Personally I have noticed that if I just push down how I feel it makes it worse.
I tried to conform to how I should be for several weeks now and pushed every feeling I had about it... and now all of a sudden I could no longer control what I needed and had to have a talk with my mother about boundaries and having some compromises between their ways and my way. Because I tried to stuff my feelings and do what they want to be agreeable and it just did not work. So I spoke up, but after weeks of avoidance it was exhausting to have to talk for hours to be understood about something that should make sense with one sentence. It's bad.
So I know that pushing how you feel never works.
Also, sometimes you can't do what you need even if you want.
I am really sorry that you're struggling.
I read the first post and few after, but not all, so stopping by just to send some support.
I know life can be frustrating and impossibly hard.
I don't know all the answers but I have faith in you.
It's okay to pivot and make different decisions if something isn't working.
It's okay if you aren't sure the right way to handle things.
It's okay if you need some alone time.
You'll untangle what is wrong, but you may need time, or help, or many things at the same time.
You can do this, I promise. Purge all your worries on paper or computer or something. Then figure out just the next 3 steps, or even the next one step. What do you really need to do right now? What can you get closest to that? What is the first step towards that?
Stay strong! Will stop by the thread again, let us know how you're doing!
You can do this, I promise! Sending many many hugs.
