Name that distorted cognition (thought/perception)

[WishfulThinking123]

idk if anyone has ever felt this way but, today I've just been feeling that I am manipulative and nothing that happened to me was that bad. I just feel like I am being overly dramatic and I should just get over all of it, quit T and just move on.

 

[ms spock]

So can you look at the list and see if any of those ten distorted thinking styles applies to your situation @WishfulThinking123?

At the very least there is shoulding in your statement, but I think your comment could have 3-4-5 more types of distorted thinking in it.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

The 10 primary cognitive distortions are:

1. All or nothing thinking -- You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure. (This one causes me lots of daily probs).
2. Over-generalization -- You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. (Yes, doing this yesterday so self-defeating).
3. Mental filter -- You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it so exclusively that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that colors the entire beaker of water. (Doing this yesterday too...at least I'm aware of this).
4. Disqualifying the positive -- You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences. (Most people react positive to my presence, treat me well, hugs, compliments, yet brain says these displays of admiration and affection do not count...and that I am a worthless piece of sh*t).
5. Jumping to conclusions -- You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. (Involves mind-reading and fortune-telling.) (Felt apart from although mostly surrounded by kind and loving people).
6. Magnification and minimization -- You exaggerate the importance of things, or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny. (Was doing a bit of this too, yesterday).
7. Emotional reasoning -- You assume that your emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are, as in "I feel it, therefore it must be true." (Yes).
8. Should statements -- You try to motivate yourself with "should" and "should not," as if you have to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. (Yes).
9. Labeling and mislabeling -- This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself. (Not so much labeling and mislabeling now...am catching the self-defeating over-generalizations in mid-thought and mentally trying to still the crazy destructive thoughts).
10. Personalization -- You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible for. (Yes. This distortion is one of worst ones for me). Blame myself for so much).

Add On:
No 11. Magical thinking is a distorted cognition as well. It is a big one for Developmental Trauma/Complex Trauma from childhood abuse. Well it is for me anyway. (Got up feeling bad then thought so entire day will be same. Nope. Started day over several times. Also dealing with biblical issues (distortions - for me, now).

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I've just been feeling that I am manipulative and nothing that happened to me was that bad. I just feel like I am being overly dramatic and I should just get over all of it, quit T and just move on.

Initially when I first came onto myptsd site, I felt like it was everybody who had harmed me's problems that I was acting out...which is partly true...however onus...for me is integral and vital for me to now look at my own present day self-defeating, destructive (immobilizing) behaviors, etc. and I know from history how I got here...and now I must change me now...or S/I, cutting, over-eating, drinking, ad nauseum, etc. will always be how I cope with self-destructive behaviors.

For I (me) am continuing to "act out" what I was earlier brainwashed and taught by pervs/perps, etc. I am continuing in adulthood to not only repeat self-defeating, self-destructive behaviors/mannerism perps taught me...I am also transferring their "personna" meaning I see them in people around me all of the time...even when this is not always entirely true...i.e. my vicious distorted cognitions, and my inability to self-nurture, on and on (just threw up, excuse me). I have been a ticking (tick, tick, tick) time bomb and now I am trying to look deep within myself...and see how I have literally been perpetuating what perps/pervs did to me, said to me, acted out with my precious body/mind/soul.

That you @WishfulThinking123 now see yourself as: manipulative (ouch), nothing happened that was "that" bad...hmmm...and you feel that you're over-dramatizing what is going on inside of you...yet you are unable to "just get over "it", perhaps you might ought to take a second and closer look at why (only me here) you have been ID'ing with my trauma diary...for that is...for me only...no coincidence. My trauma diary is incomplete, yet filled with extreme abuse and not a very good read if you know what I mean, if I was looking for reading material (just being gut-wrenching honest here - no judgments here @WishfulfulThinking123. No judgment here. Judgment free zone. Just caring about you (not for you), that's all!

Were you taught (I believe so) how to manipulate?...by being manipulated? Also I've always been dramatic in my presentation towards others...and as of late...am trying to reel "it" in...and learn that I've buried my precious little girl inside of me with their sh*t! Please do not lash out at me here...for I care so much about you @WishfulThinking123 and I for one am so damn glad you are here.

Do you think that i'ts a mistake you are on/in a trauma website? And that you've honed in on me...one of many in here...who had been viciously, violently extremely abused in so many deprecating and disgusting ways? Do you ever question this? I don't anticipate an answer from you...and I fear personal retribution simply for posting here and showing you that I give a f*ck...for I indeed am risking you getting upset here and obviously I care enough to ask what only I perceive to be the hard questions...I f*cking care about you! I surely do.

