Relationship Is It Common At All For A PTSD Sufferer To Cheat On Their Spouse?

[Stickler]

Staying and taking abuse prevents needed growth in the abuser ( not that it will happen, but even less likely with someone staying...).
It prevents growth in the squashed partner.

A good relationship is more than the sum of its' parts. A bad one causes stasis at best...but quite often misery and destruction.

 

[maxine53]

Hi everyone again. I posted before about my husband and his new girlfriend and wanted to update people o...

Well I am on here because I wanted understand what was going on with others. I have been married to my husband for 17 years, he has suffered with ptsd from Afghanistan and the last 15 months (3 months ago he up and left) have been the worst. he refuses any kind of psychological help and when he used to get it he would come out of the session more angrier than ever. I have just had to realise - yes - he has no emotions - only depression/anxiety/temper and violence outbursts. I believe there are some ppl who can get themselves out of the depths of despair and there are those who cannot. Infidelity - although he did not have relations with this particular girl - he decided he could not live with what he had done anymore and 15months later - he justs says "I don't love you anymore - in fact I don't love anything". I don't believe he will be better off without me as I was his biggest support in life and that scares me that he will not be around in this life for long - hence the ptsd also also reflects on the partner who then has secondary ptsd. I can honestly say I am suffering immensely myself and at nearly 54 - just built a new home 17 months ago and now having to sell and give up my husband and home is really traumatic. we do not get financial help in our country in Aus as much as our Veterans' do - its most unfortunate that we are the "collateral damage" so to speak and the unspoken heroes of looking after our partners to just get abandoned. now I have no skills for work - too old in our country for someone to even take a 2nd look at me while he has an awesome income and just spends spends spends. when the home is sold I will never be able to buy another home as I cannot afford one alone. after being married 3 times already - he was my "soul mate" - then once he enlisted things had a slow process of going downhill and then the war - absolutely crucified our marriage. I know I have to completely let go - but there is no off button of love after 17 years - and this last 3 months alone in a big house, the man's work I have to do cause its up for sale is rather debilitating on my "getting older body". I am desperately trying to see a light at the end of the tunnel - hopefully it will come soon - as I have been so isolated living on an island - no friends - all family passed away - talk about post traumatic stress disorder - I know I am suffering with it myself - but.... have to try each day to keep my head up - be careful of the emotional abuse - sounds like you are getting it as much as I still am at present - it will destroy your soul. my kind advise to you

 

[maxine53]

You also have to make sure you don't use PTSD to excuse bad behavior. That is common with supporters,...

- yes I agree - I fell into that doormat - which I described as being a "stepford wife" - always complying - now its over with after 7 years - and I just have to push myself towards a better life out there

 

[Stickler]

Yup. PTSD, DID-NOS, bipolar 2...I hit the crazee jackpot! Whee!
It's not an excuse.
Reminds me, I am feeling better, gotta call mom.

 

[lilliebetz]

I know this thread is fairly old but I wanted to post for zazazawa bc I can relate in a way. My husban...

I have been going through similar problems and this is the first time I've actually searched if cheating is one of the results of PTSD. I have so may questions and I'm open to any and all advice.

 

[Stephanie1974]

For those posting how someone with ptsd had an affair are just cheaters is a slap in the face. I have ptsd from ongoing sexual abuse and it HAS caused me to cheat. If you have ptsd with childhood sexual abuse, promiscuity is a symptom so shut your mouths. When I slept with another man, it was the first time in 18 years my husband and I were together. There was a trigger years later. It started and stopped like a movie. It started then it was over like going to the store to get groceries. I have deep issues relating to sex that messed up my head from when I was about 7 years old. By people commenting on this that don't have ptsd go learn more. Your doing damage for those that have it and are trying to heal from sex abuse with ptsd. I never wanted to hurt him and feel horrible, I feel like a monster. I also was so deep in a flashback disassociation took over. I was in a numb zoned out zombie space where it happened for a month then it was over. Now I am left wondering what happened and so is my husband. I have been in therapy on and off my whole life, I will be 43 and never experienced anything like this before. I love my husband and am so strongly against cheating that somehow I ended up on the opposite end of the spectrum. I know people on here are hurt because their spouses cheated but ptsd depending on what caused it can cause affairs so stop the cold judgement. We, ptsd sufferers feel pain, multiple times a day and our spouses are aware. Judging when YOU don't have ptsd to someone that does creates more pain for ptsd sufferer. Yes I feel horrible for the spouse that was cheated on, BUT as a ptsd sufferer myself, and not meaning to sound selfish, I still have to focus on myself and get better even with the slip ups. It is hard for me to be there for my husband and have even thought about divorcing him because of the damage. But, being a ptsd sufferer, that is a flight and fear response and I want to be here to help him get through his suffering. If I can't or he chooses divorce, then I need to let him go so he can find someone healthier.

 

[Sweetpea76]

There is a difference between a symptom and a coping mechanism. You have a choice as to whether or not you're going to cheat on your partner.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

For those posting how someone with ptsd had an affair are just cheaters is a slap in the face. I have ptsd from ongoing sexual abuse and it HAS caused me to cheat. If you have ptsd with childhood sexual abuse, promiscuity is a symptom so shut your mouths.

Ummmm, no.

I am OVERLY promiscuious. I normally seek out several men a week and "even better" a night. It isn't healthy but just wanted to give you a picture. I am not married and I do not have a boyfriend. When I did have a boyfriend, I stopped it all 100% in its track. All of that energy was put into him. Poor guy had a hard time keeping up with me but cheating NEVER crossed my mind.

You cause you to cheat. Not PTSD and not trauma. You and only you are responsible for your behaviors.

 

[connie_22]

This is the best information I have ever read regarding why some PTSD people cheat.

Be assured! - It's not excusing their behavior or giving anyone the right to be unfaithful.

When I found this information I was and am still astounded how it fit my husbands behavior to a tee. My husband was permanently injured in a terrible accident that changed his life forever overnight. As we treated his body no one thought to treat his mind. Every one just assumed he should be grateful to be alive. But he wasn't and he was in hell. I'll never know how he did it, but for years he hid his PTSD. He behaved normal on the outside, but inside his thoughts were everything PSTD. Bitterness ate his sense of love and he acted out to escape his worthlessness.

It's been 15 months of hell trying to understand how he could had step so out of character and do something that went against his own moral value. Every encounter of infidelity increased his self hatred and in the end he became suicidal (all unknown to me at the time).

Infidelity is part of a path some PTSD sufferers are on to death. Isolate. Destroy all that's good around them. Be worthless and unloveable. Die.

Google :
PTSD Spirituality: PTSD Damages Love, Increases Porn and Infidelity