Another Flare Up

[Wilderness medic]

I appreciate your advice but the last appointment at th va took I think 13 months? Told them I needed care NOW. They wouldn't even make an appointment. Doesn't help I'm only available on Fridays until I finish my internship (pretty much done just filling up the last hours)

The only thing I've experienced as far as a sign was when I most blew up a bit ago and my dog darted across the room and laid her head on me looking in my eyes. Just enough to make me pause and break the trance. It was like a rocket engine starting up hitting the throttle and then sputtering out. From a 5 month old puppy with no training.
FYI she hasn't done this since sadly.

 

[dutchiedelta]

Getting help is hard. I'm on a waitinglist a year and a half long.
Muddling though and knowing a forum like this is keeping me afloat for now.

Good dog you have there. Seems to be willing to work with you and protect you.

Maybe for the time being take a course with dog to teach her to be a help dog?
Just thinking along lad :)

 

[atilla]

Brother, I was with the 101st 2-187 RCT "Rakkasan" in iraq '90-'91( by the way-Pukin Buzzards...Whooooah!..lol). 1st of all,No one, unless they were serving with you in Iraq, including your wife, or civilian friends, have any right to judge whether or not you have ptsd. I experience the same thing with the rage. It's been really rough for a long time. I've finally just started to get a grip on it, and my wife has helped me the most by being able to identify when a "fecal gail" is about to let loose. And, these episodes of mine are usually the result of some simple little task that goes titts-up for some reason or other (dropped an entire beefroast the other night in the floor). I believe the reason I get so enraged is that we, as soldiers, were trained to do many tasks. We were trained to do it right the first time, because a screw up in our line of work could result us or our buddies getting waxed. My fantastic wife comes up to me after I dropped the roast and says. "it's just a potroast, we can get another one". An egg is just an egg brother. I try to just walk away from everybody when i feel the rage boiling up inside me. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. My wife knows when i walk out of the house after something like this, that i'm trying to work out the rage. Trying to get out of a target-rich environment if you will. Granted i don't want to punch anymore holes in my walls, or yell at the first person i see about me dropping the potroast. Baby steps brother. Ths site has made a big difference in the way i see my ptsd. Recognize it for what it is, Once YOU start to understand some of things happening to you, then maybe your wife and other civilian friends will kind of get it. Until then, work on YOU. We try to help each other here on this site the best way we know how...sharing our stories of "The Beast", has helped me identify some of my triggers and why they are triggers. Stay strong Bro. you're not alone!

 

[Deleted member 43454]

I appreciate your advice but the last appointment at th va took I think 13 months? Told them I needed care NOW. They wouldn't even make an appointment.

Welcome to the forum.
It sucks ass but I've found myself in that emergency room a few times when shit was real difficult and I wasn't getting any sort of assistance for a year or so. It got to the point where I was asked if I could make it 3 days to the next appointment and I just started f*ckin crying. I thought I could handle all the shit on my own. I'd make a route through it. I only ended up making things worse before getting some sort of help man.

 

[Wilderness medic]

Fecal Gail LOL.

Thanks. Does make sense, a lot of times when in all down I do bitch about how can I screw up something so simple... Screwing up tasks are not allowed...

Glad to hear that your wife can help you like that. Sadly when someone approaches me like that I tend to scream and take it out at them. It would probably go something Like f*ck you of course it's only an egg so why couldn't I hold onto the ucking thing!!!

I hope most of this is just the result of stress from getting denied two volunteer positions I was overqualified for compounded by walking the razors edge on my paramedic license being around dirtbags in the field. Although it did seen to start before then

 

[Wilderness medic]

Welcome to the forum.
It sucks ass but I've found myself in that emergency room a few times when shit was real difficult and I wasn't getting any sort of assistance for a year or so. It got to the point where I was asked if I could make it 3 days to the next appointment and I just started f*ckin crying. I thought I could handle all the shit on my own. I'd make a route through it. I only ended up making things worse before getting some sort of help man.

I too have found myself there for an emergency shot of diazepam. Unfortunately if I ever want a normal life and job I can't have that shit on record recently. No more psych meds and really shouldn't even have therapy but right now I might try once more

 

[dutchiedelta]

I too have found myself there for an emergency shot of diazepam. Unfortunately if I ever want a normal life and job I can't have that shit on record recently. No more psych meds and really shouldn't even have therapy but right now I might try once more

Just a reality check here so don't bite my head off please.
You don't want shit like diazepam on your record in order to have a normal life.
matey, there's good news and there's bad news.
if you want a life pretty similar to normal you might get into a situation where your survival depends on that shot of diazepam.
I don't know the laws in the USA but overhere it wouldn't be a problem.

so you have PTSD which means you can't get a weapon permit.
Other than that, it's illegal for an employer to ask medical questions to anyone applying for a job.

Is it the same overthere?

 

[Wilderness medic]

As far as I know president dick head hasn't made it impossible for ptsd vets to get weapons. Yet.

I tried to get my ambulance license and was denied because of diazepam prescription I didn't even take anymore. Rare emergencies, and it had been months. The career field is strict and I don't blame them. No one wants someone driving an ambulance code 3 through an area with their children play on a sedative

 

[Deleted member 43454]

so you have PTSD which means you can't get a weapon permit.
Other than that, it's illegal for an employer to ask medical questions to anyone applying for a job.

Is it the same overthere?

I don't believe PTSD disqualifies you from getting a weapon permit yet... I'm not sure definitely not in all states.
The medical questions and what not is the same. But what they (some employers) do is tell you things like, "Although your resume is impressive...blah blah.) Or it goes up to corporate and they give you no explanation as to why the manager said you were good, but corporate said nay.

 

[Wilderness medic]

And I'm guessing no because even for volunteer positions I get asked medical questions. Fire departments have a psyche Test that frequently involve polygraphs, hundreds of questions, many designed to trip you up. And have to make sure you don't get on a job with prexisting medical issues.

 

[dutchiedelta]

DrBlack, I know a few female vets in their state can't get a permit. Same here.

Sorry of any medical stuff goes into a work related file.

Still, if it's a matter if survival or the looney bin permanently, I'd take any kind of help. But that's me and easy to say cos our situation is different.

 

[atilla]

Still able to have a concealed deadly weapon liscense in Kentucky, even with ptsd. They just look at you closer and talk a little bit nicer to ya..lol