What Does Dissociation Feel Like?

[reallydown]

I also have times when I may look at my limbs, for example, and it just doesn't register that that's me...if that makes sense...

 

[ningamer]

What I've experienced:

-Spacing out/trance state/going on autopilot
-Having no emotion at all
-Seeing everything as nothing
-Trouble understanding language and writing
-Complete body numbness
-Imagination, dreams, thoughts, and reality all merging (can't tell whether you did something or dreamt/thought you did)
-Things look fuzzy, far away, close up, cartoony
-Seeing something small as the entire world (ex: looking at a fork, and thinking the fork is the only thing that exists. The fork IS the world) or visa versa
-My head is floating, while my body exists 7 or 8 feet below
-Choppy vision
-Multiple personalities/fugue state (temporarily)
-Audio hallucinations

 

[Jagged Angel]

I relate to most of what everyone else has said.

I don't really know what it's like to be 'grounded', as I am dissociated most of the time, but in my worst moments, I would say it is like I am some symbiotic alien who has taken over a human's body for a while, and I am studying earthlings.

How do I know it is happening? I don't know when it will start, I will just discover myself on the other side of myself (odd expression, I know, but the best way to describe it!).

I understand that dissociation disturbs a lot of people, but I tend to find it helpful sometimes - creatively especially. I have done the most amazing artwork when dissociated, and written some great works... and then wondered if I did them at all... and I really do play Sonic the Hedgehog much faster when dissociated :)

 

[LoveWins]

The times I'm dissociating the strongest, everything looks flat and colours are faded. I feel like I am very far away, looking at a painting from a distance. There's no "me", just things happening in the picture

Other times I just zone out, forget where I am, forget what's happening or everything just rushes past me and I have no idea how to respond

Basically I numb completely and it feels kind of like I'm not really living

 

[Keenbean]

I also have times when I may look at my limbs, for example, and it just doesn't register that that's me...if that makes sense...

Hey reallydown, that makes perfect sense to me...my therapist tells me that when I am dissociated I often put my hands up in front of my face and open and close them, 'staring at them as though I've never seen hands before'. I'm not sure what's going through my head at the time but apparently I do it a lot....

 

[Healing Survivor]

I've Been Thinking...

About this a lot this week. I think I used to dissociate a lot more than I do now. But I've been in therapy for several years and feel like I've dealt with the initial shock of trauma.

That being said, I think more of what I've been doing could be described as "disconnectedness." All of your explanations were very helpful, so thank you in assisting me with figuring this out.

I think the way I would described disconnectedness is not knowing how I feel about anything. Not really knowing who I am, does that make sense? Kind of just blending in with whatever's around me. I don't know, even now I'm having a difficult time explaining this. But does anyone know what I mean/identify with this?

Thank you all...

 

[Lisa]

Hey reallydown, that makes perfect sense to me...my therapist tells me that when I am dissociated I often put my hands up in front of my face and open and close them, 'staring at them as though I've never seen hands before'. I'm not sure what's going through my head at the time but apparently I do it a lot....

Me too! Sometimes I get a bit of a surprise for some reason. I sort of know it's not right but kind of go "Oh... Is that my legs?". As if it's questionable. I think it's related to numbness. If you can't feel yourself, how do you know it's you??

Or am I loopy loo? LOL

 

[Keenbean]

Haha, I am just relieved that it's not just me! I guess it's just about feeling disconnected from yourself. Like hearing your voice and it not sounding like yourself, I guess it's possible to see bits of yourself and because you can't feel anything you're not sure if they belong to you either. Maybe that's why I open and close my hands in front of my eyes (as my therapist says I do)...to see if I really am in control of them...who knows?! It's a strange one!

 

[anon222]

For me, I can't always tell when I'm disassociating when it's happening. But later if I look back on an event, I remember the event from a vantage point that is somewhere above me and usually behind me, looking down on the scene, like watching a play from a balcony. I don't remember the experience as if I was in my body. I have other memories where I remember them as if I am in my body and "in the scene". Those are the times I didn't disassociate-- I'm seeing what happened through my own eyes and senses.

 

[RosieNorth]

The worst of dissociation I've experienced is when I feel not real and no matter how hard I try I can't get back to reality. For a while I was imprisoned behind a wall of glass from where I could see everything but feel nothing.

 

[Akita]

To me, dissociation doesn't really feel like anything, most of the time anyways...

 

[Seychelle]

Dissociation happens to me in varying degrees. At the moment, it's my head being full of grey fog. I'm here but thinking is very blurry and I'm quite detached from any emotional reaction be it positive or negative.

I've had it much worse when I'm not entirely sure who I am, where I am, how old I am, complete inability to speak etc.

Facing up to whatever emotional trigger has caused it can sometimes be enough for me to get out of that state.