, and holding onto that hope that I had as a child. Trust me, things get better, and I didnt believe it at the time, but im glad im still here.
@Fadeaway, I agree with you on every point
. I was just watching this happy-go-lucky youtube vloger recently as she likes to travel, and sometimes she'll give some life advice, things like "if you think positive, you'll attract good energy and good things will happen, you are responsible for everything that happens to you" At this point I was seriously wondering if she meant that or not because I know english isnt her first language. I was kind of baffled, but everyone in the comments was thanking her for her advice. I know a little bit about her upbringing and It seems that she really hasnt been through much.
@Naoru, That's right, I'm very much against (personally) this grand reason from above. Unfortunately through this awareness I think my childhood ended at 10 a bit earlier than it should had. hahah its not that simple sometimes!
@The Albatross, I do appreciate optimism too, but like you I would say im more of a realist. Funnily enough, I know a psychopath who prides himself on being stoic, but I agree with some of those ideas too.
@Fadeaway. I agree with your views on (if we had to experience trauma) which age is better. Theres a vital study called Adversive childhood experiences, I suggest everybody reads up on it and does the questionnaire to see how many you have. As I feared from a young age, I am now chronically ill (non deadly and manageable thank goodness), and have insomnia/racing thoughts. This may not have happened if the trauma did not occur during developmental stages.
It seems like the younger you experience it the worse off. Yes the mind is more elastic at a younger age, but we are also very vulnerable.
" the bulk of my life has been focused on healing and struggling to function from day o day instead of going out and accomplishing things I could have been proud of later on in life, or having memories I could have cherished later on in life"
For my high school years, I was very similar, what helped me through this, was to not take things seriously, even though I felt I was too emotionally mature for my age ( a psychologist analysed me for court and said this), I kind of took advantage of still being in high school and rode with life for a bit. A lot of other kids were happy go lucky, and I ended up being involved in their life and somehow felt like I had it easy too.
I know its hard, but Imagine what happens when you get there? (and you will) I'm sure your achievements will seem sweeter than the others who had it easy. and not to forget too that everyone is going through a journey as well.
@RecedingMoonlight, I do also find that rather baffling, as from a young age I told myself that having those beliefs is just lying to myself, is not helpful, and doesn't face reality and deal with it (and then feel empowered by taking life head on). I see... I agree regarding your explanation. I saw a study saying that religious or spiritual people have higher levels of wellbeing, I guess such thoughts are comforting, but I cant get myself to go with that.
@Ragdoll Circus I see, but I do admire her ability to move on quickly from the bad things she has no control over, I am trying to do this alot, if it wasn't for the fact that one of my triggers is not having control over a helpless situation.. haha...
There is no grater good to abuse in my opinion. However
From multiple mental health professionals, to (good) teachers and friends, they show a lot of admiration for me and tell me that I am more mature, deep and insightful than other people, which makes life richer in meaning. I'm sure you have a grater understanding of certain things in life than the average person. Because you were forced to consider certain things that people don't.
@joeylittle, i've got that admiration too, as long as its not too extreme and illogical in either direction!
"can find some good thing to take out of the bad. I think some of that is a chosen attitude of mine. It gives me the strength and will to keep plugging. One important thing is, finding something good in the bad doesn't mean the bad is negated. It doesn't mean the bad was worth it. I think I'm a more compassionate person to people, because of the abuse I've experienced. I'm not going to say I'm glad I experienced the abuse. I am glad I was able to gain compassion for marginalized and struggling people. Very glad."
EXCELLENT!! :D :D 10/10
and I also agree that what doesnt kill you make you stronger and your reasons as to why. took the words out of my mouth!
my physical health shows this!
Finally home now so I can reply properly on PC
@lostforgottensoul, I do tend to expect a more negative thing to happen in a situation like what you're describing (your car), and what's worse is I tend to be right. I remember the day I predicted my temporary illness would turn into a chronic health condition, everyone told me not to jump to conclusions and i should stop feeling negative. But then I was spot on, unfortunately. If I didn't think like how I did, I could have been worse.
Exactly, there is zero reason. I am so sorry about what you had to go through.
