Childhood Feel weird when see men around children

[Scott88]

I'm new to T due to childhood things.. but one of the things that is getting worse is every time I am with my OH and we walk past any girls/ I feel very weird or if I see men around girls I just get so angry and feel sick and panicky and disgusted and all these horrible thoughts in my head that they are looking at them In a sexual way and want to hurt them, I get angry to my OH and twice recently I have snapped asking him why are you looking at them and he wasn't and he doesn't have a clue what I'm on about. I try not to have these thoughts but it makes me feel absolutely awful has anybody else experienced this :-(?

 

[Sideways]

Absolutely I've had those thoughts. And they can go some pretty disturbing places if I let my head go.

But they are just thoughts. It makes sense to be having these thoughts given your history, yeah? If you'd had someone break into your car, you'd probably spend quite a while being suspicious of anyone looking at your car.

So, the thoughts make sense, and actually they're just thoughts. They aren't a problem just being there, the only problem is if you decide that you're going to act on them inappropriately.

One of the things about thoughts is when we 'try not to have' a particular thought: for example, if I tell you not to think of a chocolate cake. No, stop, stop thinking lf chocolate cake. You mustn't think of chocolate cake. Thinking of chocolate cake is bad, stop it...

By actively trying to stop the thoughts, our head is encouraged to have those thoughts even more. And worse still, trying to stop them (rather than the content of the thought) is what becomes really distressing.

So, what would happen for you if next time you had these thoughts, instead of trying to stop them, you simply acknowledged them. No big deal. There's those thoughts about guys looking at kids again. Know where they come from. Know why they're in my head. Makes sense. But I'm not gonna act on them, so thanks brain, next thought....

 

[Scott88]

Absolutely I've had those thoughts. And they can go some pretty disturbing places if I let my h...

Thank you so much for replying. You don't understand how much that means to me to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts. I'm not glad you have them don't read that the wrong way I just mean im glad I'ts not just me... (hope you understand what I mean...)

Do you still get the thoughts and can you just do that and aknowledge them? I don't know if I could do that they cause me so much disterbance. they make me feel physically horrendous. Along with so many other images / fake memories / memories / old dreams whatever everything is going around in my head at the minute..

I really appriciate your advice and I will certainly take it on board and really try

 

[Sideways]

they make me feel physically horrendous.

Do you know where this comes from?

For example, some people get brought up being taught that evil thoughts make a person evil or impure (in which case, there's a core belief there that you could tackle). Or perhaps noticing that men are looking at kids causes you emotional flashbacks of your own abuse (in which case processing your own trauma could help).

Because for me? The thoughts gradually occur less and less when I repeatedly remind myself, "There's those thoughts again, but I'm not worried about them being there".

There's 2 steps: first deciding that the thoughts themselves are neither good nor bad, they're just thoughts. Second, acknowledging they're there when they pop up and gently reminding yourself that thoughts are just thoughts.

Because unless you act on the thoughts, they really are nothing more than one of the billions of thoughts that fly through our head each day. We don't actually have a lot of control over what thoughts we have, and often? Our brain can go some pretty weird places. The thoughts only stick around and become significant if we're attaching some significance or behaviour to them.

If the fact that you can think these thoughts is distressing you, like "This says something bad about my character", maybe delve into where that judgment is coming from. Why are you judging yourself based on what are just thoughts? Where did that habit come from? Is it reasonable to judge yourself like your own private Thought Police, especially given your history?

Because looked at from where I'm standing, what you're saying is "I get concerned about the safety of kids easily". That's hardly a bad thing. And it's pretty understandable. The more important issue seems to be why you're judging yourself negatively in a situation that needs no judging (or justification) at all... And that is definitely something you could work through with your T, potentially resolving a much bigger issue than this one. Which would be awesome!

 

[Scott88]

Do you know where this comes from?

For example, some people get brought up being taught that ev...

Yes I do know where it all has come from, but it has got extremely worse since having my child a year ago. I'm working with my T and we tried EMDR but it made me worse, I feel like I have failed and not going to get better. I am having so much more thoughts/ fake memories / memories come up what happened to me and I don't know what is true or what my heads making up.

Your reply is really helpful and I will definatly try that next time I have them spesific thoughts

 

[Tommy5677]

I'm new to T due to childhood things.. but one of the things that is getting worse is every time I am w...

You're experiencing intrusive thoughts and hypervigilence, hallmarks of PTSD. What kind of help have you had in the past?

Yes I do know where it all has come from, but it has got extremely worse since having my child a year a...

. EMDR is a great tool but there is always the possibility of abnormal reaction. I would also recommend energy psychology techniques like EFT & BSFF. You can also try HFBLU OR healing from the body level up. Some of them you can do on yourself with teaching from your therapist. Not all things work for all people. Keep moving until you find the one that works for you. Best to you.

 

[Scott88]

You're experiencing intrusive thoughts and hypervigilence, hallmarks of PTSD. What kind of help have you had in the...

This is my first time in therapy I havnt been doing it that long tbh. And I am on medication. I had abit of councelling years ago when I was a child but that's it.

What is hypervigience if you don't mind explaining

Regards

. EMDR is a great tool but there is always the possibility of abnormal reaction. I would also recommend energy psych...

I will have a google of what them techniques are thank you very much I appriciate it so much

 

[Neverthesame]

What is hypervigience if you don't mind explaining

A persistent sense of being on alert to danger, even when you are cognitively aware that there is no danger present.

 

[Stills]

Thank you for posting this. You are definitely not alone!!!!

 

[Stills]

When I first recovered memories, I was working as a camp counsellor with children, and oh man it was tough. One guy in particular really triggered me maybe cause he was tall and my abuser also was tall...I don't know but the first day on the job I freaked out at him cause he had the kids sitting on his lap, just completely freaked me out. I was freaked out by him the entire time while I was at that job. It was weird. I think especially if it was child on child, but really any child abuse at all. I also like kids generally, but it's difficult because I feel like I don't know how to act around them at times and if I am connected, like nice, sweet and touchy with them, I scare myself to death and start to think I'm turning into a pedo and my heart starts pounding and I feel like an awful, terrible person. I think that not everyone thinks this way, and it's understandable that these thoughts cross our minds. I truly wish they didn't.

 

[Stills]

And I see other people so willingly stating how much they love kids, and it's like well I'm not allowed to express any feelings towards them and it's sad that we've been conditioned to think this way, and what doesn't help is that a lot of people think all those who have been abused have the potential to hurt kids as well, like that saddens me and confuses me as well because then I start to judge and doubt myself. So thank you for sharing this because I've been feeling like this recently and I hate it.

 

[Sideways]

Being emotionally a little fragile around kids? Makes sooooo much sense. And when you know about the worst kinds of things that adults can do to kids? And how damaging that is? It's no wonder our mind goes a little wired and weird. It's kind of a wonder we can keep it together at all.

It's okay. These are normal thoughts given our own personal experience of life. Cut short? Kids are a trigger. That's normal. It's not pleasant, but it's normal.

You've experienced trauma. Try and cut your brain a break for going a little haywire sometimes, especially when it's confronted by kids, which are kind of the ultimate trigger.

You will get past it. Time and healing, and being able to remind yourself, "These thoughts are normal, I don't need to worry about them." If you can do that? Your brain will gradually learn to relax around kids. It will slowly learn to listen to you when you tell it, "Hey brain, I get why you're throwing these thoughts at me, but actually things are okay,":)