Relationship Help me understand

[lostforgottensoul]

I know it is hard for you Americans to understand

No its not. I have an implant drug infusion pump so I also have a pain Dr I see regularly, an MD I see regularly, and a therapist I see regularly and the most appointments I have is 2, maybe 3 at most, a week. 2 a day is insane! Free or not!

 

[Deleted member 43988]

No its not. I have an implant drug infusion pump so I also have a pain Dr I see regularly, a...

I think I have misjudged this forum, I thought it would have empathetic and supporting members, alas I was wrong, and if I could delete this thread I would, I did not come here to be attacked from all sides. Good luck to all of you in the future. Have a nice day.

 

[scout86]

I'm sorry that people are coming off as sounding unsupportive.

I said what I said because I've been lied to by people who were amazingly good at it and that's the first place I tend to go. There are a lot of other people here with similar experiences. I think you'll find, if you decide to stick with it, that there are a lot of people here who are willing and able to give you good ideas. It's just that, apparently, concern that you might be being lied to, and taken advantage of, came to a lot of minds as the first priority. So what you're hearing isn't intended to be judgemental as much as it's an expression of concern, I think. Maybe we should have taken more time to find out how experienced and sophisticated you are before we went to the "He could be lying!" place.

To answer your original question, a little, part of what you've experienced here is reactions through the filter of PTSD. Your brain can tend to see danger in places other people don't see it. Sometimes it's there. Sometimes it's not. There's WAY more to it than that and there are a lot of individual differences. There are a lot of good articles here, with good information, and I'm sure you'll find threads that remind you of your situation. I hope you'll at least take advantage of that, even if you decide not to engage with the community.

 

[Deleted member 43988]

I'm sorry that people are coming off as sounding unsupportive.

I said what I said because I've been l...

Thank you for your kind reply, but if you look at it, and as you also concluded, I asked for help in understanding and how I could best support my big guy. Not a debate as to the amount of therapy he has or how many health proffesionals are involved, the debate was run off track, even before it started, so the debate ended up being about the feasibility of a detail I had tried to paint in a picture, in order to show the severity of his situation, and straight away, I and my big guy, are put on the stand and interrogated. That is not the way to treat a new members asking for help, unless you have no wish for new members. I understand that many here have had their share of deceit, traumas and negative experiencies, but again I am no spring chicken, I too have had my nose against the wind, maybe not as bad as most people in here, but I suffer from anxiety, stress, depression and at times, I have no lust for life.

I am amazed not to see more empathy, and less prejudice. Just because someone has been mean and lied, cheaten against you, does not mean that we will all do that. I value my integrity highly, and if I or my guy are in any way attacked, I will react like a tigress, protecting her cubs.

I wish you a very good night.

 

[Sweetpea76]

This is a public forum on the internet, so you'll get a variety of responses @Annlil. The best thing to do is take what you need and leave the rest.

People here tend to be pretty supportive, and I think concern for YOU first in this case is shining through. You're more focused on him and feel the need to defend your sweetheart, which probably makes you feel attacked. From your description, people see an unusual amount of therapy for PTSD, and are telling you that something sounds fishy. That seems to be out of concern rather than something malicious. Some people are just more blunt than others.

As far as supporting somebody with PTSD goes, isolation is a common coping mechanism. It really has nothing to do with you, it's about stress levels and the way he is managing them. Think of PTSD as a broken stress response. If you haven't read the PTSD Cup explanation here, that's an excellent description. He may need the quiet time as a kind of "reset." As much as it upsets you and worries you, you can't take it personally. It's part of the illness. If you get upset, then he has to deal with the added stress of upsetting you. That exacerbates the situation.

Part of learning to be a good supporter is learning to deal with that. It's hard not to take it personally, and some people can never really get past that. That could be a major factor in your relationship. If you can manage, it is totally possible to have a good relationship with a sufferer, if you cannot, then a PTSD relationship may not be the healthiest for you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

From your description, people see an unusual amount of therapy for PTSD, and are telling you that something sounds fishy. That seems to be out of concern rather than something malicious.

Indeed. I've been lied to online and found some real "crazies". I found them out of both my need for love and my need to be loved. My concern @Annlil is if you are making PTSD up and know nothing about it, the more the therapy the better it sounds. I have heard of NO ONE seeing any doctor twice a day, at least one in outpatient. That sounds SUPER fishy. And if you are swiddled online this much, where questioning HIM feels like an attack on YOU, you could be manipulated into a lot and as a cult survivuor, that sort of hold raises all red flags in my head. Maybe that is just me due to my background. I don't know but all the red flags are going off.

