Dan,
The cool thing about group, is that you get instant feedback from guys that have been through what you're going through and how they responded to it. I've learned so much from others on how to cope. The group I'm in now is not any where near as good as my first group, but I'm working hard on making this one better. As I have said before, there are a number in our group that I'm suspicious of.
Almost half are all members of the same VFW, they party, socialize, they do way too many things that are in-congruent with severe PTSD. I can't help but think they are there just to pad their retirement. They didn't see a shrink, or go to a group meeting until after they retired. O.K., let's talk of "delayed onset". You can't tell me that a man can have PTSD for forty years without showing some sort of manifestation of it.
Yes, we can "hide" many aspects of it, but there had to be some signs...heavy alcohol abuse, or drugs, arrest record, spotty job history, something to suggest something is wrong. These guys had steady careers, no arrest records and are active, productive members of their community.
Try to separate out the "questionable" members from those that are confirmed by a diagnosis and stick with them. Just like that damn Rubic's cube, there are ways to help yourself you might not have thought of and they have an answer for and you'll be helped immensely.
Don't ever give up.
Sarg