I always say that in the end of the day, although we have been considerably affected by these experiences, they will always be "lower" than us, (almost always worse off, whether they believe it or not, like my maternal parent who used to abuse me, has absolutely no life now and is on her own, whereas I am living my life with passion and many genuine people around me, of course not without therapy and self awareness)
Also, time and time made me come through that period of life where I could only see negative, and holding onto that hope that I had as a child. Trust me, things get better, and I didnt believe it at the time, but im glad im still here.
@Fadeaway, I agree with you on every point
. I was just watching this happy-go-lucky youtube vloger recently as she likes to travel, and sometimes she'll give some life advice, things like "if you think positive, you'll attract good energy and good things will happen, you are responsible for everything that happens to you" At this point I was seriously wondering if she meant that or not because I know english isnt her first language. I was kind of baffled, but everyone in the comments was thanking her for her advice. I know a little bit about her upbringing and It seems that she really hasnt been through much.
@Naoru, That's right, I'm very much against (personally) this grand reason from above. Unfortunately through this awareness I think my childhood ended at 10 a bit earlier than it should had. hahah its not that simple sometimes!
@The Albatross, I do appreciate optimism too, but like you I would say im more of a realist. Funnily enough, I know a psychopath who prides himself on being stoic, but I agree with some of those ideas too.
@Fadeaway. I agree with your views on (if we had to experience trauma) which age is better. Theres a vital study called Adversive childhood experiences, I suggest everybody reads up on it and does the questionnaire to see how many you have. As I feared from a young age, I am now chronically ill (non deadly and manageable thank goodness), and have insomnia/racing thoughts. This may not have happened if the trauma did not occur during developmental stages.
It seems like the younger you experience it the worse off. Yes the mind is more elastic at a younger age, but we are also very vulnerable.
" the bulk of my life has been focused on healing and struggling to function from day o day instead of going out and accomplishing things I could have been proud of later on in life, or having memories I could have cherished later on in life"
For my high school years, I was very similar, what helped me through this, was to not take things seriously, even though I felt I was too emotionally mature for my age ( a psychologist analysed me for court and said this), I kind of took advantage of still being in high school and rode with life for a bit. A lot of other kids were happy go lucky, and I ended up being involved in their life and somehow felt like I had it easy too.
I know its hard, but Imagine what happens when you get there? (and you will) I'm sure your achievements will seem sweeter than the others who had it easy. and not to forget too that everyone is going through a journey as well.
@RecedingMoonlight, I do also find that rather baffling, as from a young age I told myself that having those beliefs is just lying to myself, is not helpful, and doesn't face reality and deal with it (and then feel empowered by taking life head on). I see... I agree regarding your explanation. I saw a study saying that religious or spiritual people have higher levels of wellbeing, I guess such thoughts are comforting, but I cant get myself to go with that.
@Ragdoll Circus I see, but I do admire her ability to move on quickly from the bad things she has no control over, I am trying to do this alot, if it wasn't for the fact that one of my triggers is not having control over a helpless situation.. haha...
There is no grater good to abuse in my opinion. However
From multiple mental health professionals, to (good) teachers and friends, they show a lot of admiration for me and tell me that I am more mature, deep and insightful than other people, which makes life richer in meaning. I'm sure you have a grater understanding of certain things in life than the average person. Because you were forced to consider certain things that people don't.
@joeylittle, i've got that admiration too, as long as its not too extreme and illogical in either direction!
"can find some good thing to take out of the bad. I think some of that is a chosen attitude of mine. It gives me the strength and will to keep plugging. One important thing is, finding something good in the bad doesn't mean the bad is negated. It doesn't mean the bad was worth it. I think I'm a more compassionate person to people, because of the abuse I've experienced. I'm not going to say I'm glad I experienced the abuse. I am glad I was able to gain compassion for marginalized and struggling people. Very glad."
EXCELLENT!! :D :D 10/10
and I also agree that what doesnt kill you make you stronger and your reasons as to why. took the words out of my mouth!
my physical health shows this!
- Post starter
- #34
Yess! that was one way I built my confidence over the years (the second option!)
The Albatross
VIP Member
Hmmm yeah that's pretty funny? "Funnily enough, I know a psychopath who prides himself on being stoic, but I agree with some of those ideas too" thanks?
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