Ifs internal family systems parts work

[EveHarrington]

Hi,

I’m jumping back into Internal Family Systems Therapy and parts work.

I’m currently reading a book and workbook to get better acquainted with the whole process, protectors, exiles, burdens, etc.

I’m hoping to get a discussion started on this type of therapy for those who are doing it now or have done it in the past.

I currently have a basic understanding of how my system works with a model of my main dissociated parts. (Figuring out the model was a HUGE leap forward for me. HUGE!) I have three main dissociated parts that are separate from my core self. (Said in a trauma sense.) Other non-dissociated parts are more like the model in my book.

The books I’m reading are not trauma based so of course I’m having to tweak things to fit the trauma aspects into it all, ie dissociated parts. I have done IFST work with a trauma therapist before, so I know the basics. My therapist knows about parts but isn’t schooled in IFST, and finding another therapist isn’t an option at this time. The books I have are geared toward self-work, so I admit that I’ll be doing a lot of this on my own with some guidance from my therapist.

I am being careful as to not go so fast as to overwhelm my system (I’m at risk for pushing myself too hard.)

I’ve set up goals for my first week+. My little one gets play time every day so that she doesn’t act out. My healing is private and only discussed with professionals (and here)——I say this as I have a friend who is digging too deep into my therapy stuff and let’s just say he’s a bit off in some of his opinions which could derail my healing. My system had a very chaotic day today so I am working on creating peace/calmness. It’s far too chaotic to start talking in depth to protectors and exiles. My parts are currently running amok and I didn’t realize that letting others have direct access to them would cause more chaos——so no more. I will continue to ask protectors to step aside so that the self can act——I’ve been doing this successfully so far (well, when I ask!)

So if anyone is doing parts work now, jump in! :)

 

[Teamwork]

I’m interested in hearing more about this. I have been doing parts work with psychologist but I don’t think he clearly labels it as well as you just did. Right now he interacts a lot with the part that he calls and introject or self harming part that is against everything we are doing and often wreaks havoc in the system.

 

[Rose White]

Following, as I am doing informal parts work with my therapist.

Your goals seem good—letting your little one play every day sounds great! I still need to accept little me, so you are inspiring me.

You said your healing is private. This has been rolling around in my head all day too, so reading your goal gave me validation. It feels strange enforcing privacy with my partner, but I have to start somewhere.

There is a website called “Breaking the Cycle” by Peter K. Gerlach which goes into parts work extensively and has helped me to understand it a little better.
http://sfhelp.org/gwc/IF/ifs.ham

Looking forward to learning more.

 

[EveHarrington]

Following, as I am doing informal parts work with my therapist.

Your goals seem good—letting...

Hoo-boy!

I just made the decision to quit therapy with my current therapist and try to find an internal family systems therapist. Last session she pathologized a VERY normal human behavior (that was far out of the ordinary for me anyway), and used it as “proof” to give me another disorder (that my doctor with a medical degree from one of the best schools in the country——says I do not have. Yes, I expressed my concerns to him in the past and he said nope! Your symptoms stem from trauma and you don’t warrant another diagnosis.)

Whew.

So a few people think I’m off my rocker, while those who know my struggle support me 1000%. Life is too short to be wasting time running down bunny trails of false diagnosis’!

But yes, this situation tells me that my healing needs to be private. I wish people could just support me without judgment. I am an adult and I have the right to choose my own healing path without criticism from others. Yes, you can say I feel VERY strongly about the healing power of parts work given how much it’s helped me thus far! Your healing is your business. Be careful about who you invite into this world. They could inadvertently try to destroy something that is incredibly healing!

Thank you for the link to that website. I looked at it briefly but shut the window as the terminology I am learning is different. I’m not judging that site one way or another, I just want to urge people to find one method and stick with it. I am using terms like self, exiles, protectors, burdens, and blending. OMG! Blending sent off bells in my head as it perfectly described what I go through! (It’s also a more extreme action of a part, and given my trauma history, I can understand why I deal with a lot of blending!)