 

[ms spock]

Jumping to conclusions -- You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. (Involves mind-reading and fortune-telling.)

So in my mind I am thinking a whole stack of people are thinking poorly of me.
One person in particular and I did get what I thought were mixed messages from them.
So yes lots of mind reading and fortune telling.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

@Disco Dancing Queen
The 10 primary cognitive distortions are:

1. Over-generalization -- You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. (Yes, doing this yesterday so self-defeating).I think I do this in regards to a lot of things- I often think of things as "happening to me" as in I have no control. For example if a guy starts trying to have sex with me and I say no but, he keeps persisting in my mind I cant do anything more and I just disassociate and it happens- I have other examples such as this too. I often just think because of the sexual encounters in my past where I haven't had any control I never do and with each additional one it just confirms that and I just use disassociation to get me through.
2. Magnification and minimization -- I tend to minimize the importance of things definitely but, I feel often that I am also exaggerating things but, my T tells me it is perfectly normal to be upset over my trauma and they are big things however, sometimes I don't see that and I think I'm being overly dramatic as in my above post. I still feel that way now. I just feel like I am the complete issue and everything is in my head...seriously thinking about quitting T.
3. Emotional reasoning -- I don't get this one? Don't we often think things are true based on how we feel?
4. Labeling and mislabeling -- Yes, often times if someone is mad at me I equate that with they hate me
5. Personalization -- Yes definitely, I blame myself for everything. I even kind of blame myself for not standing up for myself as a child when I was well my T calls it sexual assaulted. I didn't say anything to either perp at the time. My T stated that I shouldn't feel guilty I was only a child. I feel because I didn't say anything I have no reason to be upset because, I should have said something. I also blame myself for a lot of the sexual abuse in my marriage, etc..

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Initially when I first came onto myptsd site, I felt like it was everybody who had harmed me's problems that I was acting out...which is partly true...however onus...for me is integral and vital for me to now look at my own present day self-defeating, destructive (immobilizing) behaviors, etc. and I know from history how I got here...and now I must change me now...or S/I, cutting, over-eating, drinking, ad nauseum, etc. will always be how I cope with self-destructive behaviors.

I completely agree with this statement! At the end of the day my cutting, depression, etc... isn't hurting anyone but, myself. I need to learn to stop letting others control the way I feel about myself. It's a slow process. I guess I am also feeling tremendously guilty about the manipulative person I used to be. I am beginning to realize now how manipulative my mother was/is in a new way in which I never before truly realized. However, because of my parents and narcissistic boyfriends I think I have also learned to manipulate to a degree as well not to hurt anyone like a narcissist manipulates to try to get everything to go their way all the time. I feel I manipulate as a form of survival and I didn't even realize I was doing it...its just trying to play the narcissist "game" of having to stay one step ahead all the time. I feel in a way I have lost what its like to live outside of this charade...

For I (me) am continuing to "act out" what I was earlier brainwashed and taught by pervs/perps, etc. I am continuing in adulthood to not only repeat self-defeating, self-destructive behaviors/mannerism perps taught me...I am also transferring their "personna" meaning I see them in people around me all of the time...even when this is not always entirely true...i.e. my vicious distorted cognitions, and my inability to self-nurture, on and on (just threw up, excuse me). I have been a ticking (tick, tick, tick) time bomb and now I am trying to look deep within myself...and see how I have literally been perpetuating what perps/pervs did to me, said to me, acted out with my precious body/mind/soul.

I have a hard time! So hard I am bent on destroying myself and this is one reason why I see myself as so manipulative. I have this urge to destroy myself purely for destruction?!?! idk and it makes me think am I trying to just do it for attention? Well I don't talk about this stuff to anyone outside my T...so I really don't know why I struggle so much with the self harm and wanting to sell myself sexually. I just don't know why I feel more comfortable being used in this way...I fear that once opportunity creeps up again I will just go back to my old ways of acting out sexually. It's the strangest thing to me that what has caused me so much pain and trauma is what I want- I go searching for that pain and trauma why?? I just feel like everything is my fault and I am manipulative and all my problems are in my head and no one else would be bothered by my trauma...

