Considering quitting therapy and worse.

[Friday]

She was ok with me not telling her what came up on the phone... She said whatever it was, I was clear I needed to talk about it face to face, and she was really ok about that and even said if I didn’t want to ever say it, that’s ok too. I can keep it to myself too.

She said “maybe we can think of another way for you to test it with me?” She made up possible scenarios and told me how she would handle them. She had me making up scenarios too.

We even got to laughing about funny terrible scenarios.

She wasn’t phased my doctor quit. She said she sorta expects I’ll probably try to push her away and try to convince her to quit. She said we’ll talk it through and she’ll try to not listen or agree with *anyone* who convinces her to quit, including myself, or anyone else “from anywhere” and she will keep her own boundaries in her life and in her private practice thankyouverymuch.

<grin> She sounds AWESOME.

I know. Huge cut/paste for super short reply. I'm just really glad that your T appears to be the total badass you freaking deserve to have in your corner.

 

[barefoot]

Coming to this a little late and just heading to bed so not much energy and focus to write very much. Just wanted to say, sorry you’re having this stressful shit to deal with. But it sounds like your T is so on your side and there for you. I think, between you, you will sort this out and all will be well. Really.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

My therapist knows I’m in the middle of the hardest 3-4 weeks in the past year. We knew it was com...

I think for one you need to find a better therapist. I therapist who can't make time for a client in a crisis is a bad one. Mine certainly would, and she does, I am in crisis now, and she not only made time for me, she immediately put in motion the steps to get me admitted at sheppard pratt TDU. And I know from past experience if I were in a crisis of a nature where the ER was a possible path, she would wrap up with the current client and see me right after I called her even if she had to cancel the next clients appt for my emergency.

There are two kinds of therapists, good ones, who care and take care of their clients, and make adjustments to meet the clients needs. And bad ones who see you, bill you, and give you all kinds of roadblocks towards getting better.

I also think you should not have to be paying out of pocket when you don't have to, for one thing is doing so also affects your self-esteem as you are compromising because of others and giving something up (money) when you should not have too.

 

[deeplyloved]

I’m so sorry to hear about your primary care doctor and so relieved to hear your therapist is trustworthy and on your side. You deserve support you can count on.

 

[ButterflyBean]

@Justmehere, I have been watching and reading this thread wondering if there’s anything I can say that would be appropriate. Honestly, I have no words, but I do have empathy. I’m still dealing with a very traumatic termination of two of my providers not by choice in both situations. Not to mention, the insurance issues with appropriate care, so I feel your pain. Have you seen your therapist to talk everything through? I hope things are a little better now! Please let us know how you’re doing. I’m sure I can speak for many of us in saying that we are all concerned and here if you need us!

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks all for the encoragement. This has turned into a long lasting doozy of a trigger.

An update:

I finally told my therapist what was getting to me. I tried to tell her in a session, and I stopped being able to speak. I wanted to tell her, and she offered to try to help, and did all kinds of things to try to help me talk about it, and I was anothing but pile of NOPE.

She said I had never been so clear and so strong on a boundary with her like that.

It was weird.

I finally asked if I could text her about it the next day. She said yes. We don’t really do text - she’s ok with it, I’m generally not. But with this, I told her on text that I knew she might be working for them, and it was upsetting. She confirmed she was working for them, and then told me nothing from one clinic gets shared with the other. I asked if the clinic can tell her what to do in her private practice, and who to see and etc. I know this is normally not the case, but I wanted to know from her and where her boundaries were on all of this.

She told me they are totally separate and they can’t make any decisions about her private practice. She also said if I sought care from them, they would probably direct me to her team, and she wouldn’t be able to take my case there and she would have to avoid my case. She was trying to reassure me that the two clinics don’t overlap and this would be the normal thing... and that actually doesn’t make any sense to me. Wouldn’t it be a matter that i could consent to sharing info and then i could see her there or something? I didn’t ask about it, but I was able to admit I’m confused and triggered and I don’t entirely understand why even. I didn’t ask why she didn’t tell me, but she said she didn’t tell me she got a new job there because of professional boundaries and ethics —- why would her job there be a secret?

I did tell her I was bound to find out because of my work and because it’s a small city. Ugh. I live and work there! She doesn’t. Or hasn’t. Until this job there.

She did say she was worried she would have to avoid a friend that we have talked about if they got care there...