Today was up and down, but I practiced talking to my parts. I met my excited part and did not ask her to step aside as we were in such a good mood! The self was present as well as a confident part. I had other discussions with different parts, rejection and judgment, earlier in the day, and that went well too, as I asked them to step aside so that the self could be in control.

 

[Rose White]

Self, exiles, protectors, burdens, and blending, oh my!

How wonderful that you are able to acknowledge when a professional is not serving you well and then to be able to protect yourself and move on!

I hope you find a therapist with IFS experience. I read more about it on another website that I won’t link because it was using different terminology as well, but it was helpful.

I learned about Dick Schwartz, the founder of IFS. I also learned more about asking parts to step aside so that a target part can be focused on—you mentioned that as well.

I’m just glad to be reading more about this because I completely rejected my inner child (exiled her?) after my partner read my journal, but I’m realizing that I have to be brave in order to allow her out again, but I also have to avoid blending.

I feel like I’m just getting a glimpse of a new territory in recovery, and I feel pulled toward it.

 

[Stephernovas]

I haven't done IFS myself, however I used to work in a residential addictions treatment facility for youth. They would stay for 4 weeks, and we taught this to them. I can empathize with you about outsider comments into your healing. I like to be open and transparent, but that leaves me open for other's comments and expectations on how I live life. Good for you on working on this in private and only involving those who need to know!

 

[EveHarrington]

Self, exiles, protectors, burdens, and blending, oh my!

How wonderful that you are able to ac...

What I’m learning is that we should never reject, criticize, or judge parts. They are always doing things in our best interest, even if they are going about it the wring way.

Is your inner child acting out now that you’ve rejected her?

To me it’s amazing how parts calm down when you listen to them and give them a voice!

Last night I let Little one watch a Christmas movie. I’m not sure what we’ll do tonight.

I feel VERY pulled toward this way of healing. I feel that it best fits my inner world and offers much hope for positive change!

 

[EveHarrington]

I haven't done IFS myself, however I used to work in a residential addictions treatment facility f...

This can be viewed as very much outside of traditional therapy and as such leaves one open to judgment. I mean I have multiple conversations out loud with my parts every day. (Talking to them in my head doesn’t seem to be as effective.)

 

[Stephernovas]

I have multiple conversations out loud with my parts every day

You should see me in my therapy session! My therapist laughs because sometimes she'll get a preview of my inner thought processes. For example, I'll say, "Yeah! I know and that I thought that was so stupid!! - (then I'll look up like people do when they are thinking and say) well, I shouldn't say stupid cause I mean she is doing a good job, but that decision she made was dumb, so actually yeah, stupid is the right word". lol

 

[EveHarrington]

This stuff is hard.

Pure emotions are surfacing that I can’t ask to step aside.

 

[Freida]

@EveHarrington I'm assuming you've read The Body Keeps the Score? If not it does an amazing job of explaining the whole IFS thing.

My T started with IFS at the very beginning of my journey but it took her a while to get me on board. I had a hard time differentiating IFS from schizophrenia and couldn't figure out why she was insisting I was delusional and there were people in my head! Once she got me to understand and finally work with her it was amazing. My parts are adults, so we met in The Boardroom at each session for discussion on how to get them to play nicely together. It gave me more respect for myself and the lengths I was willing to go to to keep my sanity. I've made peace with the Critic and my firefighters are ....lets say 50% under control. At least they will give me a chance before they react. most times

I'm still struggling with my exile. Bitch needs to die. It's a work in progress

I don't share much what goes on in my therapy sessions with family or friends. Between IFS and EMDR it's alot for them to absorb. I think EMDR is easier for people to accept because they think its a type of hypnosis (no matter how often I say its not). Telling them about voices in my head belonging to a "family"? yeaaaaa. no. Better they just know that I'm in therapy and its working

 

[EveHarrington]

@EveHarrington I'm assuming you've read The Body Keeps the Score? If not it does an...

I just reserved the book. Will pick it up tomorrow.

I haven’t encountered any infighting amongst parts yet. I suppose that is to come.

I think what I’m learning may be different because exiles are child parts that need to be protected by the protectors. Or at least that’s what my text says.