That you @WishfulThinking123 now see yourself as: manipulative (ouch), nothing happened that was "that" bad...hmmm...and you feel that you're over-dramatizing what is going on inside of you...yet you are unable to "just get over "it", perhaps you might ought to take a second and closer look at why (only me here) you have been ID'ing with my trauma diary...for that is...for me only...no coincidence. My trauma diary is incomplete, yet filled with extreme abuse and not a very good read if you know what I mean, if I was looking for reading material (just being gut-wrenching honest here - no judgments here @WishfulfulThinking123. No judgment here. Judgment free zone. Just caring about you (not for you), that's all!

You are such a sweet person and I don't think I could ever be mad at you and thank you so much for taking the time to reply and be so honest with me! I'm going to be honest here I haven't read your trauma diary from the beginning so I am not sure I know all of the trauma you have gone through although I know it was definitely worst than mine I'm sure. I think you mentioned CSA? I really do identify with you being that you understand what it's like to have to survive narcissists. I stopped living freely long ago and I've been in a weird survival mode ever since.

Were you taught (I believe so) how to manipulate?...by being manipulated? Also I've always been dramatic in my presentation towards others...and as of late...am trying to reel "it" in...and learn that I've buried my precious little girl inside of me with their sh*t! Please do not lash out at me here...for I care so much about you @WishfulThinking123 and I for one am so damn glad you are here.

You are so sweet for stating this! Actually this is an interesting thought- I know I am often over dramatic at home in regards to when I am ill or even fear sometimes because, I need so desperately to get those needs met. I call this my "child" mode and I often feel like a child in regards to the amount of fear that I feel in certain situations but, it is my attempt to try to get these emotional needs/securities met in which my parents didn't meet when I was younger. I'm not really sure what to do about that...And yes I feel like I have learned how to manipulate not only through my family but my friends in college really taught me how to as well. Again, I am not trying to control the people around me it is more of trying to protect myself.

Do you think that i'ts a mistake you are on/in a trauma website? And that you've honed in on me...one of many in here...who had been viciously, violently extremely abused in so many deprecating and disgusting ways? Do you ever question this? I don't anticipate an answer from you...and I fear personal retribution simply for posting here and showing you that I give a f*ck...for I indeed am risking you getting upset here and obviously I care enough to ask what only I perceive to be the hard questions...I f*cking care about you! I surely do.

Now I would really love for you to please explain exactly what you are getting at here.. I am a little confused. I have definitely not been abused in the ways you have, my trauma is probably one of the lesser ones on this site? idk. My PTSD stems from sexual abuse in my marriage but, of course I also have other issues from childhood and so on. Also, I care about you too! Thanks for taking the time to post this response! I always welcome honesty!

 

[joeylittle]

Hi folks - Copy and paste the names of the distortions if you'd like, but I'll request that you not copy the definition of the distortion as well.

It makes it difficult to find what you (the poster) has written.

Thanks.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Now I would really love for you to please explain exactly what you are getting at here.. I am a little confused. I have definitely not been abused in the ways you have, my trauma is probably one of the lesser ones on this site? idk. My PTSD stems from sexual abuse in my marriage but, of course I also have other issues from childhood and so on.

I just feel you (like myself) are hurting over our fathers and our relationships with same. Nothing more...I care is all. Hearts and hugs! :) :) :)

 

[WishfulThinking123]

@JadesJewel Thank you for your compassion!

 

[ms spock]

1. All or nothing thinking -- yes and this has left me open to people lying and using me. Because I feel like if I don't do it perfectly, whatever it is, then I am allowed to have nothing, asking for anything.
2. Over-generalization -- I do less of this.
3. Mental filter -- Yes - but less and less.
4. Disqualifying the positive -- I do this a lot as well - and it stops me from taking action.
5. So my mind-reading and fortune-telling, where I see everyone seeing and judging me badly has meant that I have missed a whole lot of cues and warning signs that were right in front of my face.
   
6. Magnification and minimization -- I minimise so much and I enable people to take advantage of me.
7. Emotional reasoning -- Lots of this in some ways - but in other ways I am improving.
8. Should statements -- Yeah.
9. Labeling and mislabeling -- I do this as well.
10. Personalization -- Less of this!

 

[ms spock]

1. All or nothing thinking -- I feel like if I don't do it perfectly, whatever it is, then I am allowed to have nothing. Left me open to people using me.
2. Over-generalization -- TOO MUCH OF THIS!
3. Mental filter -- Yes
4. Disqualifying the positive -- This
5. So my mind-reading and fortune-telling, my projections make me miss warning signs that were right in front of my face.
   
6. Magnification and minimization -- yes
7. Emotional reasoning -- less
8. Labeling and mislabeling -- yes
9. Personalization -- still the corrosive self doubt of the choices that I have made in my life. But less.