Need to learn to be angry??

[Freida]

So the Ts are in agreement that I don't get angry. That totally threw me, because I'm not above the odd screaming match here and there. Ran it by my bestie, who has known me longer than anyone, and she agreed. She says I get frustrated but she has never seen me angry. WTH?

T's say that I need to be able to feel my feelings, including being angry about my dramas and traumas, to be able to heal. I just recently discovered sad - and that was four long days of suckage. Not terribly sure I want to be on board with anger. Then I read through some of the posts here and people are talking about their struggles controlling their anger.

Good grief. So I have to learn how to feel it AND learn how to control it? OK, yes, that was rhetorical.

Anyone else have to learn to be angry? Any suggestions on how to understand what they are talking about?

 

[shimmerz]

It seemed to be pretty easy for me to be angry at me and not others. Do you notice that you can be angry at yourself?

Also, my anger comes out as a form of determination, not just frustration. You?

 

[Freida]

Do you notice that you can be angry at yourself?

Not so much anger, but I am really, really judgemental about myself, my actions, how I react, blah blah. It makes them nuts LOL

It's weird. I think I get angry, but they (supporters and Ts) say I'm getting frustrated. Which I really can't do anything with other than stomp my feet and yell. They want me to see the difference. I do get that determined You Will Not Win thing, but that is often more from fear and a need to control my environment than being angry.

For example, we are working on one particular incident from my military days. I was in a situation where I ended up in a fight with a terrorist. As in physically fighting for my life. They think I should be angry about that. My reply is why? I lived. He didn't. Nuff said. They want me to see the chain of events that led to the situation, how I ended up being on my own in the first place, that I didn't get any medical attention for a sprained wrist and broken foot, that no one really thought it was a big deal, blah blah. My response is ...I was in the military. That is just how it goes. Suck it up Cupcake and move on. I honestly don't understand what they mean when they say that I need to allow myself to feel angry. Why??

 

[ladee]

You were in survival mode, so there weren't a lot of feelings if any at all.... and I sure wish I could come at you from the same direction that you are coming from... Mine was rage I had to learn to control, and allow anger, then figure out what to do with that.... not one single thing about PTSD can be simple, not one !!!!

I do know there were things I should have been angry about, but it came out in other situations not even remotely related...and even today, when I am tired, my frustration level rises... it 'looks' like anger, but it's just frustration.... or so I tell myself...

I do know you can't force yourself to be angry. You were 'trained' to move past it. You still had to have a sharp mind to do your job.

I was 'trained' in my family, that rage was what got me heard. And not being 'heard' is still a huge trigger for me today...

There may be other things come up in therapy that you feel anger about.... being in the military is one set of circumstances. Tho you carried that into life with you....

What a conundrum , and I can say, there are things in my here and now life, that others think I should be angry about , but I'm not... so only this part do I understand....

Are there things you do get angry about??? You don't have to share them if you don't want.... but maybe that can be your frame of reference.... I doubt any of this helped you, as I have confused my own self....:cautious::unsure::wtf: but I'm not angry... :clown::)

 

[EveHarrington]

Hoo-boy.

I'm not even sure if "I".....me, myself...the SELF...get angry.

Anger is one of my "split" emotions that is further from my core.

"I" can be spitting nails pissed, but once it's passed, I'm cool as a cucumber and have no ill will toward anyone.

It confuses everyone how my anger seems to pass so quickly.

My therapist says it's a part of me that has segregated from my core as anger is not a safe emotion.

My problem is a bit different from yours, but I see them both as effects of trauma.

I have no real advice as the splitting aspect came to light just a few sessions ago and I don't see my therapist for another 2 weeks.

PS it shows up in my forum interactions as well. I'm finally figuring out why I have rough interactions with people here. The anger comes out but it's not part of my core self, so in essence I'm clueless as to how to handle anger as me and not split from me.

 

[Deleted member 541]

What does anger look like??? I think it varies with each person. Have I ever been angry? Yes, but it passes quickly. I’ve had rage too, but again, that passes too. Mine looks more like frustration mixed with rumination that can last awhile. IDK, just putting shit out there. I guess anger has me baffled when I try to think what it really is?!?! Pissed off?!?!?!?

 

[Freida]

Are there things you do get angry about??? You don't have to share them if you don't want.... but maybe that can be your frame of reference.... I doubt any of this helped you, as I have confused my own self....:cautious::unsure::wtf: but I'm not angry... :clown:

LOL confusion - yet another gift from ptsd! I thought there were things I get angry about - but I think I get "outraged" at a situation rather than angry at something that directly affects me. Like I read today that a guy went to jail for torturing dogs. That pissed me off. So yep. I'm Angry. Check. But if that anger is supposed to be directed at something that happened to me, I get...meh. Seriously wracking my brain leads me to thinking that I get angry at unfair sitauations - like I got passed over for a promotion I deserved or some such thing. But even then - I'm not sure if its anger or frustration.

Good grief. This is why the Ts make so much money.

My therapist says it's a part of me that has segregated from my core as anger is not a safe emotion

That makes perfect sense! And I wonder - in my scenario that we are working on I did have anger. I was flat out enraged. Which was the only reason I lived. We've talked a bit about what would happen if I get angry and all I don't have an answer. But maybe you are right -- it's because it's not safe??

I have no real advice as the spiriting aspect came to light just a few sessions ago and I don't see my therapist for another 2 weeks.

Please keep me posted on what you learn! I have a feeling I'm going to be working on this for a long while

IDK, just putting shit out there. I guess anger has me baffled when I try to think what it really is?!?! Pissed off?!?!?!?

That's actually helpful! Maybe it's not as cut and dried as I think it should be??

 

[LuckiLee]

My guy can teach you how to be angry. Lol

He's ex military too. He gets angry at incompetence. Civilians can really get under his skin. That's fo sho!

He was in a fight very similar to yours. I think he's angry that he had to kill that person. Not that that person was trying to kill him....

 

[Freida]

LOL I get the incompetence thing but it shows up more as disgust for me.

I think he's angry that he had to kill that person.

I think this might be what they are waiting for. Right now I'm ok with how it ended, because the dumbass shouldn't have chosen me as his victim. But. I'm still flippant about it which is one of my big manipulative coping mechanisms. I think in reality that is the red flag -- that I'm not angry about being put in a position that had to end like that. Maybe they want me to feel something about it and not just blow it off, and a normal (?) person might chose anger....????.

 

[LuckiLee]

I can see being angry at the time but 20 or more years later??

He's processed it, now probably has guilt, remorse and... Idk I'm guessing.

Try getting angry at your T for trying to make you feel angry. That'll teach em. LOL;)

 

[honeypie058]

The message that you can feel anger and have to learn to control reactions is extremely frustrating for me. I have rage all the time and don't feel safe expressing it for fear of judgement from others. As a result my anger is turned inward. Sometimes I wish I can let loose without filter, it might ease some of the depression.

 

[MrMoonlight]

As a result my anger is turned inward.

How do you determine something like that? I never really know where my anger comes from because I can logically point to so many things.