Huh?

I was more confused so i kinda shut down the text conversation.

I’m kinda trying to ignore it until I meet with her next week and can ask about it face to face.

The whole thing just seems even weirder now.

I understand a lot about ethics and professional boundaries for therapists, and it makes sense that if I don’t consent to sharing info, she can’t share info. “No overlap” as she said.

But it doesn’t make sense to me why she has I avoid me so severely if I was to seek care there, I don’t even have the option to consent to sharing info and seeing her there. I’m in a pretty rough situation financially... and my insurance would totally cover it there.

But that would be unethical? Ugh.

 

[scout86]

That's all pretty confusing to me too. I hope you can get it clarified, if for no other reason than piece of mind.

Maybe you can either see her privately, or through them, but not both? I'd be sure to explain the insurance thing & see what she says.

I'm glad you were able to give her a head's up to the issue!

 

[barefoot]

Great that you were able to find a way to bring this up with her - and I can understand why you’re now confused!

I misunderstood your earlier post and thought there was no way on earth that you would return to that practice to seek care. But now I understand that if you could return there and see your current T there, you would want to do that as it would be covered by your insurance. Is that right? Wondering if it’s at all possible that she was thinking along similar lines to me - that you would want nothing to do with the place - and she was therefore reassuring you that they are completely separate and that you can both keep doing what you’re doing?
Hmm...but then, why would she mention having to avoid your case if you went there...? Sorry...I Think I may be talking rubbish!

It certainly is confusing!

Hope you get some more clarity when you next see her. If you could let her know that your preference would be to see her there and have it covered by your insurance, she may be open to trying to find a way to make that possible. If she says there’s absolutely no way she’s going to be able to see you there, she can at least explain to you why not to clear up your current confusion.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

 

[Justmehere]

I misunderstood your earlier post and thought there was no way on earth that you would return to that practice to seek care. But now I understand that if you could return there and see your current T there, you would want to do that as it would be covered by your insurance. Is that right?

I thought there was no way for me to be seen there. I actually called the agency to confirm that there was no way to be seen yesterday before texting with my therapist about it. The agency actually said yes, then no, then yes, and then.... It appears to be a yes only because they have a new computer system and it doesn't have old info in it. They referred me to 4 departments to confirm I could set up an intake if I wanted to, and I explained the situation, and 2 said yes, and 2 said no and slammed down the phone rather rudely actually. And why the heck I was sent around to 4 departments...

This agency is whack.

I just gave up because THINKING of going there was triggering me and they clearly can't pull their sh*t together....

I think I am trying to accept that I don't think it's actually realistic that I could trust them if I went there, not enough to even sit in a room alone with any of their other staff...

What really confused me is that she thought I might seek services there and said she would have to avoid me if I did. She doesn't know I can't go there. She did say she was getting a sense that I avoid them like the plague and I'm pretty uncomfortable with them as an agency.

She's pretty clear that there is no way she can see me there. Period. She seems to think it would be unethical, and create some kind of professional boundary violation of some kind. I have no clue what that is about. I mean patients follow doctors when they switch clinics and hospitals...

Maybe it's like what you suggest @scout86, and she's thinking about if I see her privately AND then also at the agency. That would actually make perfect sense to me that both could not be allowed.

It's sort of moot unless/until I could handle this agency, and unless/until this agency would take on my case.

It all feels unjust though, and that's why I think I want her to explain it more so I can believe she's not becoming screwy and weird like them.

 

[deeplyloved]

What an awful situation for you. I’m so sorry. It sounds like this is confusing and troublesome for both of you. I don’t think you can accurately assess the information she is giving you because neither of you have all of the information you need. You’re both trying to fill in the gaps and draw conclusions. Is there anyway you can imagine telling her what this agency did to you?

 

[Justmehere]

I am looking forward to talking it through more, and I also really just want to avoid it all together. Sigh. :(

Is there anyway you can imagine telling her what this agency did to you?

She was pretty adamant she would not even tell them I was her client. I’m not too concerned she would tell them about my negative experience with them.

 

[Justmehere]

She said it is ok woto be upset with her. I’m wondering if I can just tell her that I have paid a lot of money and traveled to another city to avoid this clinic and get therapy... and now an employee of the clinic is in my therapy sessions. Neither of us really did anything wrong, but can I be mad about this all the same?