As to isolation, it seems all of us sufferers tend to isolate. I do at least. When my stress cup is overfilling, I withdrawl completely and the more people try to connect the more I withdrawl.

The Ptsd Cup Explanation

I see that this connection is already unhealthy, in my opinion. So maybe find some you things outside of relationship things. Hobbies and friends. Things you do without him. Start doing some of those things and just leave him alone for a while until he can come up for air. You can be there for him when he does but seperate things that are just yours is healthy in any relationship. What do you like doing that are just yours?

 

[ms spock]

The psychiatrist had told me, he makes no diagnosis's, only 'talk-therapy', which meant me sitting talking about this and that, just to fill the silence, I got the impression he was half asleep most of the time, this was confirmed, as I once asked into something I had just said, and he asked me to repeat it, as he had not heard it. But previous to that, I had several times wondered if he was at all present in the moment.

Can you start looking around for someone a bit more appropriate, and perhaps, present in the room?

 

[Deleted member 43988]

@Disco Dancing Queen,

Thank you so much for your response, that is exactly what I am doing, the closest one to me is 70 km away, as I live in the very outskirts of Denmark, I have spoken to him, and his response was, that he would take me, but he thought I should talk to / confront my present psychiatrist first, as I have psychological problems myself, it is not something I feel up to. So I will talk to my family doctor next week.

@Sweetpea76 & lostforgottensoul,

I am sorry to say this, but how stupid do you take me for, but do keep on the attacks from yesterday. I am a Journalist & writer, I am used to look through the facade of people, and for many years, I lived in a household with no less than two psychologists (one of them a criminal profiler with FBI - Brazil), guess what our main subject of conversation was - right - Psychology! As well I am the daughter of a sexologist, guess what we talked about? And I worked as editor for the Nordic Society for Sexology. My insight into psychologi, is probably greater than that of most laymen.

Personally I do not trust anyone, and that includes people here, I have too many bad experiences to be gullible, and I find your comments, just continues the insults from yesterday.

You call my relationship with my guy unhealthy, how dare you?
I did not get a variety of responses, I got the same suspicion from everyone.
And in spite of me, time and time again, writing that he is not lying, that I know him, his mum, his sister, his niece, his friends, I know where he works, and what he has been through, hell, he has the scars to prove it. And still suspicion!

Finally, try to listen, he has more issues than 'just' PTSD, which means he also has more different kinds of treatment, and he himself pushed for more treatment, because he wants to get better asap. What about answering what is actually being asked, and not what is not being asked and even irrelevant to the subject matter at hand? Or is the need for drama so intense in the members here, that you have to create it?

How can you as laymen, sit and give advice of the kind you do? What qualifies you to do that. It was quite hard for me to come here at all, and write about deeply personal matters, and suddenly I have a whole army of 'experts' giving advice, where it was neither needed nor wanted. And what I truly asked about was ignored. People like you, who have been members for a long time, aught to know better. And you are walking a thin line, where you may end up doing more harm than good, you are judging, on far less information and insight than any healthcare professional would even dare to attempt. I truly thought this was a forum where I could find support and understanding, but alas, it does not seem so.

I would like to have this thread completely removed from the forum, I expect you can take care of that Sweetpea76, and after that, I will leave the forum again. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 43988]

@Disco Dancing Queen,

Thank you so much for your response, that is exactly what I am...

Ticket to helpdesk created in the hope of having this entire thread removed.

 

[ms spock]

That is unlikely to happen @Annlil, just because of the sheer volume of posts we have on the forum - the moderators are unpaid - and if they removed a thread every time a poster doesn't want it there anymore, the whole forum may cease to exist.

 

[Deleted member 43988]

That is unlikely to happen @Annlil, just because of the sheer volume of p...

Then I hope, they can at least advice me, how I may delete my own comments, or how I edit them, thank you again for your answers.

What happens if I click the report button on my own comments? Do I get a choice of reason why I report, and could I maybe have my comments deleted that way?

 

[Deleted member 43988]

Question to all you witch hunters, do you think yourself omnipotent? Have you ever thought that there might be things happening in the world, you do not know anything about? Just because you have not heard about something, does not mean it has not happened or excists.

@Sweetpea76 how can you be a moderator? You do not seem to have neither the skills for it, nor the sufficient diplomacy. (Just my opinion)