Cutting Ties With Toxic Family

[ms spock]

Actually, to solve your isolation and loneliness problem, you join support groups or seek counseling to help you cope with the situation.

This can be problematic, you can join groups with people just as emotionally dsyregulated as yourself, and your family, and that actually brings more problems in to your life. Finding a hobby, and keeping away from the crazy people can be a really good idea. Doing something other than being in the mentally ill group, can be most productive.

My psychiatrist doesn't want me to hang around support groups, she says to get well, you have to be around people who are being productive in their lives, and you won't learn how to have a healthier life and boundaries, until you get out there and practice, practice, practice and practice!

Also, most importantly, you have retrain your brain and emotions to help you compensate for the necessary loss of your family.

I have found this to be a really tough gig! I have struggled with this for over thirty years. It is not for the fainthearted.

You have to believe in yourself and what you are doing is the best for you emotionally, psychologically and physically.

I was trained from a very, very, very young age to never believe in myself, or trust myself. That pervasive traumatic attacks, and abuses have left a really heavy burden on me. I was taught never to check in with myself, how to feel my feelings, how to know what I was thinking, how not to freeze or fawn. I was particularly set up for fawning. You tuned into the evil parents, and you said what you thought that they wanted to hear, and if it wasn't want they wanted to hear, you changed what you were saying and thinking quick smart. And sometimes it didn't matter if you did say what they wanted to hear, they just continuously changed the goal posts, and screwed with your head for the sense of power from it.

Look at this way: you have a peace of mind that you couldn't possibly have around toxic family members

But there is no peace of mind - to being outcast/thrown out/cut off/distanced from - for some of us - living with the ambiguity is the best that it gets. I so struggle with this.

I so relate to the picture that you paint @awake02! That is SO my family!

 

[IamFree]

I have been through a period of no contact with my family . just lately I have been adopting a not to out of it not to in it approach meaning I am having some occasional contact by phone and will arrange some day trips (no more family holidays for gods sake lol ) . I found being cut of absolutely a bit anxiety provoking as I just felt like its impossible to pretend they do not exist and it was just avoidance on my part and dad is old and sick now so at least it may be easier when he dies, . Although I think every case has to be judged on its own terms. For me its been a process of learning how to accept who they are and what they do which is to just deny ,get angry, avoid, and blame others as a coping mechanism and that They can not be what I want them to be and vice versa. I still have to learn how to get my own needs met now and I am still committed to creating a drama free life for my self that does not involve them, its not easy its very greif inspiring but it least that's something I can work through instead of being in a state of painful non acceptance of the situation.

 

[IamFree]

This can be problematic, you can join groups with people just as emotionally dsyregulated as...

yes support groups is a double edged sort they can be a valuable resource but yes it can be a lot of very messed up people in one place as well and I think its unhealthy to get to enmeshed with it all . I do not see them anymore as places to make friends ..its nice if you do but you need to be careful as I know from experience there are many abusive characters in these places its not there fault there just in a bigger mess than you are I know because u have been in that place. I just use them to go and pick up some tools I can use in the real world.

 

[ms spock]

I am still committed to creating a drama free life for my self that does not involve them, it's not easy it's very grief inspiring but it least that's something I can work through instead of being in a state of painful non acceptance of the situation.

This!

This I am heading towards/doing some days